My boyfriend may have a child with an ex

[Orow]

This is primarely just me writing some thoughts down but comments are welcome!

I met my boyfriend some years ago (am 21 now, he's 23) and we instantly fell in love. After a year we split up because we were young and thought that we ought to see more of the world and other people, before settling - but after 6 months where neither of us had seen other people because we were still in love with each other, we just found it too silly and got back together.

He's the guy I don't just live with - I feel that I can't live without him. He has asked me to marry him and I said yes, and our family and friends are happy for us and agree that it's the right decision for us. My mother said: "You may be young, but I sincerely doubt either of you will ever find a better match."

Then some weeks ago he was contacted by an ex girlfriend. She was long before my time and they split up because she cheated on him several times.

It turns out she has a child and it could be me my boyfriend's. This child is now 4 years old and she (the ex) wants him to take a test so the fatherhood can be figured out.
There are 3 guys, including my boyfriend, who could be the dad.

My boyfriend is really responsible about things. He will never get back together with the ex, but if it is his child he wants shared custody, pay child support and in every way be there for the child as a dad should.
He has also contacted a lawyer, so if it is his child he is willing to go to court, in efforts to get to see it, spend time with it ect.


Me... I try to support him in every aspect. Of course the child should see it's dad who ever it turns out to be.
But I'm also sad.

I had this dream about the two of us having babies and me being the mother. Him having a kid with another woman was NOT part of that dream. I am having trouble finding my place in all of this - what role should I have in the life of the child, being semi-married to it's father?

It's hard. I know in my heart that I would rather leave my boyfriend than get in between him and the child. It hurts, because who knows what will come.

And even though it would make things a lot easier for us if he's not the dad, I really hope he is because the two other guys are jerks. He would be a great dad and every child deserves that.


So now we're just holding our breaths and waiting for the result.

[sera300]

You continue on your path to be married, have your own family. If the child is his, then you are also a step-mom. It's tough when you are young, but he needs to establish paternity or lack of, and you still have your lives. It's just a bit more complicated for the two of you, you will figure it out.

[nottooblushing]

Your attitude is great. This child deserves a father, and a good one at that. And the mother doesn't sound like she'll be receiving mother of the year awards anytime soon. She should not have taken 4 years to get in contact with the potential fatehrs. Be a stepmom and love that kid with your whole heart. A child can never have too many people who love them. Just because you didn't give birth to the child doesn't mean you are an outsider. There is always room for one more child in a woman's heart.

[MyFairytale]

Good luck and let us know the results.

[Lovemonkey]

Originally Posted by nottooblushing

Your attitude is great. This child deserves a father, and a good one at that. And the mother doesn't sound like she'll be receiving mother of the year awards anytime soon. She should not have taken 4 years to get in contact with the potential fatehrs. Be a stepmom and love that kid with your whole heart. A child can never have too many people who love them. Just because you didn't give birth to the child doesn't mean you are an outsider. There is always room for one more child in a woman's heart.

absolutly, this child is obviously going to need a mother figure that is more of a stand up mom than there real mother.

You two sound very mature, and very loving people. You can have a family of your own, and you may have a step-child, nothing wrong with that, the world needs more love, and you seem very willing to give that love out.

[Orow]

I know.

Before I decided to become a smith I worked at a kinder garden. So I know that I'm good with children.

I think I just need to change my dreams for the future a bit if it is his child. But I'll open my home and heart for it, no problem.