Not attracted to my girlfriend anymore???

[dude3848]

HELP!

My girlfriend and I (both just out of college) have been together for almost 2 years, and for the past year we've lived together. We are GREAT together, and I think she is the girl I want to eventually marry... except our sex life quickly took a turn for the worse when we moved in with each other.

Now we only have sex about once every three weeks or so. For the last few months, I have have trouble keeping an erection during sex with her, and I haven't orgasmed in months.

I masturbate about once every other day, and look at internet porn when I do. I find myself fantasizing about other girls when I masturbate- like girls I work with and her friends. Also, I have dreams about having sex with other girls. I have never cheated on her, though.

I feel like I'm just not very attracted to her anymore, but I should be. She has a nice body, and she's pretty. She hasn't changed at all since we met - in fact, she's gotten in better shape.

She was a virgin before we met and has always been shy about sex, so she's not the sexy, confident type (which really turns me on).

Any advice?

[Brandye]

Do her a favor and move out.

[dude3848]

Sweet. Thanks alot...

Anybody actually have some helpful advice? I'd rather save the relationship than just call it quits.

[demonbuttercup]

I see where you are coming from...but if you are thinking about other girls and her friends...when having sex w/ her...how is that fair to her?
I mean we all fantasize on one occasion or the other....but constantly?!?

How is the rest of the relationship?
Sounds like you want her to be more adventurous...how does she feel about that? is it something she's willing to work on?
Im the same way...shy and not into dominating sexually.

[Kbests2003]

Originally Posted by dude3848

Sweet. Thanks alot...

Anybody actually have some helpful advice? I'd rather save the relationship than just call it quits.

Umm the person who said move out was correct. You can't just make it work. I felt the same way once. Started to not be attracted to my girlfriend.. for about 4 months tried to make it work when it didn't. It was so obvious, obvious to her, she eventually said i was lying to her. It's not fair for you to put her in the situation when there is no hope of you all of a sudden just being attracted to her. That's unrealisted.

Do her a favor, move out. It will be a favor to you even more if she doesn't find out in another way.. AKA she noticed you can't get erect or cum with her.

[Orow]

The only reason why you are having fantasies about other women is because you can't get what you want from your girlfriend. And then the mind has a tricky thing with finding alternatives.

First of all you need to have a long chat with your girlfriend. Not just about your sex life, but life in general.

I'm from Denmark and a Danish author once wrote: "A penis never lies". - It sounds funny, but it's true. What he means is that YOU can ignore the generel issues you have with your relationship, but your penis wont. If it's not working mentally, in your head, it just wont happen.

I'm also thinking if you remember to renew yourself. You may think you know your girlfriends body inside out, but doing the same things over and over just gets boring in the end.

Perhaps you should try something else. Get some paper and a pencil, and then both you and your girlfriend has to write some sexual wishes down.
Not crazy things, but just stuff like "blowjob", "doing it in the bath" and such.

Then you put all the small notes together in a bowl and pull one - and do it.
It's just to get things a little exciting. So you never know what you're going to do next.

I also wonder if you just do it as soon as your girlfriend is a little horny. If she doesn't have time to feel a need, but just gets "overwhelmed" by YOUR needs, she will soon not be able to feel anything at all.



In the end it could be possible that your sexual needs just don't fit. Then you have to consider if you can manage living such a life forever.

But give it a change. Perhaps reading inspiring short stories from the internet together, or bying that book "Kama Sutra" which is more about love and showing it through your body than sex.

[kpodo]

break it off and try to stay friends before you cheat. you never know. sometimes when you are no longer with someone you become even more attracted to them than when you first met. it happened to me. if you cheat you mess it all up

[tikteka57]

IF you want to make it work you have to sit her down and talk about it!

[kpodo]

or you could do that. choose your words carefully

[dude3848]

thanks, everyone. especially orow!