Settling down - a slight problem

[tmps]

ok so i was just wanting a little advice
me and my man have been having problems and we have just sorted it out.... but when he was at work i read something that i didnt quite know how to react about it.
he has told me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me...but i read that he isnt ready. and im ready to dettle down. but i dont mean right now, we've been together a year almost and moving in together and where we will be living i will have no family, but he will. i guess what im saying is i dont want to move in with him if i know there isnt going to be a future for us if you know what i mean.
i have tried talking to him but it just isnt getting us anywhere. please can i have some advice?

[sera300]

Before you move in, let him know you need some answers and why. I can understand the discomfort leaving family and friends but you want to know he is considering you as "marriage material" rather then a lover/roommate. Your question is valid but i think men hesitate to answer b/c they think if they answer in the affirmative, the wedding plans are going to begin.

As you have come to the conclusion to reside together, you have established guidelines together, and this is something he really needs to let you know. Don't nag, just tell him before you move, you require some answers! You need to know if this move is bringing you together b/c he believes you may be good as a married couple. Or does he see it as a way of circumventing a commitment in the future?


Good luck and have fun.

[demonbuttercup]

What are you reading?? His diary?

[tmps]

no he doesnt have a diary, it was something that was on his computer, i went on it coz i couldnt be bothered to get my laptop out. i stumbled on it by accident

[EvilEvilKitten]

tmps - don't fib to us! You are feeling very insecure and you snooped. Its okay we won't tell him. But you might have to if you cannot control yourself.

You don't want to move in with him unless he considers you 'prospective wife' because you don't want to think of yourself as a slut, as if that was a bad thing, right?

If he's a man worth having, you should be able to voice your concerns to him and get an honest and sincere answer. So say something like "I am feeling a bit insecure about this moving in with you." -- keep your sentences "I need to know..." "I feel..." - that kind of format. Then shut up and listen to the man.

Then come back and tell us what you two have worked out.

[tmps]

thanks for all the advice, we talked, and talked and talked and it felt great, the best talk ever. he answered all my questions and he said he is ready to settle down and i told him that i didnt mean right now, we are now making plans to move in together again and it feels like he is more interested now. he isnt so stressed anymore, by the way evilevilkitten i wasnt fibbing, i have no reason to. thanks again for the advice