no libido, desperate for advice!

[cleavagequeen]

I have been with my b/f for 5 years, 4 of which have been long distance while we were at university. We have moved in together 3 weeks ago and are currently living with his grandmother as we are buying the house from her and she is downsizing and moving out in the nearby future although no date has been set!

Well anyway, in these few weeks my sex drive has diminished to just about nothing and I think its upsetting my other half because his is fine and we used to have sex every chance we got! he has lived with his grandmother for the 4 years he was at uni and i used to visit every few weeks and my sex drive was never an issue.

I am under a bit more stress than normal as Im moving in, started a new job, buying a house and helping the grandmother move out slowly bit by bit no idea why it cant be done in one day ! Im also working shifts so getting used to that and when my other half is at work im getting house keeping advice and tips on how to do washing etc for my b/f, which is really undermining my confidence, Ive lived away from home before and I know how to cook, clean and iron and my boyfriend can look after himself! She wont even change bills into our names even though the contracts for the house will go through next week so its like a constant battle proving we can cope!

Im on marvelon contraceptive pill but changing at the end of my cycle to trinadol (i think) cos im getting mood swings when i have my period, which is in 4 days so dreading that completely! The lack of sex is putting pressure on us too and im worrying about it alot, which cant help and just need some reassurance its a temporary loss and will come back. I'll also appreciate any tips on how to get myself interested in sex again!

[EEguy]

Hey, you've got a couple of the biggest stress causing issues going at the same time here, new job and new place to live. On top of that you're currenlty not alone in the house, and as a final addition to is all, you're now living with your bf rather than visiting. All those things add up and it may very take a little while for you to settle into things.

One of the cool things about a relationship in which you don't live together is the anticipation of seeing each other. Between that and the forced abstenace between visits makes the sex quite exciting sometimes. Now the anticipation factor is gone, and you could at least in theory have sex any day you want so the urgency is perhaps lower.

Give it a bit more time. Get used to living in a new situation with new people and working at a new job and see how it goes. Keep in mind with your job your sleep and wakeful cycles may alter, which may impact the times of day when you most want or are able to have sex. Don't get too hung up about it and remember that being uptight and concerned is a good way to take the fun out of it. If it is really getting to you, perhaps a nice hot date with him would help? Just because you're living together doesn't mean you can't still date, go out, make out in the car etc.

[sera300]

"Learning' to care for a home, the full house, residing with grandma, and doing SHIFT work will kill any libido! Shift work especially does some messed up stuff to your body (night v day)--been there. You need to learn to ask him for help with keeping up with the house & when you get a routine it becomes much easier.

More to the point; aggravation, annoyance, and resentment with your significant other is a real libido killer. You need to talk to him and tell him how he can be more supportive of you and the situation!

[EvilEvilKitten]

It can be done in one day - she is just retaining control for as long as is possible. Once the dust has settled, you'll be fine. Do not let your b/f get out of doing his share of the housework! Begin as you mean to go on! Fair being fair etc. Good luck!

[HappyPuppy]

"I'll also appreciate any tips on how to get myself interested in sex again!"

I was going to start a thread on this, too. I've been with my husband 10 years, married for 4. We had sex more in the beginning but I was drinking a lot then (younger!) and now I drink less in general but moreso so I'm more aware and sensitive for sex. I don't orgasm that frequently but never did before him, so that's an improvement. Started getting pickier about sex since then so I often don't want to bother if I know I'm 'off' or tired and have the feeling that nothing would happen for me if we did. I find myself turning him down a lot, which I know isn't fair at all. I would LOVE to be his sex kitten but about 2 months ago I found myself telling him that I could do without sex altogether and be totally happy. That probably disappointed him. I got all renewed, tho after finding this site and ordered some videos - that was great for about 3 days.... I WANT to be a horndog nympho with him but I need some work I think - no relationship or personal hangups but I have never successfully masterbated or really enjoyed it (yet!) and am often tired in the evenings (even started drinking more coffee in the late afternoon/eve so I'd be perkier after dinner) but I just am not horny. Porn is OK but it's more like I watch it curiously instead of get turned on by it (maybe we need some different titles/genres). Bottom line I think is for me to master masterbating so I can direct him better, which I know I'm not doing all that well anyway right now.... He is eager and willing and gentle but I haven't found consistent things/ways to get turned on when I'm not randomly that way. How can I become the horndog that I know is in there somewhere?

[EvilEvilKitten]

You can give yourself permission to enjoy sex as SEX for a start. Your sexuality is a GIFT. Masturbation is important. Get yourself a small vibe called a clitoral stimulator - has a flat head, wet its top and see what works for you. Your hubby can help by doing such extended foreplay techniques as massage becoming erotic massage becoming body worship - driving you nuts before he even gets to the good stuff.

Wrote a book on this btw - also has how to help your lady becom multi-orgasmic etc. Go to www.lulu.com, follow instructions, set your account to mature, and ask for Orgasm.

And if that does't work - get medical assistance!