Converting to long distance

[VirginNoMore]

College is approaching, me and my girlfriend will be have dating for 8 months when we go to college. She knows where she is going, but i will either be residing 30 mins away or 2 hours away depending on which college i decide to attend. this doesnt matter to us because we have talked and decided to try to make it work.
Does anyone have any tips and other information to share that could help with the transition or relationship to ensure that it works out?
I am committed and ready to make the 2 hour drive weekly if need be to see her. I also understand that i will be calling her nightly to keep the communication very healthy. ill try to avoid drifting away from eachother. any tips and advice would be appreciated.

[jay-girl]

my boyfriend and i have been dating for 4 years, and 2 of them have been long distance while we are at school. we are 2 hours apart, and see each other about every 2 weeks. This seems to work out for us. Don't isolate yourself and commit all your weekends driving to see one another, experience school and make other friends. My boyfriend and i talk at least twice a day, and when i see him its like we never left. If you work at it, you'll be fine.

[nottooblushing]

When I was long distance it was Texas to Oregon, so driving wasn't an option. But my housemates at the moment were about 2 hours apart for a little over a year. They each went to visit each other once a month, so they saw each other every other weekend. Chances are that if you look hard enough you will find another couple in the same basic areas or someone you can car pool with. (My friends - she had a friend whose BF lived an hour past where my friend was. So they would ride with them and they split gas money because neither of them had cars.) If you have a car and she doesn't then she should find someone on her campus that comes that direction regularly.
But I would not suggest you be off your own campus more than once a month. College is an important time and you will miss it because you are focusing on your girlfriend. If you're going to do that it's as bad if not worse than choosing a school to be with her. At least if you went the same place you wouldn't have to take 4 hours roundtrip away from your time to study and make friends.

But if she is only 30 minutes then do something like go to dinner on wednesday nights at a diner halfway between you and take turns spending weekends on each other's campuses. Even if you have to go pick her up and bring her back to yours it's only an hour round trip. I commuted further then that just to get to school from my last apartment.

Finally, I had a friend who had a scheduled time each day to talk to his GF. (also Texas to Oregon - which is a whole other story) But the appointment was at a convenient time for her and he said "I'll do whatever you need" and she never thought to see if the time difference made it difficult for him. The time was between her last class and dinner time for her, which was like 8:00-9:30 or 8:00- 10:00 which made sure he never got to watch any shows on TV he wanted to see, he was constantly IMing me "will you tape this show for me I'm still on the phone" And he would be last to parties and such. He made very few friends because of this. (And she dumped him after he transfered to a school near her and he's kicking himself hard.)

All things in moderation. If it's meant to be it will be. Don't sacrafice a great time in your life for anyone and if they ask you too they are only thinking about themselves.

[bilovely]

It all depends on your relationship and how you both are happy. My boyfriend and I have been at the same college for 2 years (of our 3 year relationship) and are still going strong. We have fought more than we used to (but that happens in every relationship) from being together so much. But, as a couple we like to be together a lot, while we still have other things we do on our own. I have had a hard time really developing into the adult that college is supposed to make you, but that is a personal transition. I don't think we would have lasted if we had gone to different schools. Time apart can make a few things easier, AS LONG AS YOU BOTH ARE FAITHFUL! Distance has it's advantages:
1. Time to focus on work with our distractions of constant cuddling.
2. Development of independence in college.
3. You will enjoy the time you do get to spend with your g/f when you do get to see her.

Do what you both think will make you happy. If it doesn't work, transfer. But don't waste the time you have in college, it goes by fast and you don't want to look back with regrets!!

Much luck!

[Say Hey]

It can work, but I would echo the statements of others not to put all your time and energy into keeping the relationship going. Allow each other to enjoy college and the experience. Also, be careful of jealousy when you hear about the things she is doing and the friends she is making. I was in such a relationship and it ended bc I spent alot of time on the road to visit here each weekend. I missed out on making friendships and enjoying college.

[Chino]

From 4 years of observation (and the fact that my current wife had long-distance bf when I met her)...the over-whelming majority of pre-college relationships don't make it past the first thanksgiving. That being said, it can be done...but do not make gigantic sacrifices for it as the others have mentioned. Work on it and find out how to balance each of your individual lives as well. Also, DO NOT let yourself get a jealous head...those thoughts will eat you alive. Trust that she's good to you until you know otherwise.

[VirginNoMore]

All of these tips have helped out a ton. Im sure i can make it happen, if my efforts have paid off for this long than there is no reason that if i keep up my effort than things wont change. hopefully. I know things will change and i know there will be a big adjustment period and will need to get used to it and it can be just as easy as a close distance relationship. do you agree?

[liz2007]

In my experience if the relationship is strong and built on solid foundations then it will last. Good communication is essential- make sure that if something annoys you then you mention it and discuss it. Dont let all the little things build up until you explode in fury.
Also make sure that youre both putting equal effort in- you dont want an unequal realtionship. College is an amazing fun part of your life so you really must make the most of it. It takes a while to adjust especially because youll both be meeting loads of new people. Make sure you both give each other space to meet new people, especially at first and then over time you can each get to know each others friends.

Its not easy being long distance (no relationship is), but it does teach you to make the most of teh time that you do spend together.

[VirginNoMore]

Ive made my decision and am going to the college that will be 2 hours away... i wish i knew what i was getting into.