Should I be upset?

[Mavrick420]

I've been married for 7 years. My wife is everything to me besides my kids.

Yesterday I found a number in her pants. The number is from a cell phone from cali. With a name on it Mr. Wells. I asked her about it, she got frazzled and started stuttering and finaly told me its just a friend and she was talking to him just to talk.

And after we talked I felt a little better. So today we had lunch together and she wrote me a letter. Saying that she had called him from home and so on. Personaly I feel devastated and betrayed. Now she has never been unfaithful but I have had my suspions in the past. She keeps saying she did nothing wrong but I feel otherwise.

Am I wrong for feeling this way....?

[sera300]

So how did you find this in her pants? If it was a friend, why would she write Mr. Wells? And not Rick or a first name? Are you sure it's not a business acquaintance? An attorney? Perhaps someone she contacted to purchase you a gift? Did she tell you how she met this friend? And any reason she did not mention his name to you?

I there is no good answer to the above; I would be suspicious and I would sit down and talk to her.

[Mavrick420]

I found it in her pants while doing the wash. We both really don't have any true friends. I have one plus all six of my brothers. And same goes for her. He does work with the same company just we are in florida and he is in cali.

She says that it started with emails and went from there. And its someone just to talk to. Well I know my wife and that dosen't sound like her at all. Just to up and start talking about personal issues.

Thats what I dont understand why its mr. wells. She says that is what it says at the bottom of his emails. She did not mention it because I would freak out. Well what did think I was going too do when I found out FREAK OUT OFCOURSE.

[sera300]

So she has this friend she met through work, she e-mailed with him, and calls him from home to chat about personal issues and calls him (refers to him) as "Mr. Wells"??? She does not call him on the phone and say Hi...Rick or Mike...it's Hi Mr. Wells? What does he do at the company? Do you know? It's sounds wierd to me....When was she going to tell you? When Mr. Wells calls your house looking for her???? Okay, maybe neither have a lot of friends, but there are a whole host of women out there to befriend. I think she needs to come clean w/you.

[Mavrick420]

From what I know he works out in the field and gathers data and sends everything to her and she inputs it in.

Another thing is that it looked new. IE, if you write something down and leave it in your pocket it looks rather used or old. I asked about that and she says its about 10 days old. Well it dosent look 10 days old I said and I'm the bad guy. And from my phone records that she sent me is teh first call started on feb 21 and the last one was mar 8th.

The more I think about it the more I want to puke my guts out and crwal in a tiny hole and rotaway.

[sera300]

Does she work from home? Or is she doing extra work from home?

[Mavrick420]

No, She works in a office and its a goverment type of a job so they are very strick. Nothing leaves the building.

We have been emailing since lunch and this is one of her responses.

No I would just call him, he didn't call me first. It was like therapy, that is all. He told me to get a book that helped him out about 5 years to help with dealing with drama and issues within yourself. It is called the Celestine Prophecy....stuff like that. He said he has learned not to allow so much drama in his life, like the mother-in-law and stuff with Lisa, and stuff like that. That is all.....he gave me different ideas about things to try with you, different ways to talk to you.

No I have never sent him a picture, I swear, that is not what it was about. I swear hunny. He also told me a lot of what he does and explained things that I didn't understand and helped him under the process of work.

We have talked about the kids, his daughter's name is Arwen and she is 15 months old and she is advanced for her age, she is does stuff like Logan use-to do at that age. That is all, just a friendship. Baby I would never do anything to you that would ruin us, please hunny, I love you baby.

Love you always and forever,

[NizeGie]

Is it "an issue"? Yeah, sure.

Is it a huge-potentially-life-changing event? No. Not unless you let it turn into one.

Potentially, it could improve your relationship.

[sera300]

He almost sounds like he is the EAP (Employee Assistance Program)counselor. Perhaps this is why she calls him Mr. Wells. I cannot see discussing in depth personal info. w/someone and referring to them by a title (Mr. or Mrs.) unless there is a professional relationship, such as attorney- client or EAP-employee.

It's weird. The whole thing. I could understand a co-worker in her office, if she befriended, and chatting with him if he had noticed her upset at work due to marital issues. But this is just plain odd.

I knew my ex's work friends, male & female and visa verse. If I called someone or they called me it was normal. Same with my ex. The only exception was one female new co-worker/friend who showed up on my doorstep with her puppy looking for my husband. He was not home, I answered the door and she was looking for him. She asked me if I was his housekeeper, (she did not know he was married) all I could do was say "sort of".

I think given what you have said you have to take her on her word for now. Trust me, if she had something going on w/him she would not have left the number in her pants...knowing you do the laundry at times. Generally they are more discreet, paranoid about getting caught.

All I can say is as angry or upset as you are; do not use the upset/anger to shut her off. You may not like it but you have to listen to her and HEAR her. I would ask her point blank in person, if she was involved with him.

Stop and think for a bit. I can understand being angry w/her discussing issues outside of the marriage before she turned to you about them, and I can understand you being angry & hurt that she did not tell you up front about her new friend "Mr. Wells".

It's just too weird for me to think it's an affair.

[PunkChick]

Yea I agree with sera. She probably does just talk to him as a mate/colleague I'm sure if she WAS having an affair she would've made it more secretive, you should try giving her the benefit of the doubt but I spose you shouldn't rule the possibility of an affair out... from what you said in your first post she probably felt awkward and didn't want to say she'd been talkin to him incase you got the wrong impression and it came over like she was tryin to hide something, either way just talk to her, i hope it goes well for you!