How to give my husband reassurance that I am not cheating.

[*mrscary*]

So my husband has issues with my faithfullness to him. He is locked up and has cheated on me a number of times. I think that he does not trust me because of all of the scandelous things he has done to me. I choose to not cheat on him. I could if that was the type of thing I was into. His problem is that his imagination will play tricks on him. For example he was watching a TV show where a girl cheated on her man and then told me. This made him mad and he immidiatly knew that I am cheating on him. I have told him I don't know how many times that I am not cheating. I am almost to the I might as well cheat since he keeps accusing me point. Help!

[foxdan]

This is hard having to justify yourself for things he has done and insecurities
Ask him if it is something you do or say that makes him feel that way.
Point out to him that you are there for him and him alone, and that you will do anything to put his mined at ease,
Jealousy and accusations are two different things, and that accusations push people away

[bruins76]

I know how you feel. I recently discovered that my DH has cheated on me, but I've NEVER cheated on him. But now he's going through my emails, checking paperwork, calling #'s that come up on our caller ID that are harmless, etc. He doesn't know that I know he's doing this but I do...

The problem is he's cheated on you & now he automatically expects a scorned, hurt & angry wife/SO is going to do the same to him. He's guilty & he expects to be punished. His own guilt is eating away at his ego & it's normal. Part of his own personal hell that HE created which is why I choose not to discuss it w/ my DH cause he's choosing this behavior & actions & think's I know nothing about it.

What I am trying to say is that this is HIS problem, not yours. He is the one who has to work this out, go to therapy, what ever, in the mean time, you've told this man you're not cheating & that should be that. If he starts to try to isolate you thinking that it will keep you from cheating, then you're going to have to do something grand, perhaps separate for a while so he can clear out his own personal demons.

Long story short, this isn't your issue/problem, it's his.

GL, HIH
~C

[lookingforspice]

If his cheating is something that you have totally forgiven him for, I would try to tell him in a way that doesn't make him feel like you are angry at him again, that you know what it feels like to have your husband cheat on you and that you would never do that to another person. Tell him that this is something that happened, and that you have moved on from it and that you are the same person you were before he cheated on you. He obviously never thought you would cheat on him before, so why now? And if his behavior doesn't change, I can easily see and end to the marriage. I mean who wants to be accused of this kind of thing repeatedly when there are no grounds for it? I personally would get very tired of trying to proove myself.

[gazmedic]

I must admit. i'm one for reading magazines / watching tv where the women have affairs and then my mind plays tricks on my with my girlfriend. and it does become an issue as sometimes i think to end the relationship because i just don't trust women. Cheating is getting more frequent and daily and more people find it socially acceptable. and i can't bare to go through that. Even though my girlfriend is dead good to me.

She's cheated in the past relationship and that makes me more insecure. But I'd never say any of this too her. i mean ive dropped hints before and she always passes her off. but i figure if i treat her right she won't need to stray. Saying that i'd never dream of cheating on her. It's a feeling i'd never wish on anyone.

[Brandye]

cary,

There is nothing you can do. Someone who is a habitual cheat or liar and is projecting those qualities onto another will never be convinced.

Bruins found about the only solution I can think of short of extensive psychotherapy - for him.

[Beans518]

I'm sorry if this upsets anyone,but you're in an abusive relationship. If he was so worried about you cheating why get locked up? No one put his ass there but him. Why keep explaining yourself to someone like that? Watch that one, he is a time bomb waiting to explode.Also that constant asking you if you're cheating is a form of control.

[EvilEvilKitten]

DIVORCE HIM - I totally agree with Beans!! This man is emotionally and psychologically ABUSING you!! RUN and get yourself a lawyer with fangs down to his/her kneecaps!