First Time Posting - Need Help with Husband's Sexual Desire

[KT9508]

I am 30 years old and my husband is 25. I have previously been married and have much more sexual experience. He was only with three girls before me and none of them were very experienced either. I have a couple of different problems.

1) He has a low sex drive and tells me that he is simply not all that interested in sex. He doesn't place the kind of importance on it in a relationship.

2) I am an incredibly sexual person and what I believe to be very giving in the bedroom. There was a time when I would read articles of things I could do to my husband that he would like and try new things all the time. My husband doesn't seem interested in learning anything at all about how to please me. He doesn't know what things turn me on, foreplay is practically non-existent, and I rarely have an orgasm when we have sex unless I give it to myself or use some kind of vibrator. He rarely initiates sex, never takes control. I have talked to him in the past about my concerns and I get the not interested in sex thing or promises that he will try to do some research but he never does. Is it unreasonable to want my husband to be able to drive me crazy and turn me on and please me?

I would appreciate productive posts only, and thanks for the help!!! I am out of ideas.

Thanks KT9508

[foxdan]

You don’t mention how long you have been married, Has his sex drive gone down with time or has he just not had an interest from the start?
As a man maybe I can help.
Different things turn different men on Touch, woman in tight clothes, being shaved ect.
It will be up you to find out what turns him on. Generally what your partner dose to you is what they like ie touching your eat rubbing your back ect.
Stress and medication also has a large role in determining a persons sex drive.
Most people are more sexual on vacation than when they are at work.
Hope I was able to give a little input and help
Best of luck

[KT9508]

We have been married since May 2006. Our sex life was good for awhile, but mainly because I instigated most of the sex. I want to figure out how both of us can work on getting him more interested, confident, experimental. etc...

Any women out there with this problem...if so please post what helped.

Thanks,

[open man]

Well KT,

I am not a woman, however, The few times he does get excited what makes it happen?

Lingerie?, Role Play? Hand job/Oral? Etc

Whatever it is start it and then make it last as long as you can? Keep him there. try small lengths of time and work your way up. If The longer he stays erect the more he will enjoy it. The more he will like and want more of it. Be careful, not to make it one sided too often. He needs to feel it is just as exciting to please you as well. (for me more exciting).

Does he masturbate?

Try and find out what he does (his technique), and add that in to your sex play, except keep him erect as long as possible, but he he does ejaculate earlier than you wanted, try not to be disappointed, wait a few minutes then try it again. No pressure not expectations. He should slowly want to experience more and more.

When boys are going thru puberty they always masturbate in secret in hiding. Always afraid of being caught. So we always masturbated to reach orgasm quickly, and masturbation was looked at as wrong so maybe he just doesn't associate good things with sex.

Good Luck!

[Brandye]

The two of you need to get some help discussing this. A great difference in sexual desire leads to unpleasant endings.

[open man]

sorry brandye,

help me out on this..

[open man]

Sorry KT didn;t mean to confuse you more

[EvilEvilKitten]

And you married a sexually incompatible man -- why????

[apost3]

Any women out there with this problem...if so please post what helped.

I am in the same boat with you, and am female, as well. I am 26, my fiance (been together almost 3 yrs) is 31. He has never had a huge sex drive (compared to me, especially) but we managed to have sex 2 or 3 times a week at least. ( I could go daily or even TWICE daily). The past year and a half or so, his sex drive has gone MAJORLY down hill.. 2 or 3 times a month now. I've mentioned it to him, and like your husband, it just isnt' high on his priority, and he doesn't care to try to make it any higher to please me. I think it's selfish (but now I'm getting to my opinion.. lol). I've begged him to talk to the doctor to check testosterone... nothing. I feel like how most men complain about their wife not wanting sex.. I am ALWAYS the one to initiate sex and am turned down more times than not. I hear "i've got a headache" "i'm tired" "my stomach hurts" "i'm not in the mood".

In my experience, NOTHING has helped. Most of my sexual satisfaction sadly comes from the use of my friend Mr. Bullet. I've begged, pleaded, stopped asking or even mentioning sex.... from one extreme to another, nothing has truly helped.

I personally am very much between a rock and a hard place.. because I love this man dearly, but am begining to really wonder if I can continue this road and be in a passionless and sexless marriage someday. He won't even touch me or kiss me more than a peck on the lips unless we are having sex.

Wow..sounds like I started a whole new thread seeking advice, huh?? lol.

I've posted for advice before, and the advice is great ~ just didn't work for me. I was told talk to him ~ made him upset because it's not an issue to him..he's fine with our sexlife..or lack thereof. Secondly, told to see a counselor... well, if he wont' TALK to me about it, he sure as hell isnt' gonna talk to a stranger.... I was told to have an affair..which will never happen. I was told to just please myself... which I do, but that gets old when there is a man right there who should care enough about my sexual satisfaction to make an effort.

So..what do you do?? If you get an answer..let me know.

Sorry if I made this more confusing than anything... just felt like I could relate and sometimes it's nice to have someone who's in your shoes to know you aren't the ONLY one out there in sexual misery.

[sera300]

There is no fix. If he is that closed to talking/counseling or to wanting to fix a problem, he sees your relationship as being enough. Assuming you cannot live this way; I'd say here is his choice and pick one: counseling or a divorce.