His Ex's

[emma23]

I've been going out with my boyfriend for about 10 months now and it's the best relationship ever But before him i'd only been in casual relationships (no sex) whereas he has slept with 8 or 9 people. At first this bothered me but most of them were girlfriends apart from the odd one...lol
Anyway, we occasionally see/hear from girls that hes been out with/slept with and I find it really difficult. He says that he's never cared about anyone as much as me and all that, and I believe him, it's just his ex's really bother me! I hate the thought of him with another girl, just like he doesn't like the thought of me with another guy, but compared to him, my relationship history is non existant!
There's another thing, he slept with a girl who lives not far from us and although he doesn't have feelings for her, whenever we talk about the past he says he wished he'd never hurt her and that she's 'a lovely girl'. She is one of only 2 girls that he has ever performed oral sex on. He was slightly younger than he is now and was apparently drunk at the time but now, he refuses to go down on me even though he did it with her and someone else. I'd do anything for him and I often give him oral sex. What's bothering me is not that he won't give it to me - it's just that he's done it with this other girl (who I guess, I'm jealous of) and it's like they've got something in common that me and him haven't. He's said in the past that he thinks kissing someone means more than having sex with someone (I don't quite know how to take that one) but I guess this might explain the number of ex's cause, I think he's quite young to have 8 or 9!

I just wonder if the way I feel about his ex's is normal? I know i've got to get over it and bizarrely it makes me feel better knowing the details of his relationships and although very few of them were serious it still makes me feel weird...

Sorry for babbling....it's actually helped me to get it all out of my system!

x x x

[Sirene]

This is very familiar.
I felt the same about my girl, why did she do this with someone else, but not me? I asked myself. It turns out she was lying about the things she said she had done with others.

Have you asked him why he wont give you oral? It's a bit bizzare, if he really has done oral on other girls there should be no real reason why he wont on you.

I thinks it quite normal to feel the way you do. It makes me feel sick when i think of my girl with someone else, & all of my friends dont feel happy about their partners talking about their exes.

You just need to talk to him. I talked to my girl about it & it worked, mostly anyway.



This is exactly why partners should NOT talk about their exes.
I hate it so much. I just wish everyone would stop doing it, it ALWAYS causes so many problems.

[Invader_Akira]

I know that this gonna sound bad, but good thing that my husband and I were each others first... I wish it could happen to everyone else like that. Have talked to him about how you're feeling?

[Sirene]

If I was someones first I wouldnt expect them to stay with me. People usually need to experience the world before they settle down.

[emma23]

[QUOTE=Sirene;171437]Have you asked him why he wont give you oral? It's a bit bizzare, if he really has done oral on other girls there should be no real reason why he wont on you.QUOTE]

Yeah, he says he doesn't like it, which is fair enough - i'm not gonna force him to do anything he doesn't want to do. It's not even like I really want him to do it I just feel...almost insulted that he'll do it with someone he'd just started going out with and not me - someone he feels a lot more for. I think i'm just jealous of her to be honest.

But it's good to know that i'm not the only one who feels this way about ex's. I hate thinking about him with anyone else but at the same time feel selfish thinking that way. It doesn't help that we live in close proximities to people he's been with...it acts like a constant reminder! The other day, for example, I saw a receipt on his desk from February last year (when he was with someone else...we started dating in May) which said that he'd bought condoms. Even that made me feel weird!

[Sirene]

Yup i know exactly how you feel.
It's a really horrible feeling i know. I wouldnt wish it on anyone.
For years ive tried ways to make it stop, but it wont.
I cant really suggest anything for you.
Good luck with it all though

[bruins76]

I completely understand. We all know that our mates have been w/ other gals/guys in the past prior to us *unless you're both virgins* but the thought of someone that we care about w/ someone else is gross, it can make you physically ill, trust me I know.

The fact that he's telling you stuff about his past, he shouldn't be, unless of course you've asked him those questions. IMO, all that has happened in both of your lives PRIOR to you guys meeting, do not talk about. Period. If you do, you're going to have "visuals" or hear something that is going to guarantee to upset, that simple.

Don't even go there, cause if you do, it's like a bad car accident, you'll not want to see it but you wont be able to look away either, KWIM?

As far as what he's done w/ others prior to you, it doesn't matter. You guys are a different chemistry, different couple. What you two do together today & now moving forward has nothing do w/ your past. Cherish what you 2 have together as a couple now, don't compare it to his past or your past, unless it's a requirement (like you need to have sex & he had sex in the past but all of a sudden decided to become a born again virgin when he met you, then that would be different).

What I am trying to say is that leave the past in the past, otherwise you'll make yourself crazy.

There are LOTS of things that I "used" to do in my past that I will NOT do now w/ my DH, I just wont, but he doesn't know that I've done those things or would have done those things in my past cause we do not discuss our past w/ one another (w/ in reason). So please, do yourself a favor, don't go there, otherwise, it's going to eat up your relationship & you're going to totally be 100% jealous, it's normal.

Next time he starts to talk about something that is part of his past, change the subject, he'll get the hint & if he doesn't, sit him down & explain how this is bothering you & tell him that you can't go there anymore otherwise you're going to be jealous & there is no room for jealousy in a relationship. It's like a cancer, it will eat you up alive & kill you, ultimately ending your relationship.

HIH & GL
~C

[Sirene]

Originally Posted by bruins76

I completely understand. We all know that our mates have been w/ other gals/guys in the past prior to us *unless you're both virgins* but the thought of someone that we care about w/ someone else is gross, it can make you physically ill, trust me I know.

The fact that he's telling you stuff about his past, he shouldn't be, unless of course you've asked him those questions. IMO, all that has happened in both of your lives PRIOR to you guys meeting, do not talk about. Period. If you do, you're going to have "visuals" or hear something that is going to guarantee to upset, that simple.

Don't even go there, cause if you do, it's like a bad car accident, you'll not want to see it but you wont be able to look away either, KWIM?

As far as what he's done w/ others prior to you, it doesn't matter. You guys are a different chemistry, different couple. What you two do together today & now moving forward has nothing do w/ your past. Cherish what you 2 have together as a couple now, don't compare it to his past or your past, unless it's a requirement (like you need to have sex & he had sex in the past but all of a sudden decided to become a born again virgin when he met you, then that would be different).

What I am trying to say is that leave the past in the past, otherwise you'll make yourself crazy.

There are LOTS of things that I "used" to do in my past that I will NOT do now w/ my DH, I just wont, but he doesn't know that I've done those things or would have done those things in my past cause we do not discuss our past w/ one another (w/ in reason). So please, do yourself a favor, don't go there, otherwise, it's going to eat up your relationship & you're going to totally be 100% jealous, it's normal.

Next time he starts to talk about something that is part of his past, change the subject, he'll get the hint & if he doesn't, sit him down & explain how this is bothering you & tell him that you can't go there anymore otherwise you're going to be jealous & there is no room for jealousy in a relationship. It's like a cancer, it will eat you up alive & kill you, ultimately ending your relationship.

HIH & GL
~C

Well said. I completely agree with all you've said.

[emma23]

Thanks for all your help guys. It's nice to know that i'm not the first person to feel this way! Sometimes I think I must be a really jealous, pyscho girlfriend for letting these things bother me so much! But now I realise it's normal to feel a bit weird when 'ex' is mentioned...

[Sirene]

Originally Posted by emma23

Thanks for all your help guys. It's nice to know that i'm not the first person to feel this way! Sometimes I think I must be a really jealous, pyscho girlfriend for letting these things bother me so much! But now I realise it's normal to feel a bit weird when 'ex' is mentioned...

If you wanna go into detail about anything you can send me a PM. I really do know exactly what its like & its always good to have someone to talk to that has experienced the same. It also helps to understand it more, what sets you off, what doesn't, how your reaction is etc.

Like I say, just gimme a PM if you wanna talk.
I wouldn't mind a talk too. Never really talked about it in detail before to anyone.