Girlfriends sexual issues - sex is dirty

[Sirene]

My girlfriend says she has no sexual drive. She said she's not bothered wether she has sex or not. She doesn't look forward to it or anything.
She thinks sex is dirty. She has had no religious upbringing & her mum has brought her up to think about sex as a positive thing.

I'm not bragging, but I have every reason to believe that I'm a really good lover. Previous girlfriends have told people how amazing in bed I am & that leads other people to want to sleep with me. I make my girlfriend cum every single time we have sex, at least once but usually 2 or 3 times.

She doesn't look forward to sex even though i make her cum. She has no sexual drive unless I make her horny.
For her it's just getting passed the first hurdle, which is being turned on.
I can turn her on with little effort, but because she doesn't get horny & has no desire for sex she doesn't initiate sexual contact with me. Which leaves me feeling rejected.

She said she doesn't want to feel like it's wrong & she wants a higher sex drive because she knows it would be better for both of us being like that.

Maybe she has a hormone problem? I have no idea. She hasn't got time to see a sex therapist as she works full time.
I've told her it's so frustrating for me because I will do anything I can to help but there is actually nothing I can do.

She says she'll always find sex a dirty thing, even though she enjoys it.
She thinks that sex & everything involved in foreplay & sex is for the guy, even though she still enjoys it...

She has never, ever masturbated & she thinks it is wrong for females to masturbate & it's normal for guys to do it.

We both have no idea where she got this attitude from but we both need it to go.
It's causing problems with us.
She just needs to let go & go with the flow, but she can't.

I asked her if she looks forward to orgasms & she said she doesn't, she feels bad even talking about it.

I know she enjoys sex with me, but she has so many inhibitions.
What can I do to help her?
I'm stuck for ideas & it's so frustrating.

Over time sex is becoming less exciting because at first she acted as if she was up for anything & that she didnt have a problem with sex, but now we've talked & i know she does think it's dirty, she doesnt have to try so hard because I know what she is like now & she doesnt have to pretend she has a "normal" sex drive for my sake.

I want her to look forward to sex, I want her to want it. I just dont understand how she could feel like this if she enjoys having sex with me.

She said it's nothing to do at all with the way im doing things & that its entirely just her. I want to help her, & she wants help too. But we cant see a therapist as she works full time.

Religion has no place in our relationship & she has never, ever been religious. I can't think of any reason why she is like she is.

What can we do?

[demonbuttercup]

Originally Posted by Sirene

She doesn't look forward to sex even though i make her cum. She has no sexual drive unless I make her horny.
For her it's just getting passed the first hurdle, which is being turned on.
I can turn her on with little effort, but because she doesn't get horny & has no desire for sex she doesn't initiate sexual contact with me. Which leaves me feeling rejected.

I can really relate to this and so could my B/F if he read it.

I am basically the same way, sex... I can take it leave it... but when we are together he makes me orgasm every time.

Altho, I do not feel that it's dirty or feel bad b/c I am feeling pleasure.

I don't know how to explain the lack of drive... or why its there.. wish I did. I am on the BC pill.. so I don't know if that is what it could be.

[Sirene]

Originally Posted by demonbuttercup

I can really relate to this and so could my B/F if he read it.

I am basically the same way, sex... I can take it leave it... but when we are together he makes me orgasm every time.

Altho, I do not feel that it's dirty or feel bad b/c I am feeling pleasure.

I don't know how to explain the lack of drive... or why its there.. wish I did. I am on the BC pill.. so I don't know if that is what it could be.

But do you not feel that the orgasms are so good that you look forward to it?
I gave an example to my girlfriend...

A piece of chocolate cake, it tastes good & it makes you feel good. You want it because of these reasons. You want it so you go & get it.
Why isn't it the same with sex? You know it will feel good, so why do you not want it? Why dont you look forward to it?

I guess I cant expect to know the answer because my girl doesnt even know the answer.

Does the way you are cause problems for you? Are you planning on doing anything about it?

[demonbuttercup]

Yea it does cause problems... and I say I am going to do something about but I don't really know what to do... so nothing ever changes and the same issues keep coming up. I try to make myself more forward... and try to iniate things more often... but doesn't really happen

I mean for me sometimes it just seems like too much effort or something. I don't know.... Like I could be doing something "constructive" w/ my time... yet I know that it is constructive in maintaining and growing my relationship.
I know how your g/f feels, its hard to explain.. and if we don't understand it, how can we even begin to help you guys understand it or even for us.. try to fix it.

[sera300]

I would talk to your Gyn doctor to see if any of the decrease is due to the BCP, sometimes it's as simple as switching pills to restore libido. I have a high libido & when put on Yasmin, it killed it (absent) until I was switched to Triphasil.

In part, I believe it's also in your mindset, you have to keep a focus on sexual needs, anticipate it; therefore, resulting in being in the mood. Focusing on what is wrong for the day, what else you could be doing, etc. only deters from the libido. Maybe just try to make an effort & think about it more?

[Sirene]

Originally Posted by demonbuttercup

Yea it does cause problems... and I say I am going to do something about but I don't really know what to do... so nothing ever changes and the same issues keep coming up. I try to make myself more forward... and try to iniate things more often... but doesn't really happen

I mean for me sometimes it just seems like too much effort or something. I don't know.... Like I could be doing something "constructive" w/ my time... yet I know that it is constructive in maintaining and growing my relationship.
I know how your g/f feels, its hard to explain.. and if we don't understand it, how can we even begin to help you guys understand it or even for us.. try to fix it.

My girl says the same thing. She keeps saying she'll try & she doesn't because she doesn't know how.
I feel like saying to her "Ok, I wont initiate anything & if you want sex then you come & get it!", then I know that we won't have sex ever again until I do something to initiate it first & i'll be laying next to her in bed thinking "3 weeks without sex, she must really be disgusted & turned off by me for it to go this long". I know deep down it's her problem & I dont have anything to do with it, but i cant help feeling rejected because she doesnt want me sometimes. Gah! So frustrating!

Ive never had a girl like this, all my exes were like rabbits & wanted it ALL the time, & I mean ALL the time.

[demonbuttercup]

I am due for my yearly here in the next month or so.. so I am going to bring it up.

And I know I have a problem w/ "worrying". I am always thinking about what stuff needs to be done.. yet there is never enough time. Etc....

[nj_guy]

Originally Posted by Sirene

But do you not feel that the orgasms are so good that you look forward to it?
I gave an example to my girlfriend...

A piece of chocolate cake, it tastes good & it makes you feel good. You want it because of these reasons. You want it so you go & get it.
Why isn't it the same with sex? You know it will feel good, so why do you not want it? Why dont you look forward to it?

I guess I cant expect to know the answer because my girl doesnt even know the answer.

Does the way you are cause problems for you? Are you planning on doing anything about it?

My wife used the chocolate cake analogy but in a different way. As she put it, even if you like chocolate cake, you don't want to eat it every day.

[Sirene]

Originally Posted by nj_guy

My wife used the chocolate cake analogy but in a different way. As she put it, even if you like chocolate cake, you don't want to eat it every day.

lol good come back from her.

[Sirene]

Originally Posted by demonbuttercup

Yea it does cause problems... and I say I am going to do something about but I don't really know what to do... so nothing ever changes and the same issues keep coming up. I try to make myself more forward... and try to iniate things more often... but doesn't really happen

I mean for me sometimes it just seems like too much effort or something. I don't know.... Like I could be doing something "constructive" w/ my time... yet I know that it is constructive in maintaining and growing my relationship.
I know how your g/f feels, its hard to explain.. and if we don't understand it, how can we even begin to help you guys understand it or even for us.. try to fix it.

I copied & pasted this to my girlfriend in MSN, she said she agrees with what you're saying.

I wish there was a cure lol