I need help to stay with my husband

[Invader_Akira]

I have been married since December 2006 and I have been with my husband for a total of 3 years. I love him with everything that I am, but I having thoughts about being with a friend of mine. This friend and I dated 6-7 years ago and he's my go-to guy (for advice and nothing else). My heart is telling me that I'm wrong for feeling like I do, but my mind is saying something else. I'd rather listen to my heart than do anything bad to my husband. I don't want to tell my husband this b/c I'm afraid of the reaction he'll give me. I will not allow myself to betray my husband in that way. I don't to have history repeat itself (his father slept with someone a couple years older than him and they had a child). The weird thing is that my friend and my husband seem like they're one in the same. I just want the thoughts of being with someone else to go away. I don't want to be with anyone else except my husband. Any thoughts to make the thoughts go away or anything I can do to fix this? I'm so confused that I don't know what or should do. One thing's for certain though, I am not willing to throw away a 3 year relationship b/c it's not right for my husband or for me. Please help.

[sera300]

So you have been married for 4 months? If you love your husband & are committed to the marriage, and monogamy is a must, then understand there are times you will have feelings for other's and your commitment is stronger.

But it sounds as if you are uncertain of your choice, that you have to figure out. If it's as bad choice, marriage, then it's easier to realize it now then 10 years & 5 children later.

Gee, what ever happened to honeymoon bliss? Honestly first, did you make the wrong decision? Y or N? If No, forget your friend, he is just that, your friend. If yes, divorce now.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Drop the other man out of your life ocmpletely. No "going to" him for anything! Sorry but that is how it has to be if you're going to stay with your husband.

[Invader_Akira]

I'm not really uncertain about getting married to my husband, it's just I think I should have waited to get married, but I can't take back what I did (I don't regret it and I know that I won't). I wish I could drop my friend, but he's my husband's friend too so I don't know how to go about that and we've been good friends for 7-8 years (I've known my friend longer than my husband). I don't want to divorce my husband since I know that none of this stuff is his fault. It doesn't help that he works 12 hour shifts during the week. Another problem is that my husband doesn't know how I feel since I want to tell him. I'm not sure how to tell him.

[Sirene]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

Drop the other man out of your life ocmpletely. No "going to" him for anything! Sorry but that is how it has to be if you're going to stay with your husband.

For once I agree.

Any feelings for this guy will go if you stop seeing him.

[sera300]

If you love your husband; you stop going to this guy for ANYTHING. He is a mutual friend, distance yourself. You go to your husband for emotional support. So he works 12's...don't many of us?

You DO NOT tell your husband how you feel...why so you can make him hurt so badly? Destroy his friendship? End your marriage? You made a commitment, time to honor it and forget this friend.

If you don't want to be married, now is the time to speak up, leave, and give him a divorce.

This is going to sound harsh but, you need to stop thinking about you and start thinking about your husband. Perhaps then the situation will be different.

[Invader_Akira]

That's the reason why I'm in this situation... I'm thinking about my husband and what he means to me. He's done everything for me and I can never thank him enough. I am not going to throw away a 3 year relationship for anything and it took me a long time to completely trust him. As I said before, I don't want to divorce him b/c he hasn't done anything wrong and I'd rather jump off a bridge than cheat on my husband anyday. He's helping get through college and told me not to worry about a job b/c he wants to see me graduate and make something of myself. I'm hoping that this whole thing's a phase b/c I want it to be over and done. What I need to do now is figure out how to forget him, the friend I mean. Any tips for getting closer to my husband so I don't think about my friend?

[Zan]

Just be with him... do things together, and ofcourse keep away from the friend, only times you see him is if your husband is around... but really, dont go to him for the support you need/want, that is what your partner is for. Its easy to not think of someone or something if you keep yourself busy, especially if you keep busy with your partner.

[Invader_Akira]

Just to make this clear, I only go to my friend for advice on my relationship. Every time that I think of being with my friend in the sexual sense, I get grossed out so I know that it wouldn't work in that way anyway. Is it weird that my friend considers himself self-appointed psychiatrist to me? I usually don't see him until the weekend when he comes and stays for the weekend, but my house is the hangout for all our friends. I get so bored when I come home from college, so I try to go places. I need stuff to do to occupy my time. It sucks that my husband and I have opposite schedules which is why I can't really spend time with him during the week and our friends come over on the weekends. I'm sure that people are gonna tell me to not to let them come over, but my friends have their problems at home too and they also live on campus and don't want to go home. (That was a long sentence.) I really need to get my priorities in order. Also, every time that I want to do something with him, all he wants to do is play FFXI online or he's too tired to do anything due to work. *sigh...

[Beans518]

Well, from what I've been reading it just seems to me that you're making excuses of why you shoudn't be with your husband. You said you've been with this person a total of what 4 years, you've been married for 4 mths. You knew what his work schedule was like when you married him. Even if you didn't I'm sure he has at least one or two days off. If he's tired, he has a right to be, he's busting his ass now to make a better life for the two of you in the future.While it's great for men to spoil thier lady why not try spoiling your man just once. When he comes home from work, run him some bath water, give him a massage ask him about his day.That way you spend time togather,he gets to relax and you can open up the lines of communication because obviously there's a problem there. You need to find what it is you lost in the relationship and get it back. This problem was already brewing before you got married. About the friend, you are human and it's normal to have attractions to other people, but it's not hard to stop either. You need to stop going to this guy with your personnal problems. How do you think your husband will feel when he finds out your're telling one of his close finds details of your relationship? Get a girl friend! If they are really your friend they can juggle you and their life too.Last but not least,you're an adult in an adult situation, ACT LIKE ONE! Stop running to your friends with all your problems and turn to the one person who took a vow before GOD to be with you no matter what! I've never made a post this long so thank you for your patience and can some one tell me how to break this stuff up into paragraphs?! I do use punctuation though