I think i'm going to lose her

[Sirene]

I think this weekend will be the one where she dumps me.
I've been crying all morning at even the thought of it.

She told me on the phone last night that she was talking to her ex & he mentioned that they left it far too long to break up after it went to **** & that it kinda feels the same with us.
That hurt very much when she said that.
Im desperate for us to work out, I called her at 6.30am just to hear her voice.

She's been really really angry with me recently, ever since I mentioned the fact that we never kiss. She said she's been feeling in a really aggressive mood recently.

Im really upset, but I want our weekend to be good. I want to act normal around her so she can feel normal too. But how can i act normal & happy when im so miserable i cant stop crying?

Im so desperate for her love that ill do anything.
Its too soon for us to be over. Its only been 8 months. I wanted to move in with this girl & share my life with her. She's amazing & I love her so very much.
I've never fought so hard to keep a girl. She's so worth it.
We make each other unhappy though, only when we argue, which is most weekends. Say if we have a good weekend & then we argue on sunday, she goes home with the argument in her head, completely forgetting how good the rest of the weekend was.

We need to have a good talk. When she comes over tonight Im gonna have candles lit & a bottle of mulled wine so we can talk it all over.

I really hope I dont lose her, she means so much to me. She means the world to me. She's gorgeous & I love her.

I cant stop worrying & i cant stop crying. I lover her & I want to be with her.


How can i prove that im willing to fight my hardest to save the relationship?
How can i prove that im devoted to her?

Wish me luck tonight, for i feel it is my last chance to keep her love & for us to stay together. I hope it goes well.

Should I wear make up to look pretty? She likes guys in make up but i only usually wear it when we go out to goth/rock clubs.

[foxdan]

My heart goes out to you
You come across as such a harsh person but I see you have a soft heart
Show her your soft side tonight and I hope that all goes well
Try to forget about what was said this morning and try to focus on the moment when you are with her
Good luck and
Thank you for sharing your thoughts

[Sirene]

Originally Posted by foxdan

My heart goes out to you
You come across as such a harsh person but I see you have a soft heart
Show her your soft side tonight and I hope that all goes well
Try to forget about what was said this morning and try to focus on the moment when you are with her
Good luck and
Thank you for sharing your thoughts

Yes, maybe she said it in the heat of the moment, because she was in a bad mood.

I know i do say some pretty harsh things on here, I never mean most of them. I just do it for my own entertainment.

Thank you for replying. I hope all of your thoughts are with me tonight when I try to save us.

Thanks again.

[sera300]

Sirene:

I am sorry. Before you get into too much with her, just slow down a bit. Don't over do the weekend, just step back (don't let her go) and put no pressure on her or yourself, set no expectations with one exception--no fighting. All you can do is remain calm, try to be neutral and not react on emotion--this is very hard. Flooding her with feelings which overwhelm her right now may force her away, even if it's not what she really wants.

So you are saying how am I supposed do this when I love her so much? Loving her means putting her needs first here (as you mentioned in another post) and allowing her time to sort through what is happening, and allowing yourself an opportunity to evaluate what is happening. Just try to spend time with her this weekend, no pressure, and keep it "light". Let her open up to you, highly charged emotional encounters are so hard, (been there) only to look back at a later date wondering if I approached it well (deep inside knowing I did not).

Pretty yourself up tonight, look your best because I am sure you are looking a bit stressed. Keep eye contact with her and really try to smile. There are potholes in all relationships (where we wonder WTF) hopefully this is just one with yours.

[Sirene]

Originally Posted by sera300

Sirene:

I am sorry. Before you get into too much with her, just slow down a bit. Don't over do the weekend, just step back (don't let her go) and put no pressure on her or yourself, set no expectations with one exception--no fighting. All you can do is remain calm, try to be neutral and not react on emotion--this is very hard. Flooding her with feelings which overwhelm her right now may force her away, even if it's not what she really wants.

So you are saying how am I supposed do this when I love her so much? Loving her means putting her needs first here (as you mentioned in another post) and allowing her time to sort through what is happening, and allowing yourself an opportunity to evaluate what is happening. Just try to spend time with her this weekend, no pressure, and keep it "light". Let her open up to you, highly charged emotional encounters are so hard, (been there) only to look back at a later date wondering if I approached it well (deep inside knowing I did not).

Pretty yourself up tonight, look your best because I am sure you are looking a bit stressed. Keep eye contact with her and really try to smile. There are potholes in all relationships (where we wonder WTF) hopefully this is just one with yours.

Yes it is really hard to not let the emotions over take evrything & to avoid acting on how i feel.

I will stay calm for the sake of us.

She took my eye liner so i cant pretty myself up lol, will have to use my mums hehe.

Im just wondering how im going to start it all off tonight, I want it to go well & I will promise myself ill keep calm & nice. No matter how angry she might get. I will keep eye contact & smile, although it will be very hard.
We haven't had sex in nearly a month. I hope this weekend we can have make up sex, if we do make up. I will give her time to think about whats going on, although i fear if she thinks too much she will realise she wants out & she will dump me.

I know that there's a lunar eclipse tomorrow night at 9.30pm, I'm going to take her outside so we can watch it together, then ill tell her ill remember this moment forever. I hope it can be romantic.

Thank you for replying.
I will do my damned hardest to keep us going, my absolute best. I cant do anymore thna that.

[Sirene]

I just spoke to her on the phone. I think im a little more hopeful now. She's not being so nasty, but she's still being a bit off. As she has been for a while now.
Im going to try my absolute hardest tonight. I really am.
If i get dumped, ill update on saturday, if we stay together then i'll update on monday.

[demonbuttercup]

Hey Sirene,
Sorry you are having such a rough time!
I agree w/ Sera... give her a wonderful weekend...but don't go so over the top that its obvious you are trying to make up for something that is lacking.

How can i prove that im willing to fight my hardest to save the relationship?
How can i prove that im devoted to her?

Dude, I think you have proved yourself that you are trying to work at it. You are always the one to initiate conversation when it comes to problems w/ kissing...and the porn.... If you didnt care, you would have said F'this and moved on a long time ago.

We all have learned from your previous posts that this chick has insecurities and is needing to know you love her... Maybe this is all a test... trying to give you an "out" to see if you'll dump her first. If you did, then she could say she was right....and if you don't...then hopefully she'll realize you really DO love her and want her.
Good luck!! and keep us up todate.

PS....I don't know about the eyeliner, if you start crying again, it'll be a mess :P

[madeye]

Sirene among all this stress and confusion i want you to find a part of yourself.

a small part of yourself that knows no matter what happens you can chalk it up to life sucks and tomorrow will be a better day.

Life is quite a roller coaster and you have to know that if you lose a lover you can move on and will be ok. You have to tell yourself that and BELIEVE IT!!

seriously i hope everything works out, but most importantly i hope that no matter what happens you strive to be a better happier person each day.

cause no matter what happens in life thats the only guarantee you have, is the opportunity to make tomorrow better than the day before.

[ChiliPepper]

I agree that loving someone means putting their needs and emotions as a priority, but you should never lose yourself.

You should not have to change ANYTHING to find the one person who will love you for you. While people certainly compromise in relationships, that does NOT mean changing your life.

I agree with Madeye - find yourself. You cannot ask someone else to love you, if you dont absolutely love yourself.

You can give yourself entirely to another person, but it doesnt mean you should give UP yourself - this means, you should have nothing to prove.

A good and healthy relationship is one where you both love each other for everything - the good and the bad, hard times and good times. Fights happen, but I would ask yourself what the fights are about, and if they are really ever worth it. (Ive gotten into many petty, useless fights that could have been avoided, or stopped entirely had I swallowed my pride, and admitted I was wrong - or, if THEY had done just that.)

We all know relationships are about give and take - which means - they can only be successful if both parties feel the will and desire to GIVE to the other person, and love them without judging them, or wishing they were something they are not.

Don't change yourself - while you may be happy at first, you will in the end see that its not the answer. You have to love yourself first, and be true to yourself for someone else to completely love you - and any woman should respect you for that.

Good luck - I hope things work out in a way that make you happy for the long term. Whatever that may be - best wishes on this end.

[Sirene]

Its a lot harder than that though. Its not only losing someone you care about, its having to get into a whole different way of living.
I wouldnt see her, therefore I wouldnt be going to chinese restaurants anymore, I wont go to her house, she wont come see me. Its changing everything about how your life was with that girl.
Thanks madeye

Originally Posted by madeye

Sirene among all this stress and confusion i want you to find a part of yourself.

a small part of yourself that knows no matter what happens you can chalk it up to life sucks and tomorrow will be a better day.

Life is quite a roller coaster and you have to know that if you lose a lover you can move on and will be ok. You have to tell yourself that and BELIEVE IT!!

seriously i hope everything works out, but most importantly i hope that no matter what happens you strive to be a better happier person each day.

cause no matter what happens in life thats the only guarantee you have, is the opportunity to make tomorrow better than the day before.