She was lying to me all along

[Sirene]

A few of you know I'm quite insecure, as is my girlfriend.
It turns out all that I was insecure about I needn't be.

It basically all stems from my girlfriend telling me all about past sex experiences with her exes. This happened at the beginning of our relationship.
Everytime I suggested something we try she would tell me she's done it before & then she'd tell me all about it.. She'd tell me things like she's had sex on her period before, but she wouldn't with me. I was insecure about that because I figured I wasn't really worth doing that with. That she couldn't hold out for anyone else but she'd hold out with me.
She used to tell me about her anal condom experience, & made out like she did anal all the time. She does with with me but not half as much as she made out with other people.

All these things she told me are lies.
She told me on the weekend that she made all of these things up because she wanted me to be impressed that she's not a prune or fridgid.
It all makes sense now, some of the stories didnt quite match up the 2nd time she'd talk about it.

She is very fridgid, & I didnt know that until our talk this weekend.
I thought her being fridgid was that she didnt think i was hot, & that she didnt like me anymore. I thought this because of all the things she used to tell me & I was comparing myself thinking "well why didnt she want to do these things with me? What's wrong with me?".

But now I know it was all about her, not me. She said she liked me a lot & she thought i wouldnt like her if i didnt think she was a dirty bitch, she said she could tell i was a dirty bitch the first time we met.
She went on to say that she's never done anal with anyone & sex has always been very boring with anyone else.

She said she has been with 2 goths before & they were as boring as hell & she & she never did much with anyone else. She didn't have much of an expectation for goths to be dirty & it was a bit of a suprise when she met me. It made me feel good & special to know that a lot of things we've done together it's her first time.

She said she gets paranoid that i've done a hell of a lot ofd things before with other girls. I didnt tell her this, she just got the impression because I was so confident in bed. She said I couldn't be further from boring in bed.

I feel happy that the truth has come out & I have NOTHING to be insecure about.
I actually saw a shrink for a few months because her little stories would get to me so badly (I have depression & anxiety anyway, so i assum her little stories would get to me even more because of this).
8mts this went on, but the truth is out now
No more lying.
No more comparing myself & being insecure.

I sometimes slightly wonder though if she was lying about lying just to make me feel better. That's probably me being insecure again though lol.

I'm a happy guy.

Thanks for reading.
x

[sera300]

Sirene:

Don't go wondering if she is lying about lying...I thought it was really "different" she told you about her sex adventures; it kind of demonstrated to me she was telling tall tales to impress you.

See, good communication is so important--it dispells the myths.

[Sirene]

Originally Posted by sera300

Sirene:

Don't go wondering if she is lying about lying...I thought it was really "different" she told you about her sex adventures; it kind of demonstrated to me she was telling tall tales to impress you.

See, good communication is so important--it dispells the myths.

Really? I guess I didn't see it because I was so insecure about it & it was getting in the way.

It just hurt so much when she'd never shut up about them & everything I wanted to do with her, she claimed to have already done.
But it's all good now.

I just couldn't see & still can't see any logic in saying things like hthat to try & impress your guy. It's not going to impress him, especially when he falls in love with you.

[sera300]

Maybe she thought it was just going to be a good time w/you, nothing more and she was looking to impress you? Then those great emotions develop, and you fall for the person, then love hits...suddenly you realize you have a lie, or a tall tale. Either way she fessed up...no harm, no foul. Many people don't like other's to believe they are not as experienced, so she figured she'd go with it...glad you worked it out.

[Old Kid]

Lieing for any reason is never a good thing. My GF did something similar when we first got together. Not about sex but tall tales about extravagant things she supposedly owned that were inhereted from her mom. She told me she did it because I have some friends that are real well off and she was embarrased to admit she is pretty much broke. There were some other things too that I won't get into. She also got caught lieing to her friends. I had some serious talks with her explaning that when you tell stories to friends and those you love, sooner or later the truth will come out. And when it does people you love and care for will feel betrayed and hurt. People who really care for you would far rather have the truth, no matter how bad, and try to deal with it than be told fairy tales. Truth is a must in a relationship for me. She has been much better and her friends have even thanked me for explaining this to her.
Anyway, congradulations on getting this out in the open with your GF. I encourage you to thank her for her honesty and explain that the truth is what you want and nothing she has to say will mater because you love her.

[Sirene]

I told her i would never think she was a freak or anything bad.
I have thanked her many times for coming clean.

She says she feels like a heavy weight has been lifted.
She seems a different person now, I told her I respect her for her honesty & that she has gone up in my books.

[unknown11]

ok if every thing is good then why are you telling us?

[madeye]

Sirene if i were in your shoes i would try to step out from the infactuation of love and evaluate yourself and your goals in life.

I get a sense that this women is not going to en rich your life or make your emotional issues any better.

I cant anwser these questions and im not going to tell you to dump her or keep her. Iam going to tell you that by what you say theres alot on the plate and theres enough red flags that should cause you much concern.

dont be afraid to lose this women if it results in you becoming a healthier and happier person.

discovering all of this may seem like a big positive and maybe you feel like she has "gained points in your book" but man i hate to break it to you these things are not that simple and this revelation that seems good can become even more damaging than the other problems.

Im not trying to rat on you. i have been in similar shoes and have conquered some serious emotionaly/social issues.

Its your life bro, all im suggesting is to always evaluate your own emotional health and make decisions based on that first cause you cant take care of someone else if that person is making it impossible for you to take care of yourself first.

If you have your priorities straight and your decisions and lifestyle result in you becoming a better person each day then your doing the right thing..... thats what matters. If keeping her in your life does that then great that is awesome and im glad you can both keep the love and work these things out..... and if breaking it off and going solo for a chunk of time does that......than do not be scared to do so cause its a diservice to you both to not do so.

good luck mate.

[ChiliPepper]

IMO - for what its worth - honesty in a relationship is golden. Most people wouldnt consider lying in the beginning of a relationship, or telling someone something simply because its what they want to hear.

I would simply have a discussion with her about being open and honest - respect comes from saying it like it is, not saying it like you want it to be.

Hopefully shes gotten over any insecurities, and understands that in many, if not most or all relationships, regardless of what sexual partners you have had in the past, or how experienced either person is - you BOTH have alot of learning to do when you begin a NEW relationship.

Sleeping with one person is completely different than sleeping with someone else - a whole NEW experience, with all new feelings and emotions. The fun is in learning what the other likes, and learning how to make your partner feel wonderful.

She has nothing to be worried about - in our relationship, confidence was an issue and a hurdle to overcome - but in the time we have been together - our sex life just keeps getting better and better as we learn more, and experiment.

Glad you two talked things out - and I hope things improve as a result.

[HardNgood]

Obviously Sirene, your reputation precedes you..LOL...she must have heard that you are a "mucky bi_tch" and she really liked you,so she "enhanced" her sexual prowness so that you wouldn't dump her. She's come clean and you still dig her...so enjoy...I don't think she'll be trouble...she's been a "good" sport so far!