Husband preoccupied with anal...

[Oohlala]

I am really into being submissive in bed and he likes to dominate me. The problem is that he loves anal too much. He always wants anal and tends to show little interest in my breasts and pussy.

I tell him that while anal is ok once in a while, being a female, I derive most of my pleasure from attention and stimulation of my 'female parts.'

Hearing him talk about my arse all the time just doesn't 'do it' for me. We do look at porn on the web, but he ONLY looks at anal porn. When he masturbates..its to anal porn.

I feel like it is always a chore to get him to have 'normal' sex with me..the kind that satisfies ME. I also feel that when we do have sex, that he only does it out of a feeling of duty. If given the choice, he will always choose anal.

To me, his fascination is bordering on a fetish that interferes with a healthy relationship. I imagine that when we have 'normal' sex, he is probably thinking about anal.

I have always dated men that were aggressive in bed and absolutely worshipped my pussy - this was very satisfying and made me feel sexy. Not so in my marriage...

Any advice on how to deal with this?

[EvilEvilKitten]

You are going to have to talk, seriously talk, with him out of bed. Do not hedge, do not be shy, just tell him that his fascination with anal sex is leaving you unhappy, unstimulated, and unfulfilled. See where that leads. If that doesn't work you may have to get less compliant in bed and begin being more demanding.

[Oohlala]

I have talked about it over and over.

I guess the real problems is that deep down, he just loves anal.

Not sure there is anything I can do to change a person's personal preference. I feel like I am just stuck with a man who will always prefer it.

If anyone has any ideas or thoughts...feel free to share.

[ChiliPepper]

I would take over and be the dominant one - personal preference is one thing, but women have needs as well.

Try returning the favor... how is he about anal stimulation? Maybe he will enjoy it, but also realize that his other, um.. areas need stimulation to get the full 'experience'!

[luvmywifesass]

My wife and I love anal sex so much we haven't had vaginal sex in over six months. However, if tomorrow my wife said she really didn't want to have anal sex anymore, I would respect her. That's because what really gets me off is getting her off. I think any decent guy would.

I'm sorry he can't put his desires aside for yours.

[sera300]

I think you have to tell him what you need from him & stick to it. If you enjoy anal then do it at times. I am certain you have preferences too and there has to be a compromise, but you both have to accept the other's preferences. He's not going to change & neither are you so find the middle road...

[foxdan]

Sex is about both of you enjoying it, in the end of the day it is your body and you have the final say, I suggest that you ask him what is it that turns him on about it and then reach some form of agreement that it is anal is out of bounds until you say it is not

[EvilEvilKitten]

Okay here we are again! One partner has tried the open and honest communication only to get...nothing in return. He's neither listening to her, or taking her seriously.

So, your choices are:
1. cut the man off and tell him why and stick to it - like 85% of women
2. divorce him - why not? he's not listening to you so you might as well assume he doesn't give a damn about you
3. reverse roles, tie him down, deploy the vaseline and a cock sized strap-on and take his ass - repeatedly, ignoring all else about him

Yes I know you're going to accuse me of 'playing games' - pfft . This man brought it on himself by, if nothing else, being boring in bed.

[Sirene]

Originally Posted by luvmywifesass

My wife and I love anal sex so much we haven't had vaginal sex in over six months. However, if tomorrow my wife said she really didn't want to have anal sex anymore, I would respect her. That's because what really gets me off is getting her off. I think any decent guy would.

I'm sorry he can't put his desires aside for yours.

lol wow! Me & an ex went through a period of that, but she got a roid & we had to stop lol.

[Sirene]

Number 2 is a bit harsh.
You can't use her situation to justify your opinion of him as not giving a damn about her. It's probably not the case.

It's her husband, she can't just ditch him for something so small (in the big scale of things).
If nothing else works I'd try a marriage shrink. If you really want to still be married that is.