does he still love me?

[mooble22]

Ive been with my fiancee (male) for 2 1/2 years now and he has always been affectionate and told me he loves me frequently enough and the usual hugs and kisses to show he cares but the past few months he hasn't, i thought it might be sexual frustration as ive had problems with that ( different issue ) so tried to get over that and we went back to " regular " sex i mean like everyday not repetitive and boring. I have even given him surpris blow jobs thinking all this might help but it hasn't. Recently we have fallen on hard times and were stuck so we spent a week talking and thinking and decided to move in with his parents who dont particularly like me much i dont really want to but he does and still no change. He doesnt know exactly how much i dont want to he know im upset but id rather do this than risk losing him as his mum in my opinion has tried to split us up before and i dont know what to do. ive discussed with him my feelings and he becomes his old self again for a few hours and then reverts back help!! i love him to bits and dont want to lose him but this hurts more. sorry for the length of this psot : )

[sera300]

To be engaged to someone who does not say "I love you" or show signs of affection, there is a problem. What do you think it will be like when you are married?

So you moved in w/his parents to apease him? Because you were afraid that by speaking up about where you live, will risk your relationship? When you are half contributing to the bills you have half the say about where you live. Neither of you are ready to get married. Go get your own apartment, you (not him) and work out your relationship, if it's meant to be.

[mooble22]

thing is i dont work im a student at the moment trying to get my career on track so he pays all the bills, and also it wasn't just to appease him it's also to do with before we first moved in together his mum was really controlling of him and hiw whole family used to bully him into doing stuff he didnt want and im not sure he would be strong enough to stand up to them. please help as i love him so much im just at a loss as to why he has changed. thanks

[sera300]

The problem is two-fold:

1-His behavior has changed toward you, no matter what the reason is; lack of love or just stress. He is not showing you the care and concern he has in the past. Perhaps it's stress, perhaps he is no longer happy in the relationship and he feels an obligation to you; meaning what was he to do with you? He had no real option but to take you w/him.

2-You need time to think and to evaluate what is happening and that cannot be done, well, living under the same roof w/his family. Unfortunately, you are now in a position of being controlled by his family.

If you cannot move out on your own, what do you plan to do if the relationship fails? There is no magic cure to make him behave the way he did, and living w/the family compounds your problems.

The only way to work out a relationship is when both people decide to see there is a problem and want to change it. You said he changes for a day or two, but he is not seeing a problem and if he is then he is ignoring it. Best suggetion is BOTH of you get out of the home, and work out your relationship. But he has to see that he is acting differently towards you, that is the first part of fixing anything...realizing there is a problem, talking it through, and taking steps together to repairing it.

Maybe you need to take a job at night to support yourself and continue on with school? What would you do if he left you? Start thinking what you can do to help yourself, and talk to him to see what he is willing to do for a solution. Either way you have to tell him what is happening, meaning you are not happy and why. Hoping to hang on to him, is the bad way to go about it since it never works. Just being quiet and rolling with this will leave you in a miserable marriage.

[mooble22]

I have spoken to him and told him i am unhappy and it basically becomes i talk and say theres a problem and he mostley stares and says nothing. O dont want to lose him but if things dont improve i may just walk and it hurts a lot as i love him so much, before this we lived with my parents who said should all go wrong i can always go back. I just want him to show he cares and finds me attractive etc now and again am i asking too much.

[sera300]

No you are not asking too much, not at all. But, you have to take control of your life for right this moment and plan what you will do. If he is going to ignore there is a problem, you cannot change that. It now becomes his problem. Loving him is one thing, and it's very understandable (we all have been there) and it hurts but you are in control of you. Sometimes a bit of time apart allows you to see clearly, and to be focused. You have to come up with your own game plan and honestly I would go ahead (just you) and move in with your mom & dad for now before all is in shambles. Now what your fiance decides to do is up to him, if the relationship is important he will work it out, sometimes done best not residing together. It's not "if you will loose him", the question is; is he already gone? The answer maybe yes or it maybe no. But you need time to get some clarity, you have no control over your life right now, this will compound your unhappiness. If he cannot give you the basic emotional support which one expects from the one they love, is that someone to marry? You know the answer, you just want him to go back to the way he was, his feelings may have changed. His lack of a discussion is his answer...

[EvilEvilKitten]

Return to your parent's house, alone. Wait for him for 6 months maximum. If he returns to his previous behavior, fine. If he does not - move on.

The point is he should be afraid of losing you!

Stop being a doormat. If he was good enough, and man enough for you then he'd ignore his family and "seal the deal" with you.

[Sirene]

I've lived with an exes family before & it was hell.
I really was being controlled by her family.
I ended up calling my dad to come pick me up 100 miles away from where he lived to come ger me & all my stuff. I then moved back home.

Not only was i in hell living with my then girlfriends family but I was 100 miles away from home in a city far north from here.

I would never move in with a family again.

[Oohlala]

If you are having problems now, there is a very good chance that things will get worse after marriage.

Do yourself a favor and realise that you cannot change a person. Ask yourself if you will be comfortable being married to a man like this. People tend to get 'comfortable' and complacent when married which leads to these problems becoming worse, which leads to misery and divorce down the road.

The best indicator of future behaviour is the past, and marriage can often amplify these problems when there are communication problems.

Also remember, you are not just marrying him, his family is part of the deal.

Personally, I think you deserve better...