why am I such an idiot?

[xmbedir]

alright, so I'l say now that I'm an idiot and i don't need anyone else to tell me this... been with my girl for almost 3 years now .. its been a bit rocky lately, I havnt been to happy with sex... she doesnt seem to have the desire for it.. we've talked about and she claims everything is fine. but thats not the deal, I cheated on her about a year ago with one of our friends.. we were drunk.. and we kissed.. like a peck.. if thats cheating, but watever i told her almost immediatley after, she was pretty upset with that and what not.. sooo fast forward to now.. 3 weeks ago went out to the bar with my best friend, we got loaded had a good time.. was grinding wiht this girl and she started kissing me, but instead of using my head and stopping.. kept on going .. thats how far that went.. i sorta told her about that.. i told her she kissed me and my friend came by and started dancin with and kinda saved me.. i lied.. just scared to tell her.. but thats not all .. the next day.. the next freaking day.. different bar. different girl.. same **** .. havnt told her about that either.. alrite so next week.. same bar.. different girl.. same ****... and than last nite different bar, same girl! from last week.. what the F***K is wrong with me .. every night i've gone out since that first happening, i've said to myself.. dancing with girls.. all good.. don't do nothing wrong .. and its seems to happen anyways.. i'm an idiot i know.. heres the biggere problem, I don't wanna tell my girl... i know she'l leave and i know how bad i don't want that to happen, just thinking about all this just devastates my day.. and what makes it even better is ive been through about 3 or 4 relationships were i've been cheated on .. i wanna hold this is ... but it just consumes my whole mind. i love her dearly(wouldnt think so with what ive done) .. my girl trusts me alot( guess she shouldnt) and is fine with my goin out and dancing with girls. shes goes out with her friends and they usually just dance as a group, and laugh at all the guys that try and come and grind up on them.. and if she does dance wiht a guy i dont care.. its all good..
but anyways, this is long enough has it is, and i know what ive done is wrong i know im an idiot, so .... do i hold it in? or tell her and hope for the best??

[HardNgood]

quit taking up your current girlfriends time,looks like you have some wild seeds to sow,best get out there and shag as many as you can,have your fun and then find one to settle down with IF you are into settling down.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Your choices are:

1. discuss it with her a. from the stand point "I'm an idiot" or b. if being exclusive is really for you at this time or c. discuss your mis-matched sex drives.
or
2. keep your mouth shut and deal with the issue on your own.

I am not in favor of just spilling your guts out because that just seems to switch the burden from you to her. But if you get flak for just dancing and kissing - there may be more issues within this relationship than you've let on.

[xmbedir]

" But if you get flak for just dancing and kissing "

umm... maybe im really clueless, but im afraid i have no idea what that means :S

[SexySass69]

Here's my perspective, I'm not saying I'm right or wrong, it's just the way I am interpreting what you've told us.

You want the security of a relationship and the insurance that at the end of the day someone loves you and will be there.

BUT, you also want to be a free agent and enjoy the single lifestyle. I think you have to make a choice.

As much as EvilEvilKitten looks down on monogamy and being totally open with your partner, few other women have that perspective. You're right, most women would leave you because your actions are not the kind of behaviors that a woman would want in the man in her life.

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." Fool her every week and that's a sign of a serious problem.

For me, I would be quite offended if my boyfriend kissed other women for the simple reason that kissing is one of the few things that seperates human intimacy from being like animals.

I think that you should tell her and stop being such a sneaky coward. If you really love her, you'll recognize that you're not really good for her if you're going to put her through all the cheating. (I define cheating as an action that involved an intimate act with someone outside the relationship. Thereby, kissing is a lesser form of cheating to me.)

Please just consider this while deciding what to do.

[Brandye]

First, determine whether or not you are ready to settle down with girl. I believe the vow reads something like "From this day forward ....... forsking all others ....... 'til death do us part."

Ok I have never been married and certainly have not been monogamous (not even always with the same gender) but if that what is hanging you up, you need to deal with it. And once dealt with, stick to the agreement.

[xmbedir]

i really actually want a relationship, not that interested in the single life.. but i like gion out with my friends, not wiht the intentions to do any of this, but couple hours later and totally **** face( still not an excuse) **** happens.. **** that shouldnt happen .. i duno.. **** sucks

[Edithe]

maybe hang out with your friends but don't go to bars?Looks like you have some issues about knowing when to STOP. Moderation?

[EvilEvilKitten]

Stop blaming the drink! If you have an alcohol problem - just stop drinking. Do something OTHER than going to bars with your buddies even if the only thing otherwise available is shooting rats at the town dump. Seek pro help.

I do not look down on monogamy,if that is your choice, but shifting the burden onto an innocent gf/bf/or spouse just to assuade your own guilt is the act of a coward. You should bear your own burdens. And since you kiss, aunts, kids, your Mom, and perhaps your pet dog - kissing is a much lesser 'cheat' not worthy of notice.

Only you can decide what kind of life you want to live.
So get on with it.

[xmbedir]

so basically your saying ... don't tell her.. just suck it up, and do what it takes to never do it again.. am i correct?