Sex before marrige

[Lovelyand18]

I know that is what people tell you to do but is it really help any? I have had sex with my boyfriend and I can't get enough. I am horny than he is I think. Though I look back and feel guilty. They tell you it will hurt our relationship. But isn't right if you both experiment and keep thing spiced and different you will be fine?

[Quint Notwen]

Originally Posted by Lovelyand18

I know that is what people tell you to do but is it really help any? I have had sex with my boyfriend and I can't get enough. I am horny than he is I think. Though I look back and feel guilty. They tell you it will hurt our relationship. But isn't right if you both experiment and keep thing spiced and different you will be fine?

If you feel guilty afterward, maybe you should slow down, a little and work on the nonsexual portions of your relationships. Otherwise you may end up always second guessing yourself, and that will damage your relationship. So maybe slow down a bit and find a more comfortable compromise.

[EvilEvilKitten]

It is far more important to find out why you feel guilty for taking your man on a 'test ride'. Do you think sex is base and dirty or do you think sex is shared joy that bonds two people together? Do you think physical pleasure is somehow wrong? Do you think ignorance has a value?

Sex begins in your mind so get your mind clear before going any further.

[Lovelyand18]

Well in the beginning of I relationship I told him I didn't want to have sex until I was married. He agreed and we left it at that. On prom night (six months after we had been dating)we started making out and touched each other little bit. That lead to some oral sex later on. One day when we were siting in his living room I told him I wanted to have sex. He said he wanted to and asked me why I all of a sudden changed my mind. I said that he is the only person who has ever turned me on and I couldn't take it. You definitely hit the nail on the head when you said I need to know why I feel this guilt. Here may be some reasons that I know could have effect but don't see completely why. I met a guy when I was sixteen that used me like a drink and let everyone take a sip. I couldn't get away from him because I was afraid of what he would do if I said no. I got pregnant 2 months afterwards. I felt completely used and gross. Maybe I do view it as a dirty act and can't completely relate it to love since that incident. I don't know how to cure it though.

[EvilEvilKitten]

You have to seek professional guidance as to that but remember - that was not your fault but his - that long ago beast masquerading as a man. The blame and guilt lies with him.

Your mistake, as I see it, is not standing up for yourself and not believing in youself. You are beginning to get there, true. But recovery will require professional medical assistance so your emotional growth doesn't stop at the time of trauma, in your case - age 16.

Please see someone.

[Lovelyand18]

I do have therapist I see some times but I don't know if I feel comfortable talking to him about that. Maybe I'll just have to self heal and really think about it for a while. Then if not talk to some body about it. Thank You

[Beans518]

Originally Posted by Lovelyand18

I do have therapist I see some times but I don't know if I feel comfortable talking to him about that. Maybe I'll just have to self heal and really think about it for a while. Then if not talk to some body about it. Thank You

Change your therepist to a woman if it will help. Do not stop seeing some one. Coming from someone who was sexually abused when I was younger, You need help to get through this. It affects you more than you realize.Me I acted out sexually. I've had sex alot.ALOT..... But at the same time I too felt bad about it afterwards.If it bothers you that much maybe you need to stop until you get your feelings togather. If your bf respects you he'll understand at the same time if he doesn't you don't need him anyway. Being abused as you WERE, like me you might feel as if it's expected. That if you're in a relationship you're expected to have sex. That's not true. Although that's apart of a relationship you should wait until you're truly ready.

[Lovelyand18]

Originally Posted by Beans518

Change your therepist to a woman if it will help. Do not stop seeing some one. Coming from someone who was sexually abused when I was younger, You need help to get through this. It affects you more than you realize.Me I acted out sexually. I've had sex alot.ALOT..... But at the same time I too felt bad about it afterwards.If it bothers you that much maybe you need to stop until you get your feelings togather. If your bf respects you he'll understand at the same time if he doesn't you don't need him anyway. Being abused as you WERE, like me you might feel as if it's expected. That if you're in a relationship you're expected to have sex. That's not true. Although that's apart of a relationship you should wait until you're truly ready.

I never really addressed this small feeling I had because I know my boyfriend using me. But I want to let go of this feeling. I remember going to sleep at night scared that that guy and his friends would throw rocks at my window. If I didn't answer he would keep throwing and might wake my sister. It was just this huge overwhelming sense of being treated as a object. Yet he would talk to me like I was his lover, he was so suave. Once the baby came around that boy was gone. It makes me want to punch his ass out for what he caused. And he goes on with his day not even caring. I don't speak to him or know how to, he lives in the Hawaii where I use to live. You have brought back feelings, all these emotions I tried to forget.
My boyfriend and I's sex is defiantly different then with those other guys. Though I have a small guilt maybe it's that inner feeling of being used comes back instead of guilt. I mean I know I am suppose to find a way not to feel this way but it's hard. I'll think about switching.

[Beans518]

I didn't mean to cause you any pain or to make you upset. What I was trying to do was to get you to see that if you don't get help you'll keep feeling the same way. If you truly forgot then you wouldn't have came here seeking advice on the matter.Keeping in mind that I am in no way a professional just someone offering advice because I've been through the same situation.( but I'm off point) What I'm saying is you'll never forget and you shoudn't try.( repression comes back on you at the least unexpected times) But it can be made easier and you can cope! GET HELP!

[HardNgood]

Originally Posted by Lovelyand18

You have brought back feelings, all these emotions I tried to forget.
.

What an IMMATURE post! you trying to DUMP your feelings on other people? No one can control your feelings other than YOU. Beans was trying to give you some insight. grow up!