Not into having sex these days...

[sofalofola]

Hi, I am new here and looking for help.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and living together for 1 year. While we love each other very much, our sex life has never been that great. At this point we have sex about once a month.

At first, I thought he just had a low sex drive, but he recently told me that he doesn't initiate sex because I don't know what makes him feel good. He didn't say it in a reproachful way, but like in a sad way, that after this long, I still don't know what turns him on. I have tried several things, blowjobs (which I do almost everytime we have sex), hand jobs, even recently tried for the first time anal stimulation.

The thing is that it is hard for me to tell what he likes because he doesn't tell me (and I don't ask), or while we are having sex he doesn't really respond with noises...etc or maybe he does and I just don't see/hear/feel it???

Any advice???

[EvilEvilKitten]

So it is YOUR responsibility to make the sex great?? What is he? Chopped liver?
So why the hell hasn't HE shown YOU what turns him on? Why hasn't HE told YOU what turns him on? And the haven't YOU asked HIM?

You two have got to TALK about sex, put on demonstrations, play with sex.
JUST DO IT.

Now if it were me, I'd drop him. But you could also go to bed and take notes, ask him every time you do something "is that good?" DRIVE HIM CRAZY WITH THIS. If he doesn't respond, you can then begin making it hurt. A little nip there, a hickey over here, a few scratches there; all the while asking if he likes it and making notes. Treat him like an object - after all he's treating you like some brain dead sexworker.

Well, he made this your responsibility didn't he? He should be more careful what he wishes for.

[sofalofola]

Thank you! That is the best advice I've gotten and you've actually managed to make me laugh about this!

When I've talked to my friends, they always tell me, sit down, talk to him... Yes, I know we need to talk, but your idea of asking him during do you like this or that until he actually responds is great.

[coveresid]

Sounds like you two may not be all that compatable sexually. Without any additional effort, it won't get any better and maybe will never be very hot and heavy. But it is at least a time to try, you may learn some new tricks. I like what EEK says about talking about sex and demonstrations. Maybe you could do a demonstration for him and show him what some good finger play can do and get him to show you how he masterbates. Then agree to do some oral on each other sometime with the rule that the person recieving needs to do some constant talking to instruct the other person exactly what to do, when to move, when to stay longer and continue to praise the person when they hit a good spot.

Without some work on trying to improve the sexual part, it would be time to move on and find someone more compatable with your desires. Yes you have put two years into this relationship, but what happens if you put two more in and nothing improves drastically. Is it worth it? If you decide to stay after this, then you need to accept the fact the sex will be what seems to me is pity sex (we are together so we need to have sex once a month because we are suppose to).

[Beans518]

I'll take EvilEvilKitten's place and say leave. Just leave. Trust me. You'll drive yourself crazy. It ain't worth it! You can't try to please someone that's not happy with hisself. LEAVE!!!!!!!!

[EvilEvilKitten]

LOL
Thank you all for your kind words.

I am not against relationships that work. But when one party welches on the deal - the relationship is dying and it is best to just kill it and leave.