The past

[Coren]

This is my first post and I need some solid advice. I've been with my boyfriend for two years, and before that we were friends for something like 3 years. I really really liked him for those three years, but kept it to myself. While we were in the friend zone he was dating this girl, Tanya, and he was very happy. And while I was sad it wasn't with me, I was glad he was happy. However, during this time it did break my heart to hear him go on and on and on about how wonderful she was and how great at sex she was and how the kept going for hours on end. Y'know everything to make me feel bad. Then Tanya goes back to college and cheats on him with all these different guys, and breaks his heart.

Well we ended up dating and his past came out. How he "fooled around with" a married woman (mutual friend of ours) and how he screwed his ex-girlfriend because he didn't want to be alone. And me being younger, I feel inadequate and I feel upset. I can't stop thinking about what he did with those women.

And all those things he said about Tanya makes me feel like I can never please him. I can't do what she did, for various reasons. I feel also that he's a bit dirty for doing what he did with those other girls.
He says he doesn't care, and that the sex is way better with me than with them and he wants to be with me, he says he's even going to propose. He wants to be with me and only me, is what he says.
Am I just being too immature about this, and should I leave the past in the past? Am I just suffering from low self-esteem? What can I do to get over this?

[EvilEvilKitten]

"Am I just being too immature about this, and should I leave the past in the past? Am I just suffering from low self-esteem? What can I do to get over this?"

Yes, you are being immature. Yes, leave the past in the past if there are no consequences such as STDs or children. Yes, you are suffering from low self-esteem hence your need for reassurance that sex with you is 'way better' than with those others and your competition with his 'ghosts' - those who came before you.

What you can do to 'get over' this is: realise that there really is no one exactly like you in the entire universe - you are truly unique - the one the only Coren. Therefore - you are special and have no rivals.

Next, realise that each and every relationship differs. His relationship with you is entirely different than his relationship with Tanya, the married woman, and whomever else he's ever been with.

Finally, you have to rethink your view regarding sex as something 'dirty' and 'debasing' as this will gradually erode your repect for him and will poison both this and any other relationship you might ever have. How can you marry someone you think is 'dirty'?

[otter373]

delete post

[EvilEvilKitten]

Otter - if she is with you then presumably she finds you delightful and she wants to be with you. Can you not take joy in knowing that?