Sexually Frustated..........

[RED46]

Hi

I am new to this site. I have read many of the postings but none of them have information regarding my problem. I have been with my husband ( who is a wonderful and very handsome man) for 10 years, the problem is that he has not been interested in having sex of any sort for the past 4 years. We have no children and I have had a Hystorectomy, (which means no monthlys either) which should make have sex a blast. (NO distractions). I have tried to talk to him about it. He says that he just doesn't feel like it. I really don't want to divorce him because he is a great guy in every other way. I have ran into an old friend (Male), and we just got to talking, he would like to get together for SEX only, I am seriously thinking of it. I am so sexually fustrated . Masterbation on any level only goes so far. I miss the touching , feeling, kissing and everything that goes with having SEX. What would do you guys/gals think? Any input would be great. TKS

[emmaxxoo]

Ooooh, this is a hard one.
I suppose morally you should try and sort it out with your husband, suggest councilling, put all the effort you can into getting it sorted and you may find that the relationship will naturally end. At least you can say you put in the effort.
In the long run you could get really hurt.
It depends if you can live with yourself, put yourself in hubbys shoes, how would you feel?

[tk05]

i would try to find out what the problem is. Is there a loss of attraction? Or is it simply a decrease in his sex drive? There are a couple of solutions that came to mind when reading your situation. I'm not sure if you are comfortable with it, but possibly trying to have a three some. It definately worked on me...

[EvilEvilKitten]

Since divorce is not, yet, an option, your choices are:

1. live with it as is
2. seek medical help from a professional in this area
3. take a lover on the side

Now then, since your husband does not take an interest in this issue and does not seem concerned about your feelings in this matter, I would not consider his feelings either. Since he has figuratively speaking, turned his back to you and "abandoned the marital bed", you are justified in turning your back to him.

This requires proper management. You can either discuss this 'outside interest' and set ground rules with or without your husband's knowledge. That is up to you. But you do have to make firm informed decisions about how YOU are going to arrange matters to the benefit of all parties.

Look up polyamory on the Internet and read "The Ethical Slut" and "The Polyamorist". Then decide.

[Sirene]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

Now then, since your husband does not take an interest in this issue and does not seem concerned about your feelings in this matter, I would not consider his feelings either. Since he has figuratively speaking, turned his back to you and "abandoned the marital bed", you are justified in turning your back to him.

An eye for an eye leaves everyone blind.

[EvilEvilKitten]

But since no one's actually losing any body parts - your statement is not appropriate.

You do not get great sex without putting some effort into it. Since he's not willing or concerned - okay - no sex for him then and she's justified to looking elsewhere. He got what he wanted now it is her turn.

[Zan]

i say, you need to really get your husband to listen to you, tell him how you feel, if he doesnt hear it, make him hear it and tell him that you have had other options... from what it sounds like he might not even mind... be truthful... its getting to you. PPL can only take so much, sad but true, but atleast try work on it first... really make him listen and hear what you have to say, if he doesnt hear, divorce.... he would of missed his chance to make amends- which would be his fault for not hearing.

[Sirene]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

But since no one's actually losing any body parts - your statement is not appropriate.

Oh my god, obviously its not meant in a literal sense!!

[EvilEvilKitten]

No, really? Duh!

So he screws up and gets a free pass? I don't think so! There are always consequences.

That is the point - if he isn't receiving the consequences of his actions - he will most likely continue making the same mistakes.

So yes, you get what you give.