Sexually Frustated

[RED46]

Hi

I am new to this site. I have read many of the postings but none of them have information regarding my problem. I have been with my husband ( who is a wonderful and very handsome man) for 10 years, the problem is that he has not been interested in having sex of any sort for the past 4 years. We have no children and I have had a Hystorectomy, (which means no monthlys either) which should make have sex a blast. (NO distractions). I have tried to talk to him about it. He says that he just doesn't feel like it. I really don't want to divorce him because he is a great guy in every other way. I have ran into an old friend (Male), and we just got to talking, he would like to get together for SEX only, I am seriously thinking of it. I am so sexually fustrated . Masterbation on any level only goes so far. I miss the touching , feeling, kissing and everything that goes with having SEX. What would do you guys/gals think? Any input would be great. TKS

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Last edited by RED46 : 01-11-2007 at 05:58 AM. Reason: I think I posted on the wrong site

[dancingdoc2]

This question has been of concern to others as well. The answer seems to be to get him to a doctor so the lab can do some hormone tests on him. I would recommend you do this, first, before stepping outside the marriage. Ya just gotta know that this is going to bring down more trouble than you might be bargaining for long term.

[RED46]

Thanks dancingdoc2 for the reply.

I asked him if he thought it could be medical, he says no. I asked him if he has any pain, again no. Maybe it is just me who does not turn him on anymore. It does not make sense to me how a man can not be interested in SEX. It is so frustrating, have 3 acres of property totally secluded from the neighbors, we could do it anywhere, but again NO. He is not a big drinker,but does occasionally go on a bit of a binge, could alcool be the cause?

[sera300]

Red...he may not have any pain or feel it is physical...but when the libido is so low MANY times it's related to a hormonal issue such as a lack of testosterone. Follow docs advise and encourage him to get to a doctor to have his levels checked.

[RED46]

Sera300, I hear what you are saying regarding him getting help, but in the mean time while he is waiting to see a doctor I am going to explode for the lack of attention and sex. Just reading some of the posting on this site is a BIG turn on. Maybe I just shouldn't read them. NOT!!! I shouldn' say that I get no attention, I do get a pat on the head once in a while, but so does the dog.

The funny thing we do not fight or argue. We do sleep in separate beds though. He says that I snore too loud and keep him awake. We live like really good room mates. He probably wouldn't even notice if I stepped out once in a while .

[sera300]

Have you spoke to him about his overall lack of interest? If he has no libido, does he understand that you may need more attention then the dog? Does he show you any affection? Just because he has lost interest in sex, does not mean he should stop acting like a human being! Are the emotional lights on upstairs in his head?

[RED46]

I have spoken to himk on several occasions. The answer to " Does he show you any affection" is no. We still have some good laughs, and good conversation other than sex. Anybody who knows us thinks that we are such a great couple. and how lucky I am to have to a great husband. I really am not looking to hurt him at all, but I really don't think he would notice. That is why I think maybe a fling on the side would do the trick.

[sera300]

Have you spoke to him about wanting more then a room mate/friendship with him? Have you ever discussed w/him an open relationship, b/c you want more sexually? I think this is something you both need to discuss...EEK prob. can give you some good info...she has a good handle on keeping a good balance at home and at play...

[RED46]

I have mentioned wanting more than a room mate and he says he is sorry. I asked him if it would bother him if a had an affair and he said it would hurt him. I am a good person, a loving person, and I would not want to hurt him.

He is not as outgoing as I am. He is a homebody. We were first got together he would say that he would get a hard on just by me taking off a sock, and now I could probably stand stark naked in front of him and nothing.

What do you mean by EEK prob..... ? Is EEK a person?

[sera300]

Meaning...Some of the questions you have re: relationships outside of the marriage Evilevilkitten has some pretty good thoughts on...read a few of her postings.