Seeking advice for troubled marriage

[NeedHelp]

Hello Everyone, I hope you can help me out?! Warning: long detailed post with a few issues.

I have been married for 3 years and been with my wife for a total of 5 years. Our sexual relationship was prosperous at first (pre-marriage) but since has really become a very stressful issue for us. She never wants it, but i do. In all we currently have sex 3 times a month, with me initiating it, very very frustrating. When we do have sex, I believe she just does it to get the monkey off of her back.

I asked to see a counselor together for the issue however she declined saying she wanted to see a therapist for her own needs. "I don't know whats wrong with me," she says. hmmm... I figured fine, but she has not made any effort and I don't feel that I should keep hasseling her about it. If she wants our marriage to work, then she would do whatever it takes to improve it. She does have time constraints and we have a little baby, but I'm seeing no urgency which really aggravates me.

When I brought the sex issue up with her she said to me, "I don't like having sex with you, and never have." "It's not you at all, it's me." Needless to say my ego has seen better times. I'm very attractive and don't know what the issue might be.

So since then I've been keeping a close eye on the situation. She has said that she is attracted to a co-worker, one whom she shares close quarters with. She calls him or texts him when I'm away on business or just out. So this is troubling but I refuse to think she would cheat on me...

She does not get wet when we are intimate and can not orgasm from intercourse. Is this normal?

What are all of your thoughts?

[Jackson]

Not to make light of your situation, but, WHAT THE HELL ARE DOING WITH MY WIFE?
Sorry, no answers here but I'll be waiting to read some.

[NeedHelp]

Sucks for us

[Brandye]

If she is not becoming stimulated, she will not become naturally lubricated. Her head is elsewhere.

[Westles]

Sounds like her head is thinking about this other co-worker maybe pal?

have you talked to her about the texts and phone calls? i know i would not be happy if my partner was communicating regularay with someone else she feels for.

[ExtraChrisB]

Don't just ignore this. She seems to be aloof and not caring for what you consider both of your needs?

So far I'd say she hasn't cheated on you... but I could be wrong. I would sit down and have a thorough discussion with her. No distractions, no nothing. Remind her how much her marriage means to both of you and that she has a child.

I would bring up the idea of marriage councilling (sp?) again and actually talk about it. There's no reason why she should disrespect what you see in your eyes as an issue.

[EvilEvilKitten]

I'm going with Chris on this issue but even more so - either she steps up or you step off. Sorry, to be so harsh but you have got to kill this now or 30 years down the road you'll be still dealing with the same issue. Go ahead and be demanding. Stop holding her hand, kissing her, etc and so forth. She gets from you only what she gives to you until she gets herself into counseling and fixes whatever is the problem. Ignore the other guy - he doesn't matter - you are the husband.

[NeedHelp]

I think that everyone here is right on. I was skeptical about the feedback I would get, but am pleasantly surprised.

No, I don't think she has/is having an affair, but a line does need to be drawn. Part of all of this is a timing issue. A timing issue in which a lot of circumstances at the same time via coincidence have rendered several questions. So most of it is just a coincidence.

The problem I am having now is that she will not see a couples therapist, says "it's her issues." Yet she will not see a therapist herself. So frustrating.

[RF4569]

........................

[EvilEvilKitten]

Ok so she won't see a counselor either with or without you - she's decided to NOT step up then. Fine. Now it is time for you to step-off. Sorry, hun but if she's not going to work with you on this then what kind of marriage is it really?