Having an affair

[ua322]

Originally Posted by alisha

We have talked about it. My husband knows that he has a problem and I know that he really tries, he almost tries so much that he ends up not enjoying it as much as he should, he lasts for about 3 to 5 minutes and its over. I know that it's not fair on him, he would be devestated if he found out about my ongoing affair.
My other man just seems to know what to do, he is 48 but his stamna is just unbeatable. Its just great when I am with him, once I have had a 3 /4 hour session with him I am done for a good few day's.
I don't want to leave hubby over sex because he is a great man so much in touch with his own feelings as well as others you don,t get many like that. What do I do?

Wow, that is pretty brutal. Has your husband seen a doctor? I mean, do you think he has a medical issue?

If he is actually trying hard to please you and is being a good husband, I can only imagine how devastating it would be if he knew you were completely unimpressed and were cheating on him.

Depending on what he is like, that could make a guy suicidal.

[alisha]

I know which is why it is so important that he does't find out!
I have suggested that he sees a docter and he has agreed, but what could medicaly be wrong with him?
He has also said to me in the past that may be it's me , I have a higher sex drive than the average woman and take longer to please than others!
I am a working mum with 3 children, some times it can be really difficult to juggle every thing, if we could make love and satisfy each others needs 2 or 3 times a week then that would be fine for me , is that too much to ask for?
The other question I have is please people tell me what do you think the average time for a guy to last is?

[ExtraChrisB]

Not to offend anyone, but I don't think I've read anyone saying that if you're married than you definitely should not be having an affair. Prolonging telling your husband about it (assuming that you do indeed feel guilty about this) will only make it worse.

If you're happier with this other guy, fine, but there had to be a reason you married your husband, and if the sex is like this, I can only imagine what a great guy he must be. Remember that, and keep that in mind everytime you're in bed with this other guy, who obviously doesn't care that he's breaking up a marriage.

And yes, I'm trying to make you feel guilty. I obviously don't know the specifics of your relationship with your husband, but it seems as if he's done nothing wrong to you besides coming in a few minutes. If you love your husband, don't cheat on him! Instead TALK about your feelings and about how you're not being satisfied. Don't find another guy to replace him! That's just wrong of you to do just on the terms of sex.

[LittleFury]

You don't take a coward's way out and intentionally hurt the man you claim to love...

[ExtraChrisB]

Exactly. I agree with LittleFury. If you truly loved this man you call your husband, you would have talked things out.

[browneyedgirl]

I have to agree with Little Fury and ExtraChris. You know that "for better or worse" vow? This issue fits under that heading. To me, if you are going to get married, then do it right. If you want to have an open relationship or swing, fine. But let it be honest communication between partners. If you cheat as a one time thing, I still think you need to be honest, but it is forgiveable. I think a long term affair could be forgiveable depending on the situation, but it is NOT excusable. You should either a. fix the problem b. leave the relationship. Don't do this thing behind his back, if you care about him or your kids. That's a good reason for him to get custody when he finds out and divorces you.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Lots of things could be wrong - too sensitive, perhaps? - so you could check it out. It is NOT a good thing for a woman to take a long time to orgasm. By the time you've had your one, you could have had 20 or more. Perhaps you should work on increasing your sensitivity while you both work on decreasing his.

Well, now you have heard both sides of the argument.
What are you going to do?

BTW if she's not leaving her husband for this other guy - the other guy isn't 'breaking up the marriage'. Only she and her husband can do that.

[Nellibopper1]

UA,
U are right you only live once! If you really think ur husband will exept this and be ok--there is no marrige. I would think you as a person would leave him and let him live once and also u. I always have told mt husband--I will never cheat. If I think I need too. because you are not there for me the ways I need you then I will leave so you can find a woman that you will work with.

[alisha]

Originally Posted by LittleFury

You don't take a coward's way out and intentionally hurt the man you claim to love...

your were right! I had no right to hurt him, I needed to confront the problem so I did. I told him about the other person in my life and the sort of relationship we had and why. He went through a whirl wind of emotions from being angry to crying , he was so upset that he was physically sick. he was so frustrated at knowing that I had been unfaithful to him. The one question he kept asking was, where was the gap in my love? He is not talking to me and every time I try speaking to him his eyes fill up with tears.
I do feel better know that I have told him, it feels as if a weight has been lifted of my shoulders, but It hurts to see him in so much pain, pain that I have caused, some body please help me!

[EvilEvilKitten]

Well, now you two have to deal with this together openingly or divorce.

What you should have done was to 'confront the problem' by keeping quiet, confronting yourself, and changing your behavior. If you can't take the guilt of an affair, then stop doing it.