Icould really use some input

[servemywifehappily]

Base problem is this...Wife does not want to have sex anymore (we do it about once evrey OTHER month). Says she is too tired, which I believe but i think there is more...So here is some background..

WE have been married 14 years and never had a hugly active sex life. In the best of times it was about once a week.

After 2 kids, and (perhaps our midlife crisis') we started working out, wife dropped 40 lbs, bought a new wardrobe, works out daily and looks HOT!!!!

I work out as often as I can, and while I am not really buff, i do look the best I ever have, got a new updated haristyle, new clothes, and a renewed focus in my overall appearance. Most say I am an an atractive man.

No I have always been the more submissive personality int he relationship. She is very outgoing and I am quieter. And I do have submissive fantacies. WE have never actually discussed them, but I think she must know since...

I sit at her feet nightly and rub her feet. I literally kiss the small of her back goodnight each night. I sometimes give her oral sex, without expecting anythign in return (even sometimees refusing, fi I think she is reciprocating out of a sense of obligation 'No honey, I wanted this to be jsut about you")
and during sex, I wil sometimes ask her to PUSH my head down to give her oral and to tell me to lick her, not ask me. at any rate, she seems what I woudl call a passive Domme. She enjoys this pampering, kind of expects it, but never DEMANDs it.

I do all these things not only cause it turns ME on, but because I know I do not please her sexually. I ahve a small penis. (4.5 long, and 4 inch girth). Not TINY, but certainly small. And when I enter her, she appears almost bored, and I cum way too quickly. (usually i have given her a couple of oral orgasms first, so I take care of her first in that way at least). And in the VERY rare occasions taht she gives me oral, I last even LESS long.

So all this has led to me having fantacies about seeing her with other , better lovers. I don't know that I would ever beable to live it out, but it does turn me on. the thought of seeing her really pleased. My fantacies of being with her myself are often about her "sitting on my face" not really about intercourse. I tell her how much I liek it when she flirts and teases other men, and how hot it makes me to see them checking her out, and she smiles and kind fo ignores that. when i have said things like "honey, i try to please you as best I can with what I have" she says things like "OH honey, you do ok"...OK? OK?? talk about damning wiht faint praise! OUCH

So we come back to my goal, I would like to ahve more sex with my wife. Particularly where she takes a more domminant position. BUT i think what she wants is a more dominant man, (witha bigger penis, and more stamina). We seem at cross purposes. Any suggestions? Thoughts? Am I jsut too much of a wimpy freak to even address?

when all is said and done I love her, and am contantly hot for her, and if that is all it ever becomes, I can live with that, but i really want to please her.

anyway, I jsut thought I woiuld vent here, and see if anyone has thoughts.

[Luvs2plzU]

With all due respect...time for the two of you to get reacquainted and re-connected emotionally and then physically...try some couples counselling and see what it is that is causing the inhibitions...in the mean time..you could read around this sight...but I'd suggest a little marital "tune-up" ...

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/

[EvilEvilKitten]

She's bored out of her mind. you have let her get away with far too much here, guy!
Stop with the feet and sub stuff, go for G-Spot stimulation and see if a more assertive attitude works for you. If not then, go to counseling. If it does then incorporate this new technique into your routine. Be a switch and not just a sub.

[browneyedgirl]

OK. First off, TALK TO HER!!! This is so important in any relationship. You need to talk with each other openly about your fantasies, desires, and what you both want out of bed. Until you do this, you are just guessing at what you each want and you will have a much harder time being able to please each other.

If you think that she wants a more dominant man, do you think you could try to be dominant sometimes? Don't just sit around and wait for her to initiate sex or give her oral all the time without anything in return - unless you want to. Surprise her sometime. Push her onto the bed, start kissing her passionately, rip off her clothes, etc. You don't need a huge penis to be able to satisfy her. There are more important things to being a good lover, so don't let this inadequacy complex stop you from pursuing an active sex life. Try new positions, add some sex toys into the act, etc. Get a dildo and use it to hit her G-spot while she goes down on you, etc. If you think she wants you to be dominant, try being dominant. You just might like it! Remember that where there are subs/doms and S&M, you need to discuss what is going on and define your boundaries clearly before playing. The way I see it, your sex situation is not satisfying either of you. Play around with different things and see what works.

This leads me to some other questions for you. How is your relationship in general? Do you do romantic things together? Are you affectionate with each other outside of sex? Do you communicate well in other areas of your lives? When there are underlying problems in your relationship, they will manifest themselves in your sex life.

Now, there is such a thing as sexual incompatibility. If you both want a more dominant partner, and you are both submissive by nature and switching does not appeal to either of you at all, then you may just have to look elsewhere to satsify your needs. If you can't see to find a solution on your own, seek counseling.