Breaking up is hard to do...

[jenra]

This is not a sexual question, but I'm hoping to get some advice.

I have been with my boyfriend for two years, living together for about 8 months. I love him, I'm attracted to him, I respect him... but I'm realizing that he isn't the man I want to marry. I'm not unhappy with him, but I feel that I need to be honest with him about these feelings. I'm 41, with no ticking clock, but I'm pretty sure he sees this relationship as long-term.

He's a manly man - but rather insecure and possessive. Is there any way to broach the subject that won't devastate his pride? I know he will be hurt - no way around that - but if I can avoid crushing his ego, it won't be as bad... maybe.

All words of advice are greatly appreciated.

Jenra

[SexySass69]

I like to treat the end of a relationship like getting a haircut. For me, if you agonize too much over something that you want to do but feel bad about the change, you end up causing more pain all around. Make it as quick, clean, and painless as possible by not hesitating and letting him continue in a false sense that the relationship is continuing.

Try to be as gentle as possible to avoid hurt feelings, but you have to let him know that you're not interested in a long-term. The situation you're describing sounds like it will hurt for him, but it's unfair to everyone to stick around when you don't want to be in a relationship with him.

Good luck.

[browneyedgirl]

Out of curiosity, why isn't he the man you want to marry if you love him, are attracted to him, and respect him? What is wrong with your relationship?

Anyway, I think you just need to break up with him if you feel this way. Don't keep him hanging on or let him feel like he has a chance with you. Now that you've come to this decision, you just need to be upfront with him. Sit down and tell him what you told us. Explain that you care about him, but you don't really want to be with him forever. One warning though: I'm pretty sure he's going to want to know why.

[EvilEvilKitten]

I understand that he's insecure and possessive - both very good reasons for not wanting him as your husband. Make it quick and clean and IRREVOCABLE.
Do NOT go back, do NOT hesitate, do NOT worry about his ego - he's a big boy now and should be able to take it like a man. If he wants to know why - "insecure and possessive" is the answer. Do it and be done with it.

It may sound cold and heartless but really false hope is much much worse.