NEWLY WED I love my wife madly BUT...

[Asher79]

Ive been with my woman 3 years just passed our first year of marriage in october and since we got married our sex life has nosedived.

Im fairly dominant in bed and I enjoy being the giver but since we got married its been me doing everything, I do all the foreplay, always me that initiates, always me that ends up doing the work.

It doesnt tickle my dominant funny bone anymore because I feel like im being used. Weve spoken about it and she gets ontop sometimes but I can see shes not that into it and disapears inot the bathroom after she cums. She also refuses to go down on me at all which wasnt the case before we got married.

Ive had a fked up childhood so I dont have great deal of perspective where sex is concerned. Weve tried different positions, toys, roleplay but its just not working.

Theres a fair bit of stress in our lives and id like to think thats it...
Am I missing something, Any suggestions will be appreciated

[EvilEvilKitten]

Something's bothering her and until you two discover what it is - nothing can be done. You two have got to begin an open and honest dialoge about this issue. It is far too soon in the marriage for this to be happening.

[bruins76]

One out of two things are going on...

Either she's really upset, feels unappreciated, depressed...something is bothering her emotionally. Women don't get in the mood if their emotions aren't in check, that has to be good to get them going.

"OR"

She did all that you asked for sex prior to marriage just to get married & now that you married her, the piece of paper is there etc., she feels that she doesn't need to work on you "sexually" anymore b/c she's got the prize now, she doesn't need to work for it, KWIM?

"OR"

It could be a combo of both, worst case scenario, she is cheating...

Now...I am thinking it's the 1st one but I am not her so the best way is to talk to her about it but don't come at her like "your not giving me head" etc., be compassionate about your words, think carefully & let her know that this is coming from a loving place. That you feel unloved & unwanted & you're confused & want to make sure that you guys are "okay" in your marriage. Don't make it entirely about sex cause that could backfire on you. JMO

HIH & GL
~C

[ua322]

Originally Posted by Asher79

Ive been with my woman 3 years just passed our first year of marriage in october and since we got married our sex life has nosedived.

Im fairly dominant in bed and I enjoy being the giver but since we got married its been me doing everything, I do all the foreplay, always me that initiates, always me that ends up doing the work.

It doesnt tickle my dominant funny bone anymore because I feel like im being used. Weve spoken about it and she gets ontop sometimes but I can see shes not that into it and disapears inot the bathroom after she cums. She also refuses to go down on me at all which wasnt the case before we got married.

Good God, that sounds familiar. I'm 6 years down the line and still haven't figured out what happened to our sexlife.

[Openmindedguy]

They say that if you put a marble in a jar each time you make love, before you are married, then take one out for each time after you are married, you will never empty that jar !

[browneyedgirl]

You have to COMMUNICATE about this! If talking with her doesn't work, get marriage/sex counseling. There is an underlying issue here that you need to figure out before you can solve the problem.

[ua322]

Originally Posted by Openmindedguy

They say that if you put a marble in a jar each time you make love, before you are married, then take one out for each time after you are married, you will never empty that jar !

I've never heard that before, but that is hilarious (in a sad sort of way).

So true...

[ua322]

Originally Posted by browneyedgirl

You have to COMMUNICATE about this! If talking with her doesn't work, get marriage/sex counseling. There is an underlying issue here that you need to figure out before you can solve the problem.

While I agree that there may be an "underlying issue" that could be addressed, her apathy towards fixing that problem is probably just a result of getting married.

Unless a man is willing to actually threaten divorce, he has lost all the leverage on this subject after he says "I do". In my case, I personally wouldn't consider divorce over a lack of sex so, as a result, I've had nearly 7 years of a mostly sex-free marriage. My wife is "sorry" that she has some unknown problem with her sex drive and she wishes she wasn't that way.

I do believe her that she feels bad about it. However, she just can't get interested enough in the problem to actually do anything about it. The reason she can't get interested in fixing it? Answer: because she is content with her marriage and doesn't have any incentive now.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Then perhaps you should stop making her content so she would have an incentive to getting this issue addressed.

"In my case, I personally wouldn't consider divorce over a lack of sex so,"

You said it yourself. Perhaps it is time you changed your mind.

[browneyedgirl]

Well, let her know how important this is to you. Sex is an important part of a healthy, committed relationship. Ask her to see a doctor about a hormonal imbalance or any meds that may be affecting her.

There are a plethora of reasons that her sex drive may be low... stress, poor diet, lack of exercise, overall health issues, lack of sleep. You can rule these things out by making sure that she is healthy.

Other than hormones, meds, and health (physical issues), there are emotional issues, as in problems with the relationship. So, I just wanted to put these out there as different possibilities. I'm not saying that there is definitley a big flaw in your relationship, but it is something you will want to consider when trying to rule out causes of her low libido.

As a side note, I think this whole idea that sex after marriage has to slow down because she's satisfied that now she's married is kinda silly. I'm sorry it has been the case for you. I am not married yet, but my bf and I do hope to get married down the line, and when we do I will certainly never consider that since I've made my claim sex is out. I love sex, and I am going to want to continue having sex with my guy. So... this isn't the way it has to be.