Interesting Situation to be in

[Nomyud]

So my fiance and I will finally be tying the knot in 8 months and as we've managed to get a lot more time together her sex drive has sky-rocketed as well.

When we started being sexually intimate we started off with Spermicdal Condoms, but since the selection of spermicidal condoms was so small we switched over to a combo of a regular condom and spermicidal inserts.

Due to a few scares we had a while back (condoms breaking, etc), she decided that she'd take the Pill in conjunction with a condom and spermicide. I used to think it was insanely paranoid and we got into a lot of fights because back then I wanted to bareback because I thought the pill and spermacide were more than enough. However, I always went along with what she wanted because I love her.

3 Years later, we're engaged and we start making idle talk her and there about possible children down the road. I come to the conclusion that I am very much against the thought of having children until:

1. I'm confident in our ablity to adjust to being a married couple and have a stable marriage.
2. It is financially feasible to father a child.

Because this is what I believe, I take every precaution to avoid getting my wife pregnant while trying to satisfy her sexual needs. However, as her sex drive rises and as we get closer to being newlyweds, her views on the issue have lightened up and now we're experiencing a role-reversal in regards to contraception.

All she talks about when we're about to do the naughty is how she wants nothing between us when we climax. Not the latex, not even the foam. Since then I have stopped using the foam and use just the condom and my trust in her to take the pill correctly. Her reaction to my putting on the saddle before entering has made a drastic change from "That's my boy" to "do you really have to?". It's like the mood takes a minor dive as soon as she catches a glimpse of that shred of latex in my hand.

I'm sick of wondering about this issue so I'm going to bring it when I get home tonight and hopefully have a face-to-face conversation about the issue. I want to make my wife happy, including sexually. But at the same time, when she gets pregnant, I want to say "finally" instead of "what are we going to do?"

However, before I do, what do you guys think?

[browneyedgirl]

It sounds to me like maybe at the beginning of the relationship she was more concerned about getting pregnant because there was less stability and getting pregnant would be worse at that point in a relationship. Now that you're very committed she may be a little less concerned. It's also possible that she realized that she likes the feel of sex better without condoms, though I don't see how this could be so with spermicide. Another possibility is that she realizes that she was being just a little paranoid before and that the pill is over 99% effective when used correctly.

I can't tell you her exact reasoning, though, so your decision to have a talk about it with her is the best thing to do.

[demonbuttercup]

I think BC pill and spermicide it totally enough. Most couples just use BC pill alone. Just have to make sure she takes it correctly... never misses a dose or takes it late.
Can you depend solely on trusting that she's taking them right??
Is it worth the worry?

[suzysviews]

I think talking to her is the best thing you can do. Having children is not a decision to make lightly and should be made by both of you.

Sometimes, when it comes right down to it, the best thing a couple can do is agree to disagree. In other words, she doesn't care if she gets pregnant, but you're definitely not ready... you're not going to agree, you both feel strongly about your points, so you need to agree to disagree. And I would say, while the agreement is a disagreement, until you're both completely in agreement, taking necessary precautions is definitely a good idea. (are you confused yet?)

As for birth control methods, the pill is great, added with spermicide it's even better, so a condom is a little overkill, unless there's a concern about STDs.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Talk to her about this openly, honestly, and with the understanding that she also has to be open and honest with you. Do not let her get away with paltry excuses or cliche's. Begin your marriage as you mean to go on with it. Full Disclosure! Until you are in fact married, do NOT stop using condoms. Tell her this up front without apology. If she respects you, she will respect your decision on this.

[SexySass69]

Pardon any naivete that may be seen in this, I am trying to explain as an engaged woman who experienced a similar change of heart. In the beginning I was also insanely vigilant about birth control and while my then-boyfriend was less than pleased, he always agreed that we we're being smart. Since we've gotten engaged, my sex drive has substantially increased and I have decided that being on just the pill would be enough. When I told him this, he kinda freaked out and actually suggested that we use even more contraception than we're using now. I thought of it as a trust thing, I trust him enough that I don't think we need a piece of latex between us and he should trust that I will be responsible and take the pill every day.

But I can also understand where he is coming from too. Evilevilkitten's advice is valid in this case, continue as you've been going and be sure to explain to her why.

Good luck and happy humping.

[bruins76]

I understand where she is coming from but I understand your point too. Let me say this, "if" she is truly taking the pill...and has been for over 30 days, the chances of her getting pregnant are VERY slim. Once those hormones are in her system she could forget to take a pill of skip a week & honestly the chances of her getting pregnant are still slim. Let me tell you why, once you're one the pill, & you decide you want to get pregnant (have kids) it can take anywhere from 3-12 months w/out being on the pill non-stop before she can conceive b/c of the hormones in her system. Her body has to adjust to being on a regular cycle & become fertile as well as ovulate, her temp has to be right & her cervix need's to be a certain softeness, even at all of that, if your 1 sperm doesn't make it past the cervix into the uterus to catch the egg (if an egg even passes) then & only then would you get her pregnant. Getting pregnant isn't as easy as you think (speaking from experience, trust me)...so if she is on the pill using anything else is pretty ridiculous, but that's JMO. If you guys are getting married, then there is no reason to put on latex etc., if you were "casually dating" then I'd understand.

As far as becoming a parent.. I understand you wanting to make sure that the 2 of you are a strong couple before having a child (smart actually)... Let me add this though, if you are waiting for $ to be right & everything to be right, you'll be waiting for the rest of your life. You'll never have enough $ & it will never be a perfect time to have a child. You could have a great job, big house, the whole nine, she get pregnant & a week before she is due to give birth you get laid-off from work, it happens, I know it first hand. There is never a "good time" trust me. As long as money is coming in & you can afford diapers, wipes, formula, & clothes, the rest is just fine. It doesn't cost that much, it get's expensive w/ school/college but that's year's from now.

I am telling you this cause so many men think that they have to be financially a certain way before they have kids. It's not true. Now if you are jobless, so is she then yeah...having a child doesn't make much sense. But if you two make decent money there is no reason you can't swing it. Me & my Dh have 3 kids & just bought a house, I want another child, he keep's saying we don't have the $ but we really do. If we stopped doing take out every day, got rid of 2 out of the 3 gym memberships that we have, stop buying our 3 kids everything elaborate & downsize a little there is plenty of extra money to have a child. I am getting pregnant in another year whether he wants too or not. I am the one who take's care of all the kids, I work from home, take care of the kids (pretty much all by myself) and don't feel that I can't have my other baby. I want one more, that's it, we have 3 boys and I'd like to try for a girl, if #4 isn't a girl, then I am done. But I want to be done w/ having kids by the time I am 32.

Oh, BTW, as a woman becomes older, her and her partner's chances of conceiving is less than 60% & that w/ actively trying. So don't worry about getting her pregnant if she's on the pill. Unless she is not taking the pill, there is no need to worry. And guess what? you love her, you're marryign her, even if she did get preggers, you'd be thrilled & overjoyed, trust me.

HIH...

~C

[Nomyud]

Thanks for all the tips guys. We had a talk about it and she's ok with keeping the cover on for as long as I want it. Now I just need to figure out how to satisfy her crazy sex drive :0

Wish me luck

[EvilEvilKitten]

Vitamins, lots of water, good food and go for it!!
Congrats!!

[SexySass69]

Try endurance training because that may just be the ticket to not falling into a coma after a week.

Good luck and happy, well I think you get it.