I want you to hit me

[BubbleNixie]

For quite some time, my significant other and I have been in somewhat of a sexual rut. We used to be passionate and kinky and spontaneous, but for the past many, many months, things have been anything but desirable. If I knew that our relationship would be reduced to plain and simple, banal intercourse, I never would have gotten involved with him. However, he's quite the kinky individual, he's just opted to to either ignore that side or forgot it existed entirely. This has been very difficult for me. I'm a bottom and loved how he used to dominate me.

I decided to take charge of the situation last night. We'd just returned from visiting my family for the holiday for several days, which means there had been no sexual contact at all. Actually, due to my being sick with pneumonia and a recent long parade of antibiotics, there hasn't been any sexual contact for quite some time. My being completely bored and annoyed at our current sex life hadn't really motivated me to try to better the situation either. But enough was enough.

Our drive home was pretty fun- there was some erotic prose on the book on CD we were listening too and I spent quite a bit of time stroking him while he drove, despite his protests. By the time we got back home, I know he was feeling *something.* When he came to bed, I started stroking him through his boxers. Then I became more persistant and finished him off using only my hands. This is very atypical- usually he stops me after awhile and then we have sex.

After doing that, I got really turned on so I began to up the ante. I kissed his hand and licked his fingers. When I heard him groan, I dug my nails into his thigh. Scratched them down his back. Pulled his hair. Back in the days of our BDSM play, this kind of behavior would initiate some discipline on his part. I was hoping to elicit that response again, for the first time in forever.

And to some extent, I was successful. He grabbed my hips, pinned down my wrists and groped me. It had been so long since he asserted that kind of power on me and I loved it. I continued to fight him, scratched him, pulled his hair, and he responded by pulling down my pajama bottoms and forcing himself on top of me. This sort of thing has not happened in well over a year- that kind of brute force of taking me. I took his hand and moved it to my neck, and he held it there. As soon as he entered me, I told him that I wanted him to hit me.

Back in the day, this request never needed to be verbalized. My aggressive behavior would elicit just that. It was a dance we both knew the steps to. But hoping that he remembered the choreography was not part of my plan last night because that hopefulness has only brought disappointment. When I said that, he told me that he would not hit me.

But then something very unusual happened.

He came, almost instantly. This is not typical for him- I usually finish before him- *and* he had just climaxed a few minutes before. I believe there are no coincidences and that actions speak far louder than words. To me, this seems pretty significant.

Afterward, we talked about it. He said that he really that wanted to hit me, but that he loved me too much. I told him that I didn't understand what was going on. We were both kinky people who used to enjoy that kind of thing and I didn't know why everything had stopped. I told him that his sexual preferences were what really sold me on him (aside from the bazillion other things we have in common) and that I couldn't understand why he's opted to ignore this part of himself, especially after all the fun we'd had in the past. "You have a riding crop hanging from your bed, for Christ's sake!" I told him. He laughed. I don't remember exactly how I left the conversation but I do know I left my desires hanging in the air.

As a result, I decided right then and there that the only way to remedy this relationship is to be assertive about being the submissive. This is something that needs to happen and I'm more than willing to do what I can to send the message home to him.

What does everybody else think? I'd love some thoughts, feedback and any advice.

Thank you!

[ashley22]

WoW !! I am coming to your house for the threesome!! Maybe he does love you differently now and it is hard for him to be that aggressive with you.

[BubbleNixie]

Part of me wants to agree, but I have a hard time imagining that he would deny a major part of him on that basis. Additionally, why would he immediately climax as soon as I asked him to, if he didn't really want to, especially after he'd come only minutes before? He's 35, not 12...you know?

And lastly, sure! Please do

[EvilEvilKitten]

Needs change over time. Relationships change over time. You two need to seriously talk about your desires. He loves you too much to hit you usually means that he's afraid he will seriously hurt you. Perhaps it is time for you to introduce some subtlety into your play.