is she messin with my head? should i try and move on?

[magic]

hey, im in need of some advice big time. want as many opinions on this as i can get cause need all the help i the world as im really struggling at the moment.
ive been split from my ex for nearly 3 months now, and it was the worst mistake i ever made! i finished it cause i was afraid of my feelings for her, never felt the way do bout her before and and didnt know how to deal with it.
bein with her was never gona be the easiest as there is an age gap of 11 years, and she has 3 children from a past marrige, but despite that we stayed together for quite a while and its was amazing!
as soon as i met her i knew i would fall in love with her, and soon did. i never told her this as i was afraid she wouldnt feel the same as i did and couldnt cope with the possible rejection.
not long after we split we started seeing each other again and things started to look good again. then about 2 months ago she decided she could be with me, we sat and talked things through for hours that nite, till 3am! its then that i decieded to tel her exactly how i feel about her, and she said she felt exactly the same! this didnt change anything though and we split for good. was the worst nite of my life!
we have stayed in touch and met to speak about things a few times. she tels me she loves and wants to be with me but cant. have asked why and get alot of different reasons, i dont want to get hurt again, cant risk things cause of her kids, doesnt want to be in a relationship right now and that if she did it would be with me! i deciede to leave things and stopped gettin intouch with her, until start of this week when when she sent a message saying she was thinking about me and misses me. so we met up again, nothin was really said bout us but it was so good to see her and spend time with her again but it bought back all the feelings i had fought so hard to push aside and try to forget about. the past few days we have been in contact and i decided to wear my heart on my sleeve and tell her exactly how was feeling about her and tell her i want to be back with her, she said she wished things were different and that it aint fair on me as she wants to settle down and get married and that i want someone with no kids and deserve better than her! after thinking about things i realised that i want exactly the same as she does so told her, she said it sounds perfect, but yet another excuse bout it not being so good to my family and friends!
im in such a mess right now cause im totally in love her, and she says she feels the same, and its killing me not bein with her i just really dont know waht to do. want to be with her more than anything and dont want to give up on things while she says she feels the same.
sorry bout the length of this, hope you can help me if you didnt die of bordem reading it!! lol

[dancingdoc2]

There are a couple of avenues. The first is to bow out and let her raise her children, then, if you two still want to get together after the last one is 18, do so.

The second solution is to move on and find someone without young children.

It is often extremely difficult for a third party to enter into a family as a step parent. You cannot really disipline the child(ren) if they are older than about four, and, you marry them as well. Not often, although more often than not, children will come between the adults and make the new family dynamic a very difficult one. This is why I recommend not beginning a relationship with a person who has small children to raise.

[NizeGie]

Originally Posted by dancingdoc2

This is why I recommend not beginning a relationship with a person who has small children to raise.

Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on how you look at it, not everyone follows this advice. If they did, there'd be millions of single moms consigned to fairly lonely lives.

A lot of single dads too, though moms are much more frequently the ones assigned the role of raising the children. Actually, as I think about it, it kind of has to cut out millions of men as well, since when you drop out millions on one side of the gender line, you leave about the same number on the other side without a mate.

[browneyedgirl]

I think you need to really talk to her. If you feel up to the challenge of living with her and her kids, then tell her you are willing to be a father figure and you want to be with her. Ask her what you need to do to make the relationship work, and tell her how important she is to you. The only way you will find out how she is really feeling is by talking to her about it. I don't think she is just messing with your head. It sounds to me like she is worried about going back into a situation where she could be hurt. Anyway, the thing to do is talk to her about it. Good luck!

[magic]

cheers for the replies!! could still do with more views on it!!

[EvilEvilKitten]

Magic - if she wanted, truly wanted, to be with you - she would be with you; without any excuses, without any doubts.

So move on, friend.