vanilla frustration

[FayMahem]

I'm posting because I'm rather concerned about the current state of my sex life. I've been in a monogamous relationship for just under two years with my partner. When we met, there were instant sparks and an amazing chemistry between the two of us. The other lovely thing about it was that he was just as kinky as I was. This was really good for both of us because we'd come from previous relationships where vanilla was the dominating flavor. My ex felt that kink was just a result of getting bored with sex, not an actual life preference and should be avoided at all costs. But then again, he also believed PMS was a myth too...

Anyway, our physical relationship was really pretty fantastic for a while. As we got closer, the kink began to dwindle as well. My partner said it was because he cared about me too much and thought he might "lose control" and hurt me in the bad kind of way. I put that part of our sex life on the back burner for a bit because there was plenty of evidence that aspect of our relationship was still there.

We've attended play parties together and when we go out to a function, we're almost always dressed in fetish attire. He even has his riding crop hanging next to his bed, but that's as far as it's gone in over a year.

I don't think this would bother me as much as it does save for the fact that sex between us has gotten incredibly routine and boring. It's such a disappointment at this point that I'd rather refrain from having it because it's so discouraging. I'm not even sure how to change the situation any more because I feel like we're past the point of no return. Ever since we figured out the position that allows me to climax, that's pretty much all we do. For months.

Now, I feel like if I tried to bring back some variety in our sex life it would be artificial and awkward and more trouble than it's worth. How does one go about changing a year-long sexual rut in a manner that feels good and natural to both people? Furthermore, how could one re-introduce a little kink to a physical relationship that was once based on that principle?

[Blackweb]

By talking to their partner.

You sound like you both know what you like and are mature about trying new things, so why wouldn't you just sit him down and tell him you want to try something new?

Men are orgasm focused anyways, so if he found a position or a system that lets him make you cum, and cum himself, he is probably under the belief that he's doing something right. And isn't he?

You don't even really need to talk to him, why not just surprise him next time? I'm not sure how you initiate sex in your relationship (I hope you don't both talk about having it and then do) but why not just initiate something new yourself with him? A new position, role playing, etc, just do it without asking.

[SexySass69]

Orgasms are great, who would argue with that? But sexual boredom is not.
I agree with Blackweb, talking and initiating it yourself are two very good ways to make the staleness go fresh again. There are so many little ways to turn everyday into something extraordinary. You could try any of the following to transform him into an animal for a little while...
*Go commando and give him the opportunity to discover this in a semi-public place so that he can think about how badly he desires you until he can get you alone.
*Tie him up while he's sleeping and then surprise him by waking him up to a couple hits from that riding crop and then proceed to treat him like a wild stallion.
*Make him a little jealous by doing some kinky things to yourself with a toy right in front of him. If he acts surprised tell him that you've missed the feeling of being "bad."
*Buy him an outrageous porno and then make it a conversation about whether or not he would like to act out a certain scene.

There are so many ways to rekink the straight, you just have to go for it. Let him know that you enjoy it and it's not all about orgasms, it's the experiences with him.

GOOD LUCK!

[browneyedgirl]

You've already gotten some great advice - you need to communicate! I also agree 100% that a little surprise could be in order. How bout when he's in the other room, change into a little outfit for him. For instance: corset, stalkings, garter, and heels? Or just stalkings, garter, and heels? Or lingerie of any kind? You could even handcuff yourself to the bedpost. Then lay on the bed and wait for him - or call out to him that you need a little help with something or whatever. I'm sure he'll be happy to see you like that, and the spontaneity will be a big turn on. I think doing stuff like that every now and then keeps passions ignited...

If you don't want to sit down and have the conversation just yet, you could try giving the kink a nudge. When you're having sex, tell him to hit you! Dirty talk can spice up sex considerably, but it also gives you a sexy way of telling him just what you'd like him to be doing.

Another thing to ask yourself is if there have been different stressors in your lives lately. Did
- a family member just die?
- you get fired?
- you move?
- you get a promotion?
- you start working longer hours?

Often relationships lose that spark because there's something else going on in your lives and you don't give your relationship as much attention as it deserves. You can remedy that by taking some time out and spending quality time together. Keep the romance and flirtation going!

[EvilEvilKitten]

How does one do it? By just doing it!

Go for it!!!