Stalemate

[EnemyOfReality]

me and my wife have been married for 1.5 years...been together for around 3 years...our sex life is almost non-existant...we used to have sex alot...we were quite stoned on marijuana during that time, but we did it every night just about...now we can't seem to get around to it...most of the time I'd like to think that it's her, she can't ever get in the mood, she never initiates it, ever...her mood is ready one minute, eh you missed it the next...she doesn't visit downstairs at all ever, she doesn't like me to visit her down there either...i'm just about fed up with it, I don't know how to talk to her about it either, she just passes it off like there is no problem or gets pissed off that I mentioned it...help me out? ideas?

[Blackweb]

Even if the sex is bad, a strong, healthy relationship will have lots of it. Conversely, a bad or strained relationship will have less sex, even if it's good. The quality of sex is always a bonus, but perhaps there are other issues at stake here.

How is your marriage aside from the sex? When you bring up the problems with her not being in sync with you sexually, how are you bringing them up? Nothing will get her back up more than an accusation.

Basically a bit more information is needed..

[EnemyOfReality]

i don't really bring it up much...because i know that i'll end up making accusations, so I try to avoid that...i'm just curious about ways i could address the problem i guess without coming across as accusatory...we are coming out of a long time of debt and financial struggle, I'm hoping for our sake that we come out of that and get back at it lol...our marriage is strong we are best friends, we hide nothing, and we spend time together...i dont' know, i'm just confused and frustrated...as much as I don't want to be frustrated because that will only lead to a build of anxiety and anger on the subject and will end up badly somehow...i just need to know that this happens to the best of us and it should pass if it is a stress related thing...i dunno, i'm just confused and looking for some people to talk to about it lol...

thanks

[dancingdoc2]

Sounds to me like you may not be married to the same people you met while stoned. Could be that you are not enamoured with the same person, now.

[EnemyOfReality]

you know, I've thought about what I've said...most of it is true...it's really how it happened...

right now, i am out of town for a month on business with my new job...I thought about it...i will appreciate home alot more when I get done here...I will expectedly appreciate my time at home more...which means more family time...I'm looking forward to getting home...I think it will be a new awakening, not only in the bedroom...but for life in general...i still welcome all replies though...but I thought I'd this in there...

[browneyedgirl]

Communication is key here! Don't be accusatory, just say something like, "Honey, I've noticed we have sex a lot less now than we used to. Sometimes I get frustrated because I feel like you aren't attracted to me anymore. What can I do to get you interested in sex? I think sex can be something that we could both really enjoy and that could add to our relationship. I want to know what I can do so that you enjoy sex more." You don't have to say exactly this - but cover those points.

What happens when you try to initiate sex? Do you end up having sex? Does she refuse you? If so, what does she say? When you do have sex, does she orgasm? If she does have sex with you when you initiate sex, maybe she just feels like sex is getting boring. Maybe you could ask her about fantasies, roleplaying, or if she's interested in trying different positions. Another idea is to surprise her - buy her some lingerie, take her out to a romantic dinner, light some candles. Switch things up, make it fun and lively, and see where things go.

[A Difficult Woman]

I feel so bad for you both. That's how my marriage was for 7 years. We got along great, but there was no sex. I'd have little windows of opportunity for him, but they'd pass so quickly. A lot of my problem (I realize now) were some pretty serious digestive issues! My stomach always hurt and the thought of him touching me was repulsive - not because of him, but because I felt so awful. I never would have admitted that to him, I just put him off ... and off... and off....

I wonder if your wife misses your pursuit of her? In the early stages of a relationship, men pursue their women and we LOVE it. It's amazingly erotic to know that our man wants us. But once you've caught us, the pursuit abruptly ends. You start wondering why she doesn't initiate sex... and she's wondering why you stopped... You stop making out... and wonder why the desire cools off. You're mad at her so you don't take out the trash... she's mad at you so she doesn't make your lunch anymore... All these things add up to two unhappy, lonely, insecure people who go into self-protective mode.

Okay, I'm rambling on a Sunday morning. I think I'll go make out with my man.

Jenny Kennedy
Author of Easy Orgasms for Difficult Women, A Guide for Men
www.DifficultWoman.com

[EvilEvilKitten]

Possible reasons:

1. she's tired
2. she's bored
3. she's ill

What to do - ask her "Don't you like me anymore?" and then explain that for you, sex with her is very important to you and that when she doesn't desire you - you feel lost, useless, and unloved.

Make sure that the sex with her is stressed - you want her to know that you desire her more than anyone else on the planet.

Do not accuse her, do not blame her - none of that - just feel like some worn out old teddybear that is rather worn and tired - missing patches of fur and maybe has a small tear in one ear. Got that?

You're 'sleeping beauty- male version' and only she can awaken you and return you to life! Then bat your eyelashes and say 'pretty please?'

Then listen to what she says.