Sex less frequent and lost meaning...

[dancingdoc2]

Go for it.
If it provokes thought or comment on his part you are ahead of the game or because of it.

If the game makes him want to do something with you win or loose, it is a win-win situation for the both of you.

[WallyLlama]

Quite frankly, I did not read through the entire thread carefully... when I read your desire for "expert" advice, I did have a chuckle though... because on a board like this most people THINK they're an expert. So there ought to be a caution sign... or at least a warning that all you are really getting is opinions.

Here's mine:

I think it's easy to forget that relationships require continuous learning and a fair amount of investment. Just because we "love" somebody that doesn't mean we automatically do the right thing all the time... for any number of reasons.

There are no magic solutions when things get out of kilter. There are no "do this so that will happen" formulas. But the key ingredient is always going to be the other half of the partnership... and the recipe for solutions is one you work out together with both hands on the spoon stirring the pot.

I like the game; you both have to play.

Just remember that you are building a partnership and that means you are both equally responsible for problems. He doesn't "make" you feel a certain way... he only contributes. You don't "make" him feel inadequate, you might contribute.

There is nothing wrong with turning outside the relationship for ideas and opinions... but remember that's all you get - ideas and opnions. You simply HAVE to discover what "works" together... in ways that work for both of you... so you're not trying to manipulate each other into being and doing what you want -- you are building a relationship and a couple that works. If you are going to do that the best experts are each other!

[CJS-81]

Thanks for your input Wally.

In fact i was feeling great about everything since i got a reply from my partner on email, but now he's gone into some sort of "hibernation" silent treatment something or rather. He's ignoring me and when i call him he's short and he doesn't want to talk. He doesn't want to make plans to see me either. I wanted to make plans to have time together and he just rejected me completely.

:'(

[CJS-81]

"What a difference a day makes...."

Yes we've talked and things are looking up. Thank you for your help everyone. I think my non-relationship stress was getting the better of me anyway.

[wshyonw]

Have you considered that he's just tired--even exhausted? Or maybe not well? You said he's a shift worker. He may not be getting enough sleep. Try keeping his schedule and see what it does to you. The cause of all this may be something you're not yet aware of. Don't start with a prescription until you've really diagnosed the cause. As hard as it sounds, ask him what's up--talk to him, tell him your frustrations. What do you have to lose? And have him read this forum. This is my first time here. What a terrific resource! And it's not porn!!

[Cleveland]

CJS--I want to take a bit of a different approach to this--maybe a more simple way of considering the issue.

You lived together before. Sex was something that was part of your home-life...no one had to get up and leave after. Could it be that "visiting" for sex is part of the problem? Isn't going to bed with some kind of limit to the visitation more condusive to "****ing" instead of "making love"?

Just my 2 cents...hope you figure things out...

[CJS-81]

Things seem to have got better just through talking. We are getting back on track, and making love again. Thanks for your input everyone.