I need some opinions...

[AmeriCanuck]

I have been married for 3 1/2 yrs. and I am having a problem with something. My wife has a sister that is a couple years older than her and is seeing someone who we all feel she should dump cuz they have been together for about 5 years and he hasn't asked her to marry yet and insults her all the time making it look like a joke. Well, a little while ago I had a couple dreams about her one of which was us having sex together. Now in conversation with her sister, I told her I had some dreams about her one which I told her was just us somewhere which I really couldn't remember. The other I just told her I couldn't remember what it was cuz I didn't want her to get freaked out or anything. She seemed fine with it, cuz she told me about her b/f having some about her which was her cheating on him (which I thought was interesting to say the least considering mine). Anyway, I don't know if these dreams mean anything. But just recently, my wife told me that her sister did "like" me and said I had a nice butt. Now I don't know if this was recent or if this was awhile ago and my wife is just telling me now. But I guess deep down Im a little attracted to her too which I feel guilty for, but my question is should I do anything about all of this? Should I tell my wife about the dreams, knowing she is real insecure already? Should I just forget about all of this? See, cuz my wife and I have a 2 yr old daughter as well.

[Browser]

Stop focusing on your sister-in-law. Return your attention to your wife and daughter.

[learning]

Fantasies are just that and in most cases (as in this particular case) should remain just that.

Most of us are attracted to other people during a long term relationship (and very often it is the "forbidden" that is the catalyst for such a fantasy), but it is our choice whether we react on it or not. As per the previous post, return your attention to your wife and daughter and "enjoy" your own fantasies.

[Cleveland]

My sister-in-law is a total bitch. Her husband is one of the most boring people on Earth. They have a daughter who I love almost as much as my own son, so I maintain a civil relationship with the adults so I can have an uncle/neice relationship. As much as I despise my sister-in-law, I had a dream (nightmare) that I was having amazing sex with someone--it was a very detailed nightmare--first, I was on top. Then she was on top and I couldn't see her face until I pulled her hair aside. At that point I woke up screaming--woke the whole house up! Why? Because the person I was having sex with was my sister-in-law. What does that mean? Nothing. It was just a nightmare, one that I now laugh about. What YOU are proposing will cause YOU real nightmares! Stay away from your sister-in-law--just don't allow yourself to be alone with her...

[AmeriCanuck]

Thanks for the opinions. One thing I didn't mention was that my wife and I got married before we really knew each other. I mean we met online accidentally, started talking over the phone and computer for a month. Then she came down to visit for like 4 or 5 days and before she left, I proposed. I think I got a little impulsive, thinking if I didn't do it then then I don't know the next time we would be together to do it and I think I let my emotions at the time get the best of me. Well, we got married like 4 months later too even though part of that we were forced into. Anyway, we've had a rough time of it mostly I think because we didn't date long enough. I mean I had some reservations with a couple of her personality quirks and we used to argue even before we got married. It was mostly because she is super sensitive and when I say something she jumps to the wrong conclusion even though I may not say it how I want. Well, I couldn't bring myself to break things off because she had just been dumped somewhat recently by a guy she thought she was going to marry and 10 years before that was engaged and found out after that he basically was cheating on her. I know it's my fault since I'm the one that asked her to marry me, but I've always had doubts whether we were right for each other to begin with. But of course as I mentioned we have a daughter that mainly keeps us together. But I hate it when we argue and our daughter is right there, so when we start I catch myself and realize I should stop since I don't want it to affect her more than it has cuz our daughter starts getting upset. But I just don't know if this is healthy so that's why I posted the original message. And obviously, her sister is very attractive as well. But maybe you are all right so far.

[bruins76]

First off, dreams are dreams... fantasies are fantasies...they aren't real & shoudln't be, KWIM?

Do NOT tell your wife cause if you truly love your wife & want a good relationship w/ her etc., then telling her would be BAD.

If you are asking if you should cheat on your wife w/ her sister? That's bad. That says that you are thinking of cheating, which make's me wonder how truly comitted you are to your wife. If you are gonna cheat, you're gonna cheat, regardless if it's w/ your wife sis or not, but if you are gonna do it, please, please...don't go there w/ her sis...that's her family, that's sick.

If you don't love your wife anymore, I'd suggest finding out the route of the reasons behind it. Maybe go to counseling by yourself to figure these "feelings" out.

Don't stay w/ someone cause of a kid. You owe it to your child to try & make things work but after trying all that you can (which doesn't sound like you have yet) then & only then would it make sense to separate.
Children need stability, not a broken marriage to be raised in. If you are going to cheat, you owe it to your wife to end your marriage now, separate & tell her you are moving on. Don't cheat on her & let her find out later, that would be awful. Either way it will hurt but I'd rather someone leave me first instead of cheating on me & having to find out later.

Either way sucks but infedelity isn't good either.

HIH, GL

[AmeriCanuck]

But should I tell her sister what that other dream was about that I had or just keep it to myself? I left a message on her phone saying I remembered what it was but probably shouldn't say. I don't know if she got it or not. It doesn't seem like she acts any differently. Should I ask my wife is the information she told me is old or was this just recently? Because I do wonder if this was when she first met me and now she doesn't feel the same since she's gotten to know me or if she made these comments to my wife recently. In reply to the other comments, no I wouldn't or dont think I could cheat on my wife. She's been through that hurt too much already and I already did something by mistake that ended up badly so her trust isn't what it was now. But it makes me feel good to know that her sister likes me like that.

[Browser]

I disagree. I'd stay with your wife for the kid, even if there was absolutely no semblance of love left. Stop thinking about your sister-in-law and it will pass. You've shown that you're heading towards (at least) a minor obsession with these posts... move on!

[bruins76]

ITA w/ the above poster. Let it go.

[dancingdoc2]

Here is the key for telling anyone anything:
Of what benefit will it be to the person to know this information or fact?

All too often "we" want to tattle and usually for no good reason other than we think it makes us look important. Consider the other person. If no good will come from knowing about your dreams, then mums the word, bro.

As for fantasies, they are all OK, even the bizarre ones, and these only become a potential problem if you act on them.