previous partners......

[sparco]

Me and my girlfriend have been togeather for almost 3 years. We met when we were only 17 and now we are both 20.

But I was a virgin when we met, partly because i was a late starter in terms of puberty and was not interested in other girls. I was always brought up too think that sex was too be saved for the right person, who I found. However she has had 4 other sexual partners before me, one which was a serious relationship. Her dating history is also far greater than mine as she was practically my first girlfriend, she has dated many members of bands, ice hockey palyers and all sorts.

She was a changed girl when we met and she is very ashamed about her past. I am very comforting about it, and always re-assure her about it being ok. I tell her it doesnt matter and it doesnt bother me, but deep down I think it does. Because I believe I saved myself for the one, but she didnt save her self for me. And purity is something I dont ever think I will feel.

I found some comfort when she told me she had never climaxed, and I was the first, and also I assumed she used condoms before. But I found out she did not use condoms with the other partners which realy upset me. I think its because of the close contact you share when not using them, the fact that seman goes inside her and the exchange of bodily fluids etc. It ment alot too me too think I was the first without condoms, but that broke me too find out I wasnt. She has been tested, and we both go for regular checkups and no std's.

I love her very much and although its difficult too say so at such a young age I want too be with her for the rest of my life. She feels the same way about me too. I want too stop these things getting too me. Any way I can do this? Im not a jelous person in any other way, its just I get funny about this.

It realy upsets her when I talk about these things with her as she is ashamed about her past, so I try not too and tell her that I dont mind. I want these feelings too go away.

[Talie]

She shouldn't be ashamed of the past its exactly that the past, you both need 2 forget about it if you want a future together. she's with you she loves you.

[Newwife]

My husband is looking on with me at threads. This is his advice for you.

When you really love a girl it doesnt matter if she has been with a hundred guys, 30, 1 or none. You love her for who she is. Just for her. If you can't seem to get over that she has been with other men, than maybe you should take a look at your relationship to remember why you want her to be the only one forever.
If she hasnt had an reprocusions from not wearing condoms with other guys, and if you really love her, the point is that it is her past. The past is in the past. You either have to get over it or look at your relationship and see if the feeling that you are holding onto are going to hinder your relationship.

She was also to begin with upfront about her sexual life before you both got into the love part of you relationship, and you shouldnt be making her feel ashamed of her past because it is her past. It is not healthy in a good relationship.
Your relationship should be focusing on how you feel making love to her, how she makes you feel on a day to day basis, and why you are in love with her to the extent to say that you want to spend the rest of your life together. My husband has been with many women before me. Sometimes I think about other women touching him and it makes me upset. But I have realized that is his past. At the end of the day he loves me more than any other woman he's been with. I know that no matter what our past were we knew we wanted to spend the rest of our life together and thats all that mattered.

Think of this. Maybe b/c she has a little more experience than you she can bring things to you sexual life and make it better. That is how I think of it with my husband.

[Browser]

Her past is just that: hers, and past. Move on.

[sparco]

Originally Posted by Newwife

[B]You love her for who she is. Just for her.

This point realy stuck out too me. Thats what I relay wanted to hear, thank you. I was having a bad day yeaterday and things just got ontop of me. When she told me about the condom thing it realy upset me, but after time too think and your advice it doesnt bother me. Infact im happy for her because she has experienced other relationships, some good and some bad, but has realised that I am the right one for her.

Sometimes I think that its an anger inside me that I never got the chance too get with other girls, yet at the same time I dont want too know what its like too be with anyone else! It doesnt make sense. Its just the general trend that people hav sex young these days as its seen as "cool" and I guess in angry that I didnt do it. I know im not missing out though!

I must stress that I never once made her feel bad about her past. These were things that went on in my head. I always told her it was fine and I didnt care about it because I loved her for who she was, and I offered her a chance too talk about her past because I knew she was unhappy about it. And with talking about it she felt better about it and could talk in confidence and I convinced her it was normal and there was no need too get upset about the past. So it was good for her, the thing is it was bottled up inside me. I guess I just needed too get it out, the reason why I started this thread.

But its out now and I feel tons better now

[Cleveland]

You can't change the past. You CAN control the future. The relationship you have together needs to have a recognized start date--the day you commited to each other. That's all that should matter.

[bruins76]

It's very rare to meet a virgin now a days, the fact that you were when you met her & she was your first is rare.

The fact that she has a past of 4 people or 40 people shoudln't matter to you, it's about you two, today & now, not what she did before she met you.

I do not know how many gal's my man has slept w/ aside from his ex wife (he was former military)...& he doesn't know my # either. We both decided we don't want to know that # for both of us, cause the thought of each other w/ other people make's us insecure & there isn't a reason for it. We both have kid's from other relationships, it's obvious either of us were virgins when we met.

Now...as far as not using condoms every time...there are not many who have done that either. Not that it shouldn't be done everytime (cause it should) but we all make that mistake of letting our body talk & not our brain in those circumstances.

As far as STD's goes...you do not have to have intercourse to get an STD...in fact all it take's is skin/skin contact to contract genital herpes...that means fingering someone, dry humping oral sex, what ever...so even if she did use a condom every single time it wouldn't exclude her from that STD.

Herpes can lie dormant in one's body (asleep) for up to 10 years before you have an outbreak, some people never have an outbreak (warts) and are just the carrier of the "strand" and then they have sex w/ someone else (or other partners w/ a condom) & can still give that strand of herpes to those other people and so forth. So in 10 years from now maybe she could develop a wart & not even know who she got it from, and visa versa.

So even if you are a virgin (intercourse) you can still get an STD. Keep that in mind.

Moving forward, your insecurity is based on immaturity in the relationship. No one wants to imagine their lover w/ another person (when they truly love that person) but if you've exchanged details then sometime's those visuals cannot be avoided. Which is why me & my man decided NOT to exchange info so we wouldn't have to think of each other w/ someone else.

Now if you love this person, you need to be honest w/ her. The fact that she didn't save herself for you doesn't make her a bad person. If you REALLY wanted a gal that saved herself, you wouldn't have lost your virginity w/ her in the first place. Not sure if you are feeling this way for religious reasons or if it's just a moral thing, either way...you knew she wasn't a virgin when you had sex w/ her, you can't blame her.

Just cause she's had sex w/ others beside's you doesn't mean she's nasty/gross or impure. Now if she was a full blown hooker, that would be different, but she is a normal human being.

I'd suggest going to therapy for yourself to figure out why you feel this way. Otherwise it's gonna eat up at you. I have a gut feeling that your girlfriend already knows that this is bothering you, why else would she feel "bad" that she had sex w/ others beside's you?

Everyone wishes they could erase their past partners (at least I know I would) but you can't....you have to live for today, not yesterday when she didn't know you existed. It's not her fault.

HIH, GL