Marrage = celibacy??

[jonny123]

Hello all,

been married for about 2.5 years, been togeather for about 6 years. before we were married i turned her down most of the time, grew up in hardcore christian home some of the values stuck. but know that we are married i see it as the bond and all that stuff. but the sex life is once maybe twice a week. i want her to orgasm every time we have sex. it is only fair. but she no longer gets in the mood. she has not initiated sex in 3 years, she does not like me giving oral sex and vise versa, and if i ask for it i am begging.

how do you inspire your wife to want to make love? I have done the romace thing, candles incsence rose pedals on the bed, to blind forlds tieed up and stuff. send flowers cause at work just becasue. it all comes down to being to much work to have sex. as long as she just has to lay there and NOT DO ANYTHING ELSE she is happier. if that is the case, why not just jack off. i want to be loved and touched back. i come closer and closer for looking for a new partner. but i don't want new i want my wife. to me sex is very important, but is sliding down her scale more every day.

[dancingdoc2]

There is a saying that goes something like this: In a happy relationship sex is ten percent of the reason; in an unhappy relationship, sex is ninety percent of the cause. I recommend looking at your marriage in it entirety and see if or what may be wrong.

[Luvs2plzU]

RUN don't walk to a marriage counsellor...don't be embarassed by the thought...they will HELP "tune up" your marriage...I totally reccommend it to all couples every few years...look at it as maintenance!!...

[jonny123]

I am willing to give counsling a chance,

but what i am wondering is what is wrong? I know consliing will find it. here is the way it is, house cleaning, laundry, chores around the house, dishes, cleaning, everything that i do. her job is make dinner, but we usually cook togeather, and pay bills. If she wants it we get it, plans on the weekend are what she wants to do. there is alot of give in the relationship, but mainly on my side. she always tells me i am too good to her. In my mind we have a good relationship, i am ok with doing most things myself. (bad childhood, if i wanted someing it was up to me to get it done, cuase mom and dad where not there). I go to her families with her and never complain just go and tell myself that it will be a good time, and it usually does. I know it sounds like i am the perfect guy and i know i am not.

She has a line of depression, that can make you loose interest. But the usually complaint is that sex is too much work. But 9 out of 10, she just lays there. the other one time she may have stroked me before sex for 20 seconds or so. one time, literarally having intercourse for 1.5 hours, she orgasmed 4 times. And she complained we wasted to much time having sex.

[NizeGie]

Originally Posted by jonny123

... the sex life is once maybe twice a week.

That's a long way from "= celibacy"!

[jonny123]

celibacet maybe not, but if i dont make a move, then it is celibacy.

and yes i did try it for a month, it sucked, really hurt after that month, saying lets make love tonight, with the reply from her "why its been so nice without you putting pressure on me for sex"

[Luvs2plzU]

Marriage therapy will HELP you find out what is lacking....nobody on this board will be able to diagnos what the problem is...sounds like some medical issues also...there are professionals out there!!...best of luck!!

[ua322]

Originally Posted by jonny123

....one time, literarally having intercourse for 1.5 hours, she orgasmed 4 times. And she complained we wasted to much time having sex.

90 minutes of straight up intercourse is really pushing the endurance of the average vagina. Something to think about...

[ua322]

Originally Posted by jonny123

....She has a line of depression, that can make you loose interest....

90% chance this is the root of your problem. Does she take medication for this?

[LittleFury]

You turning her down in the past might have also be part of the reason. If you keep turning a woman down, she will at some point just stop. And it will be hard to get it back. It might take a while. As any time you do something sweet, it would be hard to relax. She could keep thinking "How long this will last, I better not get my hopes up". Counseling is an excellent idea.