My girlfriend upsets me

[Sirene]

We've only been together about 9 weeks. I know she has very strong feelings for me, as I do her.
But she talks about sex with her exes too much. Yes I'm insecure, but it makes me feel like ****. I once shouted at her for always going on about it & she was sorry. But she's still doing it. How can I aproach this? What can I say to her? Every weekend I see her she mentions something that makes me feel crap. That makes me feel insignificant & upset. I just get quiet & don't say much, because I dont know what to say.
I dont have much confidence to say "I wish you'd ****ing stop talking about that crap". We were drunk the time i got mad with her, & it upset us both, i'd rather not shout about it, but when she says stuff that makes me upset & really wanna shout & get angry, but I hold myself back.

How can I go about making her stop it? She said herself that it makes her feel ill when she thinks of me with other girls, so I never mention other girls, in fact I make a conscious effort to avoid all convos about sex & my exes. She isnt even on my LJ friends list cos I dont want her reading stuff about my past. Someone please help

[demonbuttercup]

Maybe if she says, something like, I had this one ex that did this super sex move.. yada yada... you can say... Yeah! I know exactly what you mean... I had this ex g/f that could give BJs like no ones business!
Well not exactly that, but you get where I am going w/ this. LOL
It is not right for her to keep bringing them up, especially if she sees it is making you uncomfortable and she even asked you not to bring up ex GFs.
She might not even realize she is doing, so you should bring it to her attention, you dont have to yell at her, just say, like Too much info, I really dont want to hear about that!!!

[Sirene]

Originally Posted by demonbuttercup

Maybe if she says, something like, I had this one ex that did this super sex move.. yada yada... you can say... Yeah! I know exactly what you mean... I had this ex g/f that could give BJs like no ones business!
Well not exactly that, but you get where I am going w/ this. LOL
It is not right for her to keep bringing them up, especially if she sees it is making you uncomfortable and she even asked you not to bring up ex GFs.
She might not even realize she is doing, so you should bring it to her attention, you dont have to yell at her, just say, like Too much info, I really dont want to hear about that!!!

She doesnt say things like that.
It's like, once I said to her "Id love to have sex with you submerged in water", & she'd say something like "I've done that, the water dribbles out like pee at the end cos it's being pushed up there". Just stuff I really would rather not hear. It's like it was gonna be something special for us both to do, even if she has done it she didnt have to tell me. It makes me feel sick.
Stuff like that. Or she once told me that she used to bleed a bit with exes cos she wasnt wet enough. I wanna say to her "Could you possibly think of 1 reason why I would wanna know that". Im gonna say that to her next time me thinks, once I say it i will await the horrible atmosphere. *sigh*

[Luvs2plzU]

08-21-2006, 06:35 PM
Sirene
How would I go about it? - Explicit

Hi, I'm new here & I have a question for the girls.
Basically, I started seeing this girl just over a month ago, we've had lots of sex but never anything too interesting because we both didn't know what what our boundaries were. As in, what each other wouldn't do.
We talked about what we wanna do to each other, she told me she wants me to cum on her ass & lick it off. I'm up for that. But I didnt tell her I wanna bust one off all over her face.

My question is, how likely is it for a girl to give you hassle about spurting on her face? I really wanna do it, & i think she's a filthy bitch, but i dont wanna piss her off or anything. She knows I wanna kiss her while she has cum in her mouth, but its not exactly the same as busting my man fat on her face is it?

How would you advise i go about this without directly asking her? It's kinda embarrassing asking directly.
Maybe I could shoot on her lips then rub it all over with my tongue?

Who knows.
Thanks in advance for replies.

Sirene.

Hey dude...it's gonna be a tough go for you...it's obvious that she's a player and experienced from your posts...I'm not sure how you will approach her comments...you'll never "change" her...so you might just get used to it!! LOL

[dancingdoc2]

> But she talks about sex with her exes too much. Yes I'm insecure.... I once shouted at her for always going on about it & she was sorry. But she's still doing it. How can I aproach this? What can I say to her? Every weekend I see her she mentions something that makes me feel crap. That makes me feel insignificant & upset. I just get quiet & don't say much, because I dont know what to say.
I dont have much confidence

Oh, do I understand this scenario. I am reminded of something I once read about women and dogs with regard to leashes. The author stated that a dog will tug against the leash until learning that that is the limit and that it can move about freely within the range set by the length of the leash. The dog is then happy and content to move about knowing the boundaries. The coorolation with women is that until a woman knows what the limits are within a relationship she will keep testing and this usually means she will push and pull by way of words and actions until the man outlines what is acceptable and not. Once he does she knows the boundaries of the relationship she settles down content to know her man will lead and protect her. Now, I know this sounds a bit 1960ish which is probably when this bit of psychology was expressed, yet it is often a true reflection of how women test their man and the budding relationship.

How this relates to you is that I believe you need to get a backbone and tell her what is acceptable and not. When you do you might just find that all this talk about prevous exploits instantly goes away. In all probability she is using this topic in an attempt to see where you are erecting boundaries; so, it is not all about your prowess or those of the other people.

> She said herself that it makes her feel ill when she thinks of me with other girls, so I never mention other girls, in fact I make a conscious effort to avoid all convos about sex & my exes.

This is a great lesson learned. As for her feelings, this may have something to do with self confidence. I think most of us wonder how we compare or stack up with someone else yet it is really a moot point because what is important to focus on is that she is with you now by choice and that should be all that matters. Once she gets this she should feel much better.

[Sirene]

Originally Posted by dancingdoc2

> But she talks about sex with her exes too much. Yes I'm insecure.... I once shouted at her for always going on about it & she was sorry. But she's still doing it. How can I aproach this? What can I say to her? Every weekend I see her she mentions something that makes me feel crap. That makes me feel insignificant & upset. I just get quiet & don't say much, because I dont know what to say.
I dont have much confidence

Oh, do I understand this scenario. I am reminded of something I once read about women and dogs with regard to leashes. The author stated that a dog will tug against the leash until learning that that is the limit and that it can move about freely within the range set by the length of the leash. The dog is then happy and content to move about knowing the boundaries. The coorolation with women is that until a woman knows what the limits are within a relationship she will keep testing and this usually means she will push and pull by way of words and actions until the man outlines what is acceptable and not. Once he does she knows the boundaries of the relationship she settles down content to know her man will lead and protect her. Now, I know this sounds a bit 1960ish which is probably when this bit of psychology was expressed, yet it is often a true reflection of how women test their man and the budding relationship.

How this relates to you is that I believe you need to get a backbone and tell her what is acceptable and not. When you do you might just find that all this talk about prevous exploits instantly goes away. In all probability she is using this topic in an attempt to see where you are erecting boundaries; so, it is not all about your prowess or those of the other people.

> She said herself that it makes her feel ill when she thinks of me with other girls, so I never mention other girls, in fact I make a conscious effort to avoid all convos about sex & my exes.

This is a great lesson learned. As for her feelings, this may have something to do with self confidence. I think most of us wonder how we compare or stack up with someone else yet it is really a moot point because what is important to focus on is that she is with you now by choice and that should be all that matters. Once she gets this she should feel much better.

Do they do this testing consciously or is it like some built in woman thing?
Another girl i used to go out with used to do it too, & I told her to shut up about it & stop talking about it, she kept on talking about it... she just kept letting slip. That couldnt have been testing because I told her to stop it & she didnt.

This girl, well... I would like to ask her to stop it, but I'm not sure how I should put it. I know once I mention it all the bad feelings I got as a result of her talking about it will come out either in anger or upsetness. I wouldn't hit a woman, so dont worry about that... just might shout or give her dagger eyes, but I wanna keep it cool, I wanna be in the right frame of mind to keep it cool. Can you offer any advice as to how I can word this?

Your advice has helped heaps, thanks for replying.

[AJinlove]

What Doc said, I want my man to talk to me. What he wants, what he doesn't want, and I'll either comply, or/and set my own rules, or tell him he is going to have to deal. You can't change your girl, I'd just sit her down and, without becoming aggrivated, tell her you don't like hearing about it. STAY CALM AND FIRM! If she listens, great! If not, brainwash her! If that is not within your means, jump and hope you can fly.

[AJinlove]

Another thought, she might not think about it. Then, politely tell her that you don't want to hear it. I, myself, once or twice have metioned to my boyfriend about my Ex's talent of removing my bra with one hand, my bad. He told me to stop, in the cutest way, and since I want to make him happy, I don't talk about it. If your girl wants to brag about her experiance, tell her to do it on LJ.

[Sirene]

Originally Posted by AJinlove

Another thought, she might not think about it. Then, politely tell her that you don't want to hear it. I, myself, once or twice have metioned to my boyfriend about my Ex's talent of removing my bra with one hand, my bad. He told me to stop, in the cutest way, and since I want to make him happy, I don't talk about it. If your girl wants to brag about her experiance, tell her to do it on LJ.

What made you tell him about your exes talent? Why did you tell him that?
It really makes me think, why would anyone tell their new partner anything about their ex & the sex life?
I can't get over it, I would never do anything like that, yet I know people all the time do it over & over. Why?

[bruins76]

If you've had a serious hear-to-heart to w/ her (when you aren't upset in the actual moment) and she has been made aware of how this make's you feel and CONTINUES to act this way you have 2 options...

1) start talking about your ex's in detail, if she hasn't a problem w/ that (which I am sure she will) then you can show her how it feels. If you have to make up stories, I'd do that just to piss her off and let her know that it hurts and give her a taste of your own medicine.

2) leave her..., break up w/ her...to be honest, she is immature if she keep's bringing up her past relationships and if she can't get the hint that it's not okay to do then you need to move on. We've all slipped on an occasion or two and accidentally bring up a past situation (not sexual necessarily or any details) but accident and 1 or 2 times is one thing, over and over...well that's just rude and making a statement that she has no regard for your personal feelings.

HIH, GL