Keeping a Guy Keen

[WildLucy]

My boyfriend and I are only having sex about once week. He just doesnt seem interested - it wasnt a big deal, I thought. Also, he spends more time out with his friends and never buys me flowers or does anything remotely romantic.

Last night, I talked to a girlfriend about this over a few bottles of wine. She said I´m mad and that her boyfriends constantly pestering her for sex and theyve been going out for two and a half years. Knowing him, as I do, I know hes far more romantic and considerate. My boyfriends a slob!

She said that Im soft and that what I need to do is stop giving him sex when he wants it. She said they have sex three or four times a week, but she always makes him beg for it, and she doesnt have sex whenever he feels like it. She said it makes him appreciate it and her, and means they have a very active sex life. The way she explained it was that when you fisrt dat a guy, he´s normally romantic, sweet and considerate, because he wants sex.

It sounds like a power game to me, and seems a bit manipulative. Is this good advice or not?

I know what the guys on here will say!

[ua322]

I'd say your BF just doesn't have much interest in sex.

[star49gp]

I'd say sometimes you have to with hold and sometimes giving in ain't bad either. But I wouldn't not do it anytime that he wants it or you might end up having no sex at all.

[greenidentity]

How about people do what pleases their partners and themselves and if it isnt working out, sit down and talk about it? See if it can turn into something wonderful?

In short: talking is good.

[ageless_gypsy]

I'm in this same situation. I have tried talking to him about it, but nothing has changed. I've also thought about the with-holding just to raise his level of apreciation slightly. As it is, whenever I want to have sex it's "later" and then "I'm too tired". When he wants it it doesn't matter how I feel. If I'm not in the mood he keeps pestering me until I give in. It isn't a huge deal yet, but it seems like all of the romance is gone.

[moose_hd]

Originally Posted by WildLucy

She said that Im soft and that what I need to do is stop giving him sex when he wants it. She said they have sex three or four times a week, but she always makes him beg for it, and she doesnt have sex whenever he feels like it. She said it makes him appreciate it and her, and means they have a very active sex life. The way she explained it was that when you fisrt dat a guy, he´s normally romantic, sweet and considerate, because he wants sex.

It sounds like a power game to me, and seems a bit manipulative. Is this good advice or not?

I would dump someone like that ... no question! I would never withhold affection or intimacy as some sort of bargaining chip.

Witholding these things may get you what you want in the short term but ultimately it positions you in opposing, defensive mindsets and sows the seeds of resentment. Yes, it is definitely a power game and will not lead to long term happiness.

This does not mean that there is nothing wrong with the situation you've described... I'm just saying that turning it into a power game is not the answer. I agree with greenidentity... you should both work together so both of your needs are satisfied. If a person does not want to satisfy their partner's need, then the partner should reconsider whether or not they want to be in that relationship.