Lonely Wife...

[HotWife]

I really don't know why I'm posting this...I think more to vent than get advice. At this point, I feel like its a lost cause. I just can't exactly talk about this most places!

I pretty much beg my husband for more sex, and I do it playfully and always give him an out. I'll put on lingerie, or even just be super snuggly on the couch, and flirt, and I always let him know in a teasing way that if he wants to wait until a little later, or even if he's too tired, that's ok.

He never seems pressured or upset, and even acts like oh yeah, man's fantasy, a wife who is always ready willing and heck even begging....but then I get NOTHING.

In the car the other day, we were talking about something and I told him how I get my mind off of boring or yucky things was to have sexual fantasies about him. You know what he said? THAT'S NICE and then moved on the conversation.

On the weekends, he sleeps in and I spend my morning alone and resentful, and then he wants to do nothing but stare at the tv together. I'm sure by mid-afternoon he'd probably say yes, but frankly at that point even I don't want to initiate sex with HIM because I'm so resentful of being less interesting then sleep. And then he stays up late and I go to bed alone (oh well, gives me some self-pleasure time at least I guess).

We have talked and talked about how this makes me feel, and tried a variety of changes. He keeps up with none. I have out and out told him that I am lonely and frustrated and that if I were single I would not be alone or lonely. I am an attractive woman who could have a partner any day of the week I wanted, and I do want. And I am not getting at home. I am so frustrated that I just want to cry and its getting to the point where I cannot get my mind off sex.

We've discussed sleep cycles, health and diet, exercise regimens and so on and how they affect you overall and your sex life. While he's not Mr Health by far, he's 31, thin, and eats relatively well.

I am just so frustrated and don't know how long I can handle this!!

[yuna5]

he's up late with who? maybe he's getting his needs met online? why would he change the conversation when you talk about sex? maybe he's annoyed with you. i'm sure you're a lovable person but maybe he's not attracted to the way you communicate and likes it better online? that's really a bad guess. have you asked him what you can do- anything- to get more sex out of him? it seems like he doesn't like when you're aggressive or talk about sex and is that something that was true from the start? did you always have sex without talking about it? maybe it's him, not you. geez, i wish i could help. i'm suspicious he's online though late...

[HotWife]

Sadly, he's just watching tv or playing (non-sexual) games on the computer. He is not computer savvy so cannot hide that type of thing! If that's what he was doing, I'd know how to turn that into me getting some...

I know he's into me, he loves me, and all that, its just like when it comes down to it, he'd rather sit around and stare at the tv. I hate that stupid tv!!!

I'm really at my wit's end. I'm not a jealous woman, a nag, a prude. I am attractive and loving. It just seems like he likes the idea of sex, but usually finds it to be too much effort. Sitting on the couch is so much easier you know. He works less than 40 hours a week and gets plenty of sleep, good meals, lots of encouragement and friendship.

[bruins76]

I am not sure if I am gonna make u feel better or not but I can SOOOOO relate to you it's not even funny. In fact, I felt like I was reading a journal entry of mine. I do the same thing, I've said the same stuff, I've tried the same stuff, I've cried, talked, yelled you name it... He is 32, in great shape etc., no excuse...I just turned 30 and I am at my peak.

I don't kow what advice to give you, I also feel like I could go elsewhere for sex & I've thought about it a lot, so many men want it daily yet mine doesn't and I do. I always make the comment to my guy how "normal" men want to get in on at least 4 times a week and he's more like 3-4 times in a month if I am lucky and it's always all about him cause we don't do it enough.

The only thing I can say is that "if" I left him yeah I could get more sex but I'd be miserable every other aspect of our relationship and I'd be lacking the affection that my guy currently give's me. I guess it's a toss up and the sex is important but not the entire relationship.

I was asked this ? by a therapist once "if your DH had a medical condition that no longer made him able to perform sexually would you leave him?" my answer was no cause that's not why we are together, it's not all about the sex, although it does help things.

Hope that helped, and know that you are not alone.

~C

[Browser]

Try getting marrage counseling, but remember that relationships are not just about sex. Some people just arn't interested. Since you're married, I would think you had noticed this.

[dancingdoc2]

He needs a wake up call and to also understand the adage that "if Mama ain't happy...ain't nobody happy!" I suggest seeing a counselor in order to learn what is really going on.

I also think that giving him an out is a copout. Grab the proverbial bull by his horns (or balls) and get it on.

[Brandye]

This is not a normal situation for a healthy marriage and a man that age. You have three alternatives:

1. Accept things as they are and live to a ripe, old, bored, sexless age.

2. Announce you are taking a lover and telling him what nights you will not be home.

3. Demand:
a. That he get a complete physical exam including a testerone level in the lab work. Go with him or get your information to the doctor.
b. Pending that outcome, marriage counselling with a competent counselor.

If he does not agree and cooperate with 3, then see 2.

[ua322]

Originally Posted by HotWife

Sadly, he's just watching tv or playing (non-sexual) games on the computer. He is not computer savvy so cannot hide that type of thing! If that's what he was doing, I'd know how to turn that into me getting some...

I know he's into me, he loves me, and all that, its just like when it comes down to it, he'd rather sit around and stare at the tv. I hate that stupid tv!!!

I'm really at my wit's end. I'm not a jealous woman, a nag, a prude. I am attractive and loving. It just seems like he likes the idea of sex, but usually finds it to be too much effort. Sitting on the couch is so much easier you know. He works less than 40 hours a week and gets plenty of sleep, good meals, lots of encouragement and friendship.

This just doesn't make any sense. Was he this way when you were dating and right after you were married? Or has this been a recent development?

[Want_to_be _better]

He should also be evaluated for depression. Many times people do not realize that depression can lead to lack of interest in most things including sex.

[ladypassion]

I have been there done that and I'm sorry to say but I got a divorce. You really need to talk to him about how you feel before it is to late. On the other hand you could end up like me with a great guy and start a career that you love. Good Luck I hope you find what you need.