Getting him to the alter?

[papurdawl]

If you havent read my other threads i'll breifly update you.
My fiancee and i have been together 3 years, were very close and spend amost all of our time together. Recently he has to relocate for work and i'm stuck at home. I recently had a misscarriage and we argue alot because of the distance and post pregnancy depression. But we are very devoted to eachother and commited.
I have alot of incecurities reguarding our future and his intentions on marrying me now. Before he relocated we had set a date a year ago for June 2007. Because of the relocation i realize that we have to postpone the wedding and have asked him when he wants to get married. He says as soon as possible, but as far as a date he says he doesnt know or says he doesnt know what i want to get married or when we have time. I feel that after three years of being together he is still unsure of when to take the plunge or that our arguments scare him about the future.

What do i do to get him back on track, I know he wants to marry me, But what do i do how do i get him to the alter? From a male point of view what could be the problem? I dont want to force him into something he doesnt want or isnt ready for, i dont want him to marry me just because i want to.

[bruins76]

First my heart goes out to you for your loss & suffering, I can't imagine how you are handling this. If I can suggest a good site for that particular issue www.babyzone.com, on their boards they have one specifically for people who have lost (or angel babies).

On the other issue at hand, getting him to the alter, you can't force someone...or can you? You can certainly make the date yourself, book the hall yourself & just take charge. If he starts to get angry or says no you can say "listen, you asked me to marry you, I have a ring on my finger...isn't this the plan?" if he start to give you reasons (i.e., excuses) you can give him the ultimatum...but be prepared that he may leave based on the consequences of that ultimatum.

My friend when through something similar. She was engaged after 2 years being w/ this guy, bought a house together the hole nine. 6 year's later & on their second house and boat etc., they were still "just engaged"...she finally booked the hall (or I should say the yatch) and he started panicking and called everything off. 4 month's later 9/11 happened, and less than 2 months after 9/11 they got married. He was scared that if thing's didn't work out he'd be stuck in a "bad marriage"...they went to seek counseling & worked on those issues. My friend said to him "listen, we've now been together for 8 years, I doubt we'll not work out, but "IF" that happens I wont make you stay, we'll part ways/divorce"....all her man wanted to know (and I know it sort of sucks to say it) was that he had a way out "just in case"... Now they've been married ever since, built their 3rd house, they are happy & doing fine.

Now I am not saying this is your fiancees' same issues but it's possible. You can either give him the ultimatum or just start booking things and see if that's what you needed to do. Some men just need a little kick in the butt to get going, KWIM?

I do hope all works out, sounds like a waste if it doesn't. Either way you don't want to be sitting around "waiting" to see if this guy wants to spend the rest of his life w/ you while you sit around waiting. That's not right. If he wants out for what ever reason (which I doubt) then don't you want it to end now rather than waste another 3 year's of your life? I'd rather move on and meet the "right one"...if that's the case.

Either way, I do hope this helped you some.

GL,
~C