Girlfriends sexual history...

[mattw2411]

My girlfriend and I have been going out for almost a year now, I recently found out that she had lost her virginity at 16 to her b/f, and has had sex with 8 different men since then. She is currently 21 year old. About half of those guys were b/f's, the other half being crushes. I was considering marriage but I'm unsure if I should. Any suggestions, also do you think she would be in the "slut" category from a guys perspective. Need an outsiders view on this. Oh and one more thing, one of those guys she had sex with because she felt sorry for him graduating high school as a virgin and he was her brothers friend. Looking for peace of mind, or some help with my descision on staying or not. Thanks.

[Pheonix_DeLoures]

If You love her and were considering marriage before you found all this out, I dont see why it's such a big deal what she has done in her past. The Past is behind, and unless she's changed as a person since you found out, or she's cheated on you, then I don't think the things she did before she was dating you are that big a deal.
That's who she was then, and you're with who she is now.

[ua322]

Has she been tested for STD's? Have you?

[Doug's]

Do you think she's "grown up" since she was having sex just because she felt sorry for the highschool virgin ?? I mean seriously, a lot of people do crazy things when they're young. Do you think she'd still do that? Do you think she is a slut NOW? Does the history really count?

[Browser]

What's your history like?

[mattw2411]

We have both been tested for STD's. History DOES count in my opinion. However my history did not include favors, but I have been with the same amount of girls that she has guys. I also didn't lose my virginity at 16...i was 18. I dunno why this bothers me so much, I guess I just can't see her doing all those guys. It's seems so against who she is. It's been running through my head for the last week, images of her with someone else before me and enjoying it....i dunno it just really sucks. And I know what your going to say, it's a feeling of insecurity...well maybe and maybe not. I can please her better than anyone has. I gave her the first real orgasm she had ever experienced...(kinda don't get how that's possible that she swears by it). To make things even harder I've been stuck in Iraq (Marine Corps) for the last 4 months. Still have 2 to go. I know she's waiting faithfully back home without a doubt, but the ideal woman i planned on sticking with hadn't been with that many guys, she just seemed to let go and spread em' for any cute guy. I guess I'm just some @sshole, but for some damn reason this is eating at me bad. It pisses me off. lol I feel like I need my head flushed of all this crap, cause I never cared about something like this before.

[WallyLlama]

Normally I take the "get over it" position on this question that's been asked plenty of times on this site. However, this time I wonder... it sounds like the issue is not so much the past events, it's the values. It sounds like what's troubling you is that she seems to have been much more "casual" about sex than you.

So... in a sense, you may need some discussion and clarification... with a forward focus. In a sense this is simple, but might not be easy.

She will need to (and probably has, since she's remaining faithful) rethink her views regarding sex - who she sleeps with and why.

You will need to rethink your definition of the "ideal woman" and realize that she won't be found in a history book, she's found in the present.

And then the two of you have to decide that each of you is less important than the ideal couple you are going to become together.

Simple.

[mattw2411]

That's exactly what I have done, she cried and felt bad...I felt bad for that, but I don't think anybody ever brought up the facts and showed her that she went outside her self and did what she did. It still bothers me but it as gotten a little bit better today. Our relationsip is good, I just am dissapointed with her. She undertsands why I'm upset, because she felt ashamed I think when we talked about it. I'm not trying to hurt her or anything but I think we both undertsand where we both are coming from. Anyway thanks for the help so far...just NEED to get past this.

[Browser]

Her past is just that: hers, and past. It is not yours. It is over. Let it lie.
Don't force her to conform to your own values.

[ua322]

Originally Posted by mattw2411

We have both been tested for STD's. History DOES count in my opinion. However my history did not include favors, but I have been with the same amount of girls that she has guys. I also didn't lose my virginity at 16...i was 18. I dunno why this bothers me so much, I guess I just can't see her doing all those guys. It's seems so against who she is. It's been running through my head for the last week, images of her with someone else before me and enjoying it....i dunno it just really sucks. And I know what your going to say, it's a feeling of insecurity...well maybe and maybe not. I can please her better than anyone has. I gave her the first real orgasm she had ever experienced...(kinda don't get how that's possible that she swears by it). To make things even harder I've been stuck in Iraq (Marine Corps) for the last 4 months. Still have 2 to go. I know she's waiting faithfully back home without a doubt, but the ideal woman i planned on sticking with hadn't been with that many guys, she just seemed to let go and spread em' for any cute guy. I guess I'm just some @sshole, but for some damn reason this is eating at me bad. It pisses me off. lol I feel like I need my head flushed of all this crap, cause I never cared about something like this before.

Seriously, if you've been with as many partners as she has, I don't see how you have a right to judge her.

Is she raking you over the coals for nailing every cute girl that gave you the opportunity?

I totally relate to your feelings, but I just don't see how you are in a position to judge her on this.