fantasy gone bad help

[amy333]

I need help....So my boyfriend (of 3 years) and I had this wild fantasy (just in bed talking) how fun it would be for him to pick up a woman and sleep with her that night and come home and tell me about it.
Well the time has come where he is asking about that fantasy. And now I am having second thoughts about this. One reason hes not gonna just pick up some "random" person, now he has someone in mind. Two we are not married I am affraid of him leaving me, but he says he wont leave me because of that he will leave me over "our" issues. I am a very insecure person, but have a strong sex drive. we have had a threesome, and I been ok with that, though she was no threat to me, i felt..........Help Am I wrong, did I but myself in a bad fantasy. do I get to say no or am I the mean girlfriend??

[dancingdoc2]

You are flirting with danger not to mention more than one other person.

Fantasies are fine as long as you do not act on them.

Let's say three of you do get together for some randy playfulness, keep in mind that you sleep with not only that other person but every other person s/he has been with. How good is that in the long run?

I'm against threesomes for a variety of reasons, besides the one above. Second among these is that unless you are having sex for sex sake, then sex and romance should be an expression of the love each of us has for the other and that does not include a third party.

If he is young and has not dated many others, then this could be a need he has to sample more of what humanity has to offer. If this is the case, then perhapse the two of you should restructure your relationship so that it is not exclusive, until such time as he has sewn all the seeds he has to sew.

[amy333]

thats the things hes been with alot of woman before me, I think I am the longest hes been with, he misses the variety maybe? I dont know? and for our age we are 30

[WallyLlama]

But you're not talking about a threesome... this is an "upgraded" fantasy in which he wants to screw somebody else and then brag to you about it.

I'd like you to read your original post again very closely and then answer this question: are you sure he's not playing off your insecurity? (I find it intereting that he's promised not to leave you over this but has implied he might over "our" issues. Isn't him screwing around "our" issue?)

Doesn't matter, ultimately. You say "no" because this is clearly not something you want to do... not to mention the fact that it goes against conventional logic and wisdom.

The age number has nothing to do with how young he is.

You both might do well to channel some of that apparent excess energy into your own relationship.

[star49gp]

no your not the only one. I have shared this fantasy of a threesome with my husband now and huny it don't matter if your married or not if he likes that idea and he leaves you for that other woman it is better your not married. Two guys are the same once you share your fantasy and you know u want to keep it a fantasy it makes it harder on them cuz they want it to happen.

[ua322]

Originally Posted by amy333

....I am affraid of him leaving me, but he says he wont leave me because of that he will leave me over "our" issues. I am a very insecure person, but have a strong sex drive......do I get to say no or am I the mean girlfriend??

Read the above excerpt again. You are in an unhealthy relationship and he is taking advantage of you.

This isn't "love".

[jamvic69]

k this is coming from a mans side of this deal and I aint saying thins becouse I want it to happen BUT one its a trust thing how mutch do you trust him what kinda guy is he personaly if my girl did that for me I would want to stay with her for the fact that she trusted me enuff to do some thing like that for me. MY gal has confroted me with this Idea as one of her fantaceys I thing when doing it it would a team effort as in pleasuring the third party not minding the limets and making it more of an effort to have a good time with it so that when its over it something you can injoy talking about beside most men talk big till it comes apon them they geet scared too so look at it as team thing pleasure is the game I dont beleave in holding back fantaceys play your card make room for new ones we only live once so play safe verry safe and injoy your life

p.s talk to more than one person that has exeraced this see what worked for them later

[nursefluffykins]

for most reasons already mentionned, i wouldnt do it...
in my opinion it just is not right, although this isn't about my morals...
for myself this kind of situation would not enhance my life... it's only a good fantasy if you both agree to it, if you're that doubtful then I don't think it will lead to positive feelings afterwards.. I really just can't see how anyone could be perfectly fine with something like that... but i guess if that was the case then it would be a "good" idea, but you don't seem fine with it... also, what has he said about the idea of you going out and having sex with a guy and then coming home to tell him about it?

[bruins76]

This is JMO so take it for what it's worth.

I think intimacy should be something that is shared w/ just 2 people that love one another, that's it... no threesomes, no bringing other people into it, no swinging or swaping partners. That's just GROSS! Not to mention way too risky in the disease department. Even if you wear a condom that doesn't prevent genital herpes since it only requires skin/skin contact & even if the person doesn't have a wart that is visible they may carry the "strand" and you could get that. Sorry, too much to risk for me.

Now my DH always "talks" about another girl (since it's every man's fantasy)...I even fantasize about having another man (DP) but again, it's fantasy. Once you cross that line & make it a reality you no longer have that respect for one another.

You say you are insecure, I don't believe that cause IF you were insecure you wouldn't have had a threesome, sorry... If you are that scared that he'll leave you based on his sexual preference (whether or not he wants another girl etc.) then it's time to find a man that actually respects you cause this man DOES NOT respect you one bit! If he does want to leave you based on sexual needs then he doesn't love you, and you are better off w/ out him.

The fact that he's even telling you that he wants to have sex w/ someone else while he's in a relationship w/ you is just disgusting to me. But you have taught him that it's okay to go there by having this threesome, we teach ppl how to treat us and I am sorry but at this point after having this threesome there is a certain respect that he must lack for you and visa versa.

This is JMO, so take it for what it's worth. Again I think it's all gross & if my man EVER said anything of the sort I'd be gone before he could complete his thought.

GL