I don't want my husband to go to strip clubs!

[nikki0390]

I don't really have friends that I can ask this question. Is it healthy in a relationship for a married man to go to strip clubs? I told him many times, and he knows I don't want him to go, but I can't get him to understand. I let him go to a strip club for his birthday. (Which I really regret). He told me he never got a chance to go before we got together, so I kind of felt like it was my fault. (He kind of said he regretted not going to one). I really don't want him to go again. I'm doing everything I can to prevent him to go. I feel that strip clubs give a false veiw of many things. Just like porn. When we got together he had no intrest (or he didn't tell me) in porn or strip clubs. Any time I watch anything that has to do with strip clubs or dancers I imagine him there. I don't like the thought of another girl that close to him. So far I have done good blocking it out but every now and then something reminds me of it. I don't know which is worse, knowing he's going to strip clubs or wondering if he is lieing about going to one.

Does anyone have advice? Is there anything I can do to convince him not to go? or to get over him going?

[Fluffer]

Well, you can try telling him you were just being nice, but the more you think about it, it reeeeally bothers you and you'd appreciate it if he didn't go. You could always go with him to see what it's like, too.

What are the clubs like around you? Some clubs they can't really "strip," meaning that they have to wear some sort of bikini bottom and pasties. If it's that kind of club, I wouldn't worry too much about it.

[Luvs2plzU]

Uhhhhhhhhhhh a strip club for some men, is the only place on earth where a woman actually takes her clothes off and has a SMILE on her face!!....LOL...if he only goes once in awhile, it should be no problem,,if he's got his OWN CHAIR there...red flags should come up...if he installs a POLE in the bedroom and buys you 6 inch high heels and plastic panties...you better RUN !!!

[nikki0390]

the strip clubs here have 2 sides. (well the nicer ones). One side is topless and you can drink, the other side is completely nude but you can't drink. You can get lap dances but you cant touch them. BUT I know of places where you can do a lot more.

If I had to buy a stripper pole and take lessons and wear high heels just to make sure he didn't go, I would do it. That’s what I don’t understand. Its not like he's not getting any. And I know I'm pretty. Yes I could lose some weight but he's not exactly a super model either. Plus I’m trying to do more things for him to keep him happy.

I guess I’m too I’m afraid to go to a strip club with him because I’m so self conscious though.

Grr!

[WallyLlama]

Interesting... we could pretend he's on the forum and posts,

"Is there any way I can convince my wife to let me go to strip clubs?"

And we could answer the same to both posts.

NO

You're going to have to figure this out together... The one thing that can be said with certainty is that it's TOO BIG AN ISSUE - or could become that.

You'll have to figure out your fears... you'll have to ask him why he likes going (and believe what he tells you)... and somwhere in the middle it'll work itself out if you both want it to.

I'd say it's not unhealthy for him to go... but it is unhealthy for you and him to have an issue/difference that's unresolved. Doesn't matter if it's strip clubs or church, really.

The key here is that you don't get caught in "I'm right; you're wrong." You're probably both right and you're probably both wrong. The question is what are the real issues and concerns and how are you together going to resolve things.

[Brandye]

Nice response, Wally. Now from a woman: no, hell no and no damned way are you going to hang around strip clubs. End of discussion.

[?wiseman?]

I agree as well Wally. What always bothers me, in a relationship like this, is why one partner would completely ignore the pain and angst that they're causing the other?

You also have another course of action that may help solve your insecurity as well as smack some sense into your husband.

Next time he says he wants to go to the club, tell him "OK, hold on while I get my purse. I'm coming too."

[Fluffer]

Nikki, how many times has he gone to the strip club? Sounds like you said he could go for his birthday and now he wants to go again, but you don't want him to go. Or has it become a habit?

[WallyLlama]

Ummm.... I think there's another post (same poster) about this... and it seems this is an anti-strip club rant more than a marital issue.

That's almost too bad, because it would have been an interesting one to try to resolve. LOL

[ua322]

Originally Posted by nikki0390

If I had to buy a stripper pole and take lessons and wear high heels just to make sure he didn't go, I would do it. That’s what I don’t understand. Its not like he's not getting any. And I know I'm pretty. Yes I could lose some weight but he's not exactly a super model either. Plus I’m trying to do more things for him to keep him happy.

I would just tell him what you told us in the quote above. If you are trying to keep things spicy in the bedroom, then he shouldn't have any excuse to go.

He doesn't realize how good he's got it.