how can i get her back???

[brandonintn27]

I have a very long story. Me and my girl have been together for almost 12 years and we have 3 children together. we have both cheated on each other from early on because we were only 15 when we started this relationship. First off, ever since we started going out her sister has tried to break us up. It started by her telling me that my gf was cheating and stuff. Then it evolved into flirting which i told my gf about. Then she said i had sex with her and she was underage at the time and i was about 18.
Well that story come about 4-5 years ago and we broke up. Well i wanted her back and she was seeing someone else. I talked to her and she said even if i was lying to just tell her i did it so she would feel better and like a dummy i did. Well, things went on for a month or two then we got back together. Well things went along and then things were going really good we had just moved into our house which is paid for. We got the kids out in the country where they can play. Everyone was happy... i thought. Then I let her go out for her birthday which was in march. She went out with one of her friends and ended up meeting some guy. she seen him 3 times that week "getting pills from him". In the mean time her sisters told her that i had slept with her more than once. Then i found out she was seeing him. well, we tried to work things out for 3 months and then I find out that she was seeing him the whole time. I'm am a big family man though i may have not been in the past. so i try to work it out again. she leaves and says its all because i "supposedly slept with her sister". It's been 3 weeks now and i miss her and it's tearing the kids apart. they don't realize what's going on because they are only 3, 6, & 9. I want her back so much and I want to be a normal family. i know i have done wrong in the past, but i'm am honestly a changed man. i realize what i had and i took advantage of it in the past. she says she can't make up her mind between me or him. What do i do? how do win back her love. i am trying to give her everything. i'm good in bed. i like to spend time with her. We have a house that's paid for. our cars are paid for. i give her all the material things she wants. i thought i was being there for her otherwise too, but i guess i was wrong. Why is she throwing all this away? she just keeps me stringing along too. What do i do?????

[Explorer]

It seems like you are too steady for her. She needs an adventure. She is a lively person isn't she? Probably has more energy than you?

I sometimes feel like I have the same problem, but I'm the lively one. It feels like I'm dragging her behind me, dragging her along.

I think she is wrong to tear up the kids, she should find another way of desiding between you. Ask her if being with you is important for her. Ask what is important for her, which values, even if you think you know the answer.

[WallyLlama]

Explorer may well be on to something about her needing adventure... and I'd stir in that her relationship with her sister is a bit off the wall, almost as if she continues to to be closer to her sister than her husband.

Frankly, you both have some issues and it sounds like you've never really grown the relationship beyond the 15 year old level. She's acting like a spoiled brat and you are trying to keep her happy by spoiling her. You keep giving her "everything she wants" (including lying to her when she asked you to) and she keeps wanting more.

You're not going to fix this without some help.