I tried to be nice & I think I got screwed!

[bruins76]

Last weekend I told DH(darling hubby) "why don't you go out w/ the guy's this weekend" he was shocked..I even said "if you guy's go out for drinks and you can't drive home stay at Greg & Erin's house and come home in the morning". He was very surprised...thought I was up to something (which I wasn't). I did mention that Saturday night was our annual family firework's at the lake.

So all week come's and goes, keep in mind that I've had a sick baby in & out of the hospital and I've had NO sleep or relief what so ever, haven't been out of the house.

Last night he says to me "I think I'm gonna go fishing w/ John this weekend"... so I said "sounds fine"...he proceed's to say "well I'd leave on Saturday morning and come home Sunday night"...

Long story short I am PISSED OFF... I told him to go out w/ his friends yes... whether it was a night thing or a day thing, pick one, but not BOTH and 48 hours worth!

Then he get's mad at me saying that "fine, I wont' go and do anything, first you tell me to go and now you don't want me to go". I told DH "apparently I wasn't clear when I said to go out w/ your pals, next time I'll be specific and tell you that after work meet your pals for dinner around 6-7p, shoot pool for a couple of hours, drink some beers and by midnight if you are still going and have had too much to drink, call me and tell me that you are staying at Greg's house and come home in the morning after you wake up OR if you haven't had too much to drink come home and I'll see then".

Is he a child that I have to give him detail by detail play?
Anyways...I am pissed off, if I tell him NOT to go I'll be the witch wife who doesn't let her DH do anything after I "supposively told him to go and do what ever" or if he stay's home cause he doesn't want to piss me off then he's staying home out of guilt. Now he says "I don't know if I want to go cause I am sure I'll be paying for this for the rest of my life or I'll come home and bags will be packed or you'll be gone".

Okay...now I am VERY mad, but I am not gonna leave him for it. If I was gonna leave him for something it would have been for ALL the other thing's that he's put me through.

Plus it's a FAMILY weekend thing on Saturday night...why wouldn't he want to celebrate that w/ us?

You know what anger's me here? I have NO friggin' time to myself, none! I do EVERYTHING in this house and wait on his arse hand & foot. I felt badly last week cause between the ex-witch taking almost all his money and the stress that I'd tell him to go out and chill w/ his pals. Do you think he's said to me "honey, you've been up for the past 2 months w/ a newborn, you're exhausted, your first son is trying to hurt the baby and you are dealing w/ that, you are going thru PPD and I think YOU need an afternoon off"... Do you think he's thought of that? Do you think he'll return the favor? NOPE, I doubt it.

I said to him last weekend after I said "go out w/ the boys".. "honey, since you have a 4 day weekend off from your work, maybe you could dedicate a few hours to just the two of us?" would that have killed him? what about OUR relationship? Does it matter that it's going in the tubes?

Anyways...what would you guy's do...tell your them to go on their stupid weekend trip and let it go or would you say "no way".

Need some HONEST opinions here...

~Tilly

[Luvs2plzU]

Originally Posted by bruins76

Last weekend I told DH(darling hubby) "why don't you go out w/ the guy's this weekend" he was shocked..I even said "if you guy's go out for drinks and you can't drive home stay at Greg & Erin's house and come home in the morning". He was very surprised...thought I was up to something (which I wasn't). I did mention that Saturday night was our annual family firework's at the lake.


I said to him last weekend after I said "go out w/ the boys".. "honey, since you have a 4 day weekend off from your work, maybe you could dedicate a few hours to just the two of us?" would that have killed him? what about OUR relationship? Does it matter that it's going in the tubes?

Anyways...what would you guy's do...tell your them to go on their stupid weekend trip and let it go or would you say "no way".

Need some HONEST opinions here...

~Tilly

Seriously?? I'd really advise a trip to the family counsellor so that the both of you can "get you " sometime off and more help from hubby....now on to what brought "this" particular situation up... ..you said and I quote..." "why don't you go out w/ the guy's this weekend"...as those words leave your mouth and eventually penetrate a males ears and BRAIN...nothing you say AFTER that is heard or understood....the male brain is so busy processing this most unlikely situation that no other information can be taken in...so you said why don't you go out with the guys this weekend,,,NIRVANA BABY...all he understood was weekend...ticket outta here,hasta lavista,...all the rest you were saying didn't get processed...yes if he had a conscience he may have revisited the situation BEFORE even taking you up on the offer of going away...it's like playing fetch with your dog...you throw a bone for your dog to chase about 30ft BUT the "silly" dog forgets that there is only a 15ft chain!!...anyways I find it abit odd that he would need you to plan his social life even when it appears you are trying to do something nice for him...there will be no right or wrong answer from this board....but really really try to seek some counselling...it'll help I hope you two can find some peace this weekend!!...

[WallyLlama]

Yep...! Big flashing lights: "Talking to each other is not necessarily communicating." The point of a counselor is hopefully that he or she will make your words become accurate messages that are understood.

The "I wish he would" game is destructive because you are playing the game alone. It needs to be "I wish YOU would..." and "I need..." You can't give him something and secretly hope that he'll give you the same thing back. There's just too much guesswork involved because you're not communicating. Maybe he didn't really want to go for the weekend but did because he thought you wanted him to! He's right that you've put him in a can't win situation, partly because he hasn't been told the "rules."

Should he be more sensitive? Probably. But when these situations develop into a who's right and who's wrong quiz everybody fails because in the final analysis everybody is right and everybody is wrong.

Given that it's Saturday I'm not sure you have many options. But if you both want, that lack of options doesn't matter -- and it doesn't matter what the outcome is this weekend.

What matters is that you both own up to contributing to an unhealthy misunderstanding about the weekend and a relationship that needs some work. What also matters is that you both decide to start communicating and making decisions together.

[ua322]

Sounds to me like you're upset about a general lack of attention and appreciation from him. This weekend is just one weekend; it's not the real root problem. But it's the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.

From reading a few of your posts today, it's obvious that you feel your husband has time for everybody and everything except for you. And you might be right.

That's not an unusual problem and I personally know several men who fit that mold. Has he always been this way or has he evolved to that over the years?

If he's always been that way, I don't see him changing.

[darkphoton]

with men you have to be litteral, men tend to talk a variant language than women

[Fluffer]

Amen to that, darkphoton!

Okay, I'm reading a book on listening and he obviously wasn't listening, BUT you need to be more specific, too. A lot of times we say one thing, but there's a whole 'nother part of what we didn't say that we just want the other person to intuitively pick up on. Unfortunately, most of us aren't that bright. Part of communication is being able to calmly express your feelings and listen to what the other person has to say as well, without getting defensive.