Marriage too soon?

[countryboy123]

My girlfriend and myself have been dating for almost a year now and I love her with all my heart. She means alot to me and we are very close. Lately I have been thinking about asking her to marry me. I am 19 and she is 17. I will be starting my 2nd year of college and she will be a senior in high school. I have every intention on both of us graduating college before we get married. Do any of you guys think that only one year of being together is enough time? Help me fast please.

[orchid]

can't really help you there. my boyfriend and i are both 19, in college, and have been together almost a year. we have been talking about marriage too, but we figured if we are planning on spending the rest of our lives together (and not even get married until after we graduate) then why rush an engagement. most people would say it's too soon, and we're too young anyways. (and almost for that small chance that that's true, then you'd only have an ex girlfriend, not ex fiancee). i think maybe if you feel that strongly, make the commitment to each other, but leave it "unofficial" (meaning no actual ring). or do just a promise ring.

[dancingdoc2]

I agree.

Spend the next four or five years building a solid relationship, keeping in mind that at 17 she still has much of life to experience and that includes other men if she is to round out and complete her character. As she continues to grow, mature, and gain life experience she is very likely to have much different likes and dislikes in the near future and this could include the type of person and personality she wants. The same may well hold true for you during the next coupla-three years.

I do not doubt the love you have for each other, yet realistically and statistically, most people your age do not remain together for the long term. If you do, great! If you were my children, I would encourage the two of you to date others as well as each other in order to sample more of what humanity has to offer.

L o n g engagements are foolish. It is very tough to work on a marriage, a job, and do homework and have much if any time for a life together. If you are indeed meant to be together, then be together after college, not during. Life will be difficult enough without burdoning yourselves needlessly. With this stratagy, the one year mark becomes a moot point.

I would not suggest getting married until you have a secure job and money in the bank and a nice savings account established, for openers. It is not wise to marry someone with little more than the clothes on your back. Except for any student loans, you should have no major debts except for perhaps an automobile. If you have credit cards, pay them off before ever saying "I Do". Get a nice nest egg going so as a couple you have some wiggle room in case of unexpected and unforseen expences. So, if your goal is to get married in four or five years, begin socking away money now, even if it is only a few dollars a month.

The next thing the two of you need to do before popping the question is to have some discussions on your priorities and goals and division of labor. Things like:
* Religion
* How many children and what spread
* Will she be a stay at home mom or will you farm them out for a stranger to raise for you
* Who will take out the trash
* Will you work together as a team to take care of the daily business of life or will you come home, plop down in front of the TV with a beer and tune out
* Who will take charge of the finances, the budgeting, and the discretionary income
* Who will do the cooking, cleaning, and washing (Hint, you better say we'll share)
+ these and so much more..........

Come to an agreement or a negotiated settlement on these and only then consider popping the question no more than nine months before expecting to say "I Do".

[bruins76]

I think it's too soon cause when you are in high school your mind is in a different place. Even in college. I know SOOO many people (friends & myself) who were in "serious" relationships, some of us got engaged and some parted separate ways but out of a group of 80 kids' that graduated in our class (private small school) only 1 couple that were dating in high school/college actually got married to their partner, well 2 but the other already got a divorce and they were together for 8 years.

I guess what I am saying is that until she's experienced the "college life" I'd wait...if after she's experienced the college life and you feel the same way etc., then go for it.

You could always give her a promise ring, I know it's not the same and some may think it's "stupid" but hey...if I were in her shoes at her age and happy etc., I'd love it!

Hope this helped, GL
~C

[ILoveDaniel]

Originally Posted by countryboy123

My girlfriend and myself have been dating for almost a year now and I love her with all my heart. She means alot to me and we are very close. Lately I have been thinking about asking her to marry me. I am 19 and she is 17. I will be starting my 2nd year of college and she will be a senior in high school. I have every intention on both of us graduating college before we get married. Do any of you guys think that only one year of being together is enough time? Help me fast please.

Hey, the choice is all up to you honestly. My boyfriend gave me a promise ring at a young age (won't specify lol) and we're still together, almost 2 years on November 23rd. If you're thinking that it's too soon then maybe it IS too soon! Do what your heart tells you to. I'm a senior in high school, I'm 17 now, my boyfriend is 18 and he was held back a while ago so he's a Junior now.

[Brandye]

Sounds to me like you have nearly six years before you will both graduate college. Why rush things now?

[WallyLlama]

Based on your other posts, you are moving way too fast on the marriage question and perhaps for the wrong reasons.

Concentrate on the relationship. Since you've already decided not to marry until after college, don't let the marriage question confuse and interfere with the relationship!

[Fluffer]

DO NOT GET MARRIED!!! DON'T EVEN PROPOSE!!! Just keep the relationship going, if that's what you both want, but you are too young to be making a LIFELONG commitment like that.

How much have your tastes changed in the past year or so, about anything? When we're young, it's a great time for trying new things, learning about life and growing. You barely know yourself at that age, let alone the person you are thinking of committing your life to. Why rush into it if things are fine as they are? Personally, I've come to the conclusion that people should not be allowed to marry until they're 30!!

[ua322]

What's the rush? You sound like you're unsure about the relationship and you are needing some kind of confirmation about her commitment.

At 17 and 19, you guys are too young to even know who you truly are yet. Don't jump the gun on this. Just enjoy being together and let things happen naturally.

[TommyPinchaloaf]

Not to scare you but i had friends who dated in high school and were close to marrying each other after college, until she admitted to screwing one of our close friends many times over a long period of time. The best advice for both of you is to learn who you really are as individuals before starting a lifelong commitment. Life is not a race.