Is this a reason to breakup/cheat?

[bruins76]

I've been w/ my man for 2 years, we just had a baby together in May and we each have children from a previous relationship/marriage. Our live's are busy and chaotic. I love my guy more than word's can explain but everytime we have sex lately (the past year) it seem's like if it's not initiated by me it's a chore to him. Seem's like he'd rather masturbate on his own than come to me. I've caught him looking at porn on the web and on TV, which I don't have a problem w/ but since he's not trying to please me I don't get it. I have a VERY high sex drive (always have) and him...well...not so much. I told him that if he was ever "in the mood" after I had the baby to come to me and I'd take care of him orally (which I've been told often enough that I am good at my craft)...instead he'd rather go into the livingroom and wack off alone. I don't get it. I am a warm body that he loves (tell's me so daily and how he couldn't live w/ out me) in the next room waiting and willing yet he'd rather wack off to some porn on HBO. So I decided to take a handle of things, I canceled our HBO plan (I pay all the bills cause we also have a house we purchased together and he is paying for the mortgage there) so I thought, here I am paying almost $30 a month more for my man to wack off in another room? then I put a block on my PC (password protected) to keep him from viewing that stuff online.

The thing is, if he was taking care of MY needs in the bedroom at least 1 time per week I wouldn't care what he looked at on line or on TV, in fact I'd join in since I have a nice DVD collection of my own but he doesn't, he'd rather take care of himself all by himself than come to me.

I've asked him straight out "do you not love me anymore? do you not find me attractive in that way anymore?" many times and he tell's me I am acting crazy and making thing's up in my mind. Meanwhile...he's not into having sex at all. We used to have sex (at our peak) maybe 1-2 times per week if that. Once I became pregnant it was 1 time every 2 1/2 weeks and it was ALWAYS initiated by me.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I love him, I have never cheated on him and the thought of leaving him cause of this kill's me. At the same time I feel that sex is a big part of a relationship and the fact that I am not getting it hurt's me more. I was given the "okay" from my doc to resume sex over 2 week's ago and my man has YET to even attempt or try to have sex w/ me yet. I feel so horrible about myself, I feel rejected and gross. I've NEVER felt this way, I've always had to pry men off of me and have NEVER had a problem in the dating life.

This is the first man I can honestly say that I want to spend the rest of my life w/ but at the same time I am not sure if I can handle the lack of sex in our relationship. What do I do? How can I get it back? I've talked to him about this MANY times and he tell's me that he has no drive (he's got a VERY demanding job and life) and I understand that it play's a roll but c'mon, enough is enough. He has got to do something.

I finally told him today "honey, why don't you go out this upcoming weekend w/ the boys and if you need to spend the night at their house (cause of the alcohol and driving) that's fine"...he was shocked, so shocked he called me and said "are you planning on leaving me and taking the kids away?" This is how out of the norm this suggestion is from me.

I dunno what else to do, I don't want to leave him, I don't think cheating is the answer, I am sick and tired of masturbating on my own...it's old especially when I want to be intimate w/ my who is sleeping next to me.

I am hurt that I have to send my man away for a weekend to "relax" so I can make sure he's okay. I am lost and to be honest in tears w/ everythign that has been happening. What else can I do?

Any suggestions or thoughts are welcome,
~C

[Brandye]

Do you want a sexless marriage from this point forward? Are you both willing to see a marriage counselor? And lay it out specifically? Not many other alternatives, are there?

[bruins76]

Last night when we were laying in bed he asked me a million times "what was wrong"....asked "why are you being so cold to me?" then he said "when are you planning on leaving me?" so finally I let it out...told him that I loved him but I didn't feel connected to him physically which ultimately affect's how I feel about him emotionally, that going thru the motions will eventually cause us to "fall out of love" and "lose that spark"... Then he said "you just had a baby, I know your still bleeding cause I see the tampons/pads in the trash and I don't want to have sex w/ you when you are bleeding". (TMI, sorry)
Then I said "we've had sex when I was bleeding or on my period MANY times, what's different about this time?" I had an IUD inserted and the doc said that I could bleed/spot on and off for the next 3-9 months and possibly only have 1 week a month off from bleeding...sucks. I told him "either you get over the bleeding thing or we'll never have sex again".

This morning I decided to put on all the "moves" on him and let's just say our dry spell ended on a pleasant note. I got me some...gosh I feel good today, it's amazing how sex can make you feel on cloud 9. I love him today, I am not angry or annoyed, I actually want to talk to him and can't wait for him to come home tonight. Anyways, I hope this is a sign that thing's are gonna turn for the better cause I don't know what else I'd do.

I've mentioned counseling MANY time's to my guy, let's just say he always has an excuse. He had a crappy marriage w/ his ex-wife and did everything (counseling etc) and it never resolved things. I think he's paranoid that doing thing's like this w/ me wont get thing's resolved based on his past. Another reason we should go to counseling.

THanks for the tips!
~C