our first 3some with another man

[screwed up4 life]

my wife and i decided we would try a 3some and invited another man to play with us.we've been together 14 yrs and love each other deeply.we set up rules such as no kissing on the lips etc.well that night came.we had a wonderful time.it was hot seeing my wife so hot over me and another guy.and to see her losing control when hew penetrated her was great.he was WAY over average in penis length and width.i'm average and he was double my size.it didn't bother me in the least.i was happy she could enjoy a really hug one for once in her life.that night between all 3 of us lasted about 4 hrs.then my wife and i went home and we had more sex for another 3.5 to 4 hrs.all was great.we talked about it and we both had no regrets.i made a mental note not to ask if he was better than i or anything like that,cuz it probably would be an answer i don'y want to hear.well,2 days later while talking about,which did alot cuz it was hot,i asked her what was the greatest about him?harmless question.well,ahe answered"he hit the spot more easily and more often than you.in fact he hit every time while you didn't" that hurt me so much.i never wanted a comparison between us.why did she answer like that?why would she say something so hurtful?i was only asking about him and she made it into a comparison with me on the losing end.i feel so hurt right now.i can't go to work.i can't concentrate on anything.the visuals i was seeing in my head from that experience that used to turn me on have now turned into nightmares.i won't have sex with her again.can't even change in front of her.i feel totally lost.can someone please help me??am i overreacting to this?did the question i ask merit this reponse?could it be she has some unresolved anger towards me and lashed out at the perfect time?what can i do now?i feel like less of a man.and i was fine with him being so huge until she showed me i was nothing in comparison.sorry this is so long,but can someone please chime in?thx

[Brandye]

There are many threads here on the wonders of wanting a threesome. The posts on having had a threesome are mostly in the tone of yours. Threesomes may make for good fantasy but they are disasters for many marriages. People in swinging clubs do it regularly; most are terrible marriages.

There is little you can do at this point. On an adjacent thread, Wally makes some wonderful observations to someone planning a threesome. Read that.

Time heals all wounds and it may heal this one. Whether you will still have a wife and family at the time of healing, no one knows. She may well forget the whole thing about the larger penis hitting all the right spots; you will not. The healing will have to come from within you. If these thoughts are impinging on work and other relatiosnhips, it is time to see a counselor. Lay it all out. This will likely lead to marriage therapy or divorce counselling. You and your wife will determine which.

[PenguinPrnc09]

NO don't stop having sex and being intimate! she'll get tierd of not getting any and you'll break up!!! you have to show her who's the man! prove to her that you are better than the other guy you two did it with!! your depressed by what she said...maybe she didn't mean it and only said it so u would try harder to please her!! you should keep making love to your wife! don't let her think that she can get better! **** HER BRAINS OUT!! make her want you so bad she can't stand it! eat her out alot girls like that! shove your tongue in as far as u can go! same with you penis! go on her hard! BE THE MAN! lol don't let that other guy get the to be the climax god! thats your position in her life! just show her that u are better than him and watch her reation in a mirror or sumthing if u can't see it with your own eyes!

[screwed up4 life]

i am screwed up 4 lifes wife. i love my husband very much and it kills me what i've done to him. he did ask me what i liked about the other guy and i told him that he hit the "spot" eaiser and more often. and unfortanatly i waited until the next day to explain to him that yes that was good, butas far as i'm concerned that doesn't mean anything to me. while it felt good, i need more than that, things that he can give me. maybe it's just me- but when that spot is hit and that's the only feeling your getting it gets annoying. i need to feel other things as well. like the way i can feel him rubbing against me, the way he hits my clit with his pelvic bone, the way his balls hit my ass, the way he thrust. that's what makes him so amazing. and he does hit that spot as much as i need him to. i know i ****ed things up and i've lost him forever.maybe if i told him right awy instead of waiting until the next day.

[screwed up4 life]

i also forgot to mention that i also need the fact that my husband is rock hard all the time and that is also why it feels so amazing with him.and the other guy was too soft ' an i need it hard.

[Brandye]

It sounds like you two may be better off talking this through with some help. There are clear undertones of feelings of inadequacy and dissatisfaction. Those can be worked out.

[screwed up4 life]

i don't understand.i had no problems before.iwas very self assured and confident about myself,my penis and my lovemaking skills.but that was before she sot me down.i think i'm feeling the same as any man would after hearing this from the woman they love.the hardest part for me is that i never asked a question that would have her comparing us.she volunteered that information unprovoked.i do love her dearly,but i feel we have now crossed the point of no return.i cannot stay in this marriage likr this.she will no longer look like the beautiful woman i married.when i look at her,for the rest of my days,ahe will be the one who told me i don't match up.how can i possibly live like that?i wish their was some magical way to overcome this,but there is not.she was my soul mate and i will never love another in the same way as i love her.but the pain is unbearable and i see no way for it to subside.it's just that there wqas no reason for this attack on me.we weren't fighting or anything.maybe she has a piece of her that hates me for something i don't know about.she says she didn't realize it would hurt me,but come on,what man could stand that kind of attack?

[screwed up4 life]

well.i'm ready to pack my bags but my heart is not in it.i haven't cried this often in a long time.i feel my world collapsing around me

[Luvs2plzU]

This is gonna be harsh...but STEP up to the plate pal....As you make your bed, so you must lie in it....the resulting feelings you have are very bitter and I can understand.....go see a professional marriage therapist...seriously, they will help you if you want help...if you choose to leave this relationship, every other relationship you enter, you'll have the same subconscious thoughts about if this partner has had BIGGER...it will never change...so since BOTH of you AGREED to this 3 some...you have to give the benefit of doubt to your wife...it's not like she went behind your back and nailed some guy, got caught and said...oh his framazama was huge and banged me better than you ever did....that didn't happen...at that point you could go koo-koo...this situation was different, you just DON'T like the result...okay fair...there is a difference between f___king and making love...guess which one is the MOST gratifying and fulfilling...you have the inner strength....draw on it...PeaceOUt...

[screwed up4 life]

first off.did you not read what i wrote??i had no problem with him being bigger than me.i loved the threesome and wanted to do it again.it was the information she volunteered to me saying he did things much better than i cuz of his bigger size.so what are you talking about.next time READ THE WHOLE THREAD.she now admits she wanted me to get hurt by what she said for her own reasons.had nothing to do with the fact that i can't hanle the threesome cuz i had no problem then or after until i was told how much worst i made her feel.