Going away for a month

[LittleFury]

Hello my pretties. I know I have been pretty silent. I've been trying to survive law school. Anyways...
I am going away at the end of the month for a month and 1 day. I'm going alone. My fiance and I have been together for almost 3 years, and the only time we were apart was this April then he went home for a week while I had to stay behind becuase of school. There is no way around it, he can't come, he got work and school. And I cannot stay, I'm taking a few classes abroad.
So, I am somewhat scared. I know it might be somewhat easier this time, since I'll be traveling, instead of staying home alone where he should be. But I am still somewhat scared. I'm not scared of him cheating. But I can't help being scared of change. I know that I will somewhat change. I'll be more confident, I'll have an experience of being on my own, no parent, no partner. Just me for a month. I'll also will survive being in a country where i can get blow up at any moment. (And yes, my friends already checked whether or not I'm suicadal )
I just wonder of what I outta do. What rules should we establish. How to handle this? I've never been away from him for that long.
Sorry that this is long. It's 4 am, and we both are still up, and I just can't get those thoughts outta my mind.

[WallyLlama]

Hmmm... which is more difficult -- law school or a thirty day separation period?

Let's focus on what you identify as your big fear. Everyone is scared of change. Some don't admit it; many don't even know they fear it.

The fact that you recognize change is likely is a huge plus. And it certainly makes sense to find it unsettling so to some extent, just allow that.

Forgive a business example, but one reason "mission statements" became popular with organizations was that it allowed a certain degree of change management. By knowing what the organization stands for and hopes to achieve, it becomes possible to stay focused.

You'll be more confident... how will that influence your relationship? How do you WANT it to influence your relationship? (Of course you'll be better able to answer that question if you know what your relationship is... and I don't mean simply that you're going to get married. I mean the nitty-gritty stuff, how you relate to each other and who the two of you are as a couple.) I'd suggest you don't lose sight of the fact that you have huge power over events and experiences. Fundamentally, nothing about the "you" as a couple will change... you'll just grow together.

Of course that doesn't mean you won't miss each other horribly, worry about each other... Hopefully you'll get a bunch of practical suggestions... how to stay in touch... things you can do that will make you each feel close and connected. But the most important thing is to remember that you (both) are dealing and coping and that you both get to determine the outcomes.

Some people are pretty far apart even though they live together. And some people are pretty damn close even though they are far apart.

Just keep yourself in the second group... I think I know you well enough to know that you are a pretty determined person. So just be you.

I would not, however, recommend taking a sword.

Hugs from Wally and Lori

[learning]

Hi Littlefury, wise words from Wally.

Due to business I travel for between 12 and 20 days per trip anything between 4 and 6 times a year. My situation is somewhat different in that i am married though.

Time apart really is what you make of it. Will you have any access to a means of communication, whether it be instant or delayed? This just obviously allows for some communication and keeps contact.

I agree with Wally that the "you" of the 2 of you will be the same, time apart may allow or provide a "growth" opportunity for you (but this you seem to have already recognized) and possibly even both of you. Having been together for three years I believe it safe to assume that your relationship has (within reason) been tried and tested (and as they say in the classics "Stood the test of time") and as such some time apart should be nothing to fear.

With regards to "ground rules", my wife and I established only two "Rules" with regards to me travelling....
1. Make contact or let know when I am safe at the destination.
2. Do not do or participate in anything that would require "explaining" on my return.

The above two Rules have kept us in good stead for about 10 years now, the first 6-7 years I was travelling alot to participate in my sport (about 10 trips a year of about 5-7 days per trip) and in the last 3 years trips as per my intro.

Good luck and enjoy!

[LittleFury]

Thanks guys. I'll keep all of that in mind. I will have an access to computer and outta be able to call. But I might have to limit it if I want to stay with other people and be safer.
I know becoming more confident is a good thing. It is just so scary to be apart for a month, and thinking that he might decide that he's better off living along and that he doesn't need me. And I shouldn't worry about it, we have been through a lot together, including him quitting smoking. Now that was some test.
So far our ground rules are that as leaning say, I have to let him know I got there safe. The other is, that if either of us make any drastic decision while apart, we are going to give ourselves a month before making that change.
I guess I shouldn't worry, but I just can't help it. It will be so strange being without him for that long. I'll even miss his snoring.
And Wally...don't worry about swords. My interested changed from being a sharp and pointy objects. I am now a ... gun nut I won't take mine with me. I'll just take bacon bits

[WallyLlama]

LOL... hmmm... now guns I can actually talk about. And - while guns can eliminate a lot of worry in some situations, this is probably not one of them.

Just relax and eat your bacon.

[demonbuttercup]

Aww
Well you will be greatly missed Fury!!!
I am sure you will have a great time and everything will work out

Is it safe for a lawyer to carry a gun? lol

[LittleFury]

Oh yes. It was actually one of the conditions between my fiance and I. That if I got into law school, we were to have guns in the house. Well...he did get me a gun for Xmas. And now...from that... I sort of want at least a dozen guns in every room of my house I'm not taking it with me to Israel though. I have to leave my baby behind...sniff sniff... I'm really really going to miss my sweet and sexy gun...sniff sniff
I'll still be able to get online, just not much as I normally get. I am looking forward to the trip.

[WallyLlama]

I'm not sure we should be discussing this on 101... although you do seem to be having somewhat of a relationship with your "baby." LOL I'd also encourage you not to post too much... (one of my favorite sayings lately is "that's why it's called CONCEALED carry).

If you haven't, I'd encourage you to read up a little on armed defense... I can make some recommendations and even suggest a couple web sites. (Can never remember if we're allowed to do that in posts.)

Mine is not sexy.

But it does go "bang." LOL

Only a couple of weeks to go...? Will you post once in a while here? Some of us are going to be worried...

[LittleFury]

I'll post once in a while. It all depends on if I can get wireless in the hotel or not. But I'll get on at least once a day, except if I'm going during the weekend on tour.
I'm gonna be super busy until I leave early on the 27th. I will appreciate any help with figuring out how to pack and what to pack though As this is my very fight longer than a week trip, espeically outta US.
But don't worry, I'll be safe. I'll have bacon on me