Is not enough sex a good justification for cheating?

[Matador]

Ok, Last night I had sex with a prostitute. Not that I never had sex with one. But is the first time after I got married. She went to visit some relatives for a month and I got tired of watching porno movies and using my hand, so I went to strip club met some girl and end up having sex with her.
After that I have some mix emotions that I can't explain. On one hand, I'do realy feel guilty, for cheating on my wife like that. I don't think I'm going to tell her, she doesn't deserve this. Even when we have our share of problems, we get along realy good, and I love her.
But in the other hand, I realy feel depress not because I cheated but because I liked having sex with that girl. It's a long time since I had a good session of sex with my wife, and I almost forgot what is like the feeling of a warm and well lubricated vagina caresing you at every push. I didn't remember also what was like having a good bj, the feeling of some one sucking your penis and licking it as if it it was the greatest thing in the world. And you know what the worst part is? It wasn't that great, I mean the girl was a professional, but that's it, she just did her thing and left, she wasn't that good looking, just cute, and it was just sex, THANKS GOOD it was just sex. Why? Because if I had had sex and little bit of the other stuff with some one, that some would get me all the way. That make me realize how much I realy miss making love, I miss the sweet talking and licking on the ear while having intercourse, the kissing and exploring each other body until there is no more where to look. The good feelings of knowing that your partner in bed is happy after sex and even better that you are more than happy. I miss that, and I feel that any one that can provide a bit of that might get me in to trouble.

Is not that I don't love my wife, I do, I realy do. Is just that (as many others in this forum) we don't have sex very much (maybe is just me...) and when we do, is like she is doing a job, I hate to compare her with a prostitute, but I think a non professional will do it just the same, just bad attitude and no copperation is the policy. At least the street girl will agree to doit in any position I like, my wife refuses to do many things I enjoy. I try to talk to her, in many ways, nice and calm, but she always end up getting mad at me and deffensive. I try finding out what turns her on, and I keep crashing down. I'm even thinking that foreplay or not the result is always the same, so I might well save me the trouble with her. That's how lost I'm. I realy don't know what happen, we used to have at least good sex. Not great screaming all night sex, but at least good. I know I can gave it to her, because I had other relationships on the past before we met, and sex never was the problem, but with her some how it was an issue since we got married. She only had sex once with another guy before we met, and we had sex a couple of times before we got married.
I want to save my relationship, I want to have sex with my wife better that with a total stranger. What can I do?

Adios amigos

Olé

[WallyLlama]

There are no easy answers... but there are a lot more questions.

One important one is "What exactly are you missing?"

If it's truly and only about sex, a prostitute is probably a decent bet. As you note, they are professionals and they are going to do what you want whether or not they enjoy it.

The short version is that the only way to improve things sexually with your wife is to improve the relationship. That's not something you can do, it's something you both have to do together. I think the fact that she's visiting relatives for a month makes the point. I'm oversimplifying but this is about a togetherness that's clearly lacking.

If you could afford to hire the prostitute every night, I'm betting it would get old pretty fast. You're not missing good sex, you're missing togetherness.

You've said it yourself... one of the hazards you see in cheating is that you'll find someone who provides a little bit of the "other stuff." So maybe with the wife instead of focusing on the sex you might focus on the "other stuff."

Don't try to make the tail wag the dog.

[Brandye]

I do not know whether it is justification for cheating; that is up to you and your conscience. It is certainly justification to get you and your wife into counselling with the intent of working things out. Remember that marriage cn turn into divorce counselling at any point.

I have never quite been married. I am trying to imagine how I would feel if my husband went to a prostitute as contrasted to some friendly woman. Hmmmmm. I think I would prefer he get with my best friend than some strange pro.

[ageless_gypsy]

Originally Posted by Brandye

I think I would prefer he get with my best friend than some strange pro.

I would be less afraid of contracting something. Still wouldn't make me comfortable.

[Matador]

What am I missing? Yeah, maybe is the togetherness as you say. And right now I don't feel like I'm going to hire another one ever again. Yep, as Brandye and you Wally pointed out, it's time to start working on the relationship, I new that from time ago, but never quite know how to approach my wife about it, since she take it so bad every time I try to, because she starts to cry, and some times she even tells me that she knows she is a bad wife because she doesn't keep me "happy" and that she is afraid that soon I'm going to leave her from another one. So that make me feel guilty, because I made her feel sad, so I stopped trying to work things out but also, some how, some times I feel kinda angry at her, because she knows what we need, she knows the relationship is not going well but she never try to help in any thing, and it seems to me that she is not willing to change.

Brandye, I'm confused. Why would you prefer your husband to go with a friend and not with a pro? Aren't you afraind that he might fall in love with the friend much more easy than with the prostitute?

Angeless, the girl toke every precaution needed, even so, I'm afraid right now.


Adios amigos

[WallyLlama]

It's entirely possible that her responses to your attempts are designed to keep things the way the are - intentionally or not. Guilt is a powerful emotion, but it is not really imposed on us - we allow it to develop.

In short, you've both found a coping mechanism for your problems that is keeping you in a cycle that goes no where. You try, she cries. You stop trying, she stops crying. Then you get angry. You try, she cries...

In a sense, neither of you is willing to change, at least not enough to break the cycle. You might need the intervention of a third party.

[Brandye]

I would prefer (I think, I have not been in the position) that he go with someone safe rather than a prostitute. Then I would likely never talk to my best friend again!!! I have "shared" a man with my present partner; in fact it usually happens a time or two a year. That, however, is two unmarried, bi-sexual women who happen to have similar lists for booty calls.

I, personally, have difficulty understanding male patronage of prostitutes when ther are so many willing women around who are turning a few tricks a day with the attendant risks. The risk of his falling for someone else is a normal cost of being married; the risk of bringing home some disease is not. The risk of his developing unrealistic expectations that any woman would perform as a prostitute does is not normal.

I have come close, but never been married. Not likely at this point.

[Matador]

Originally Posted by Brandye

I would prefer (I think, I have not been in the position) that he go with someone safe rather than a prostitute. Then I would likely never talk to my best friend again!!! I have "shared" a man with my present partner; in fact it usually happens a time or two a year. That, however, is two unmarried, bi-sexual women who happen to have similar lists for booty calls.

I guess if you see it from the health point of view, it's supposed to be safer with the friend. Maybe it is, right now as things are on this days that we live, we can't be so sure.

Originally Posted by Brandye

I, personally, have difficulty understanding male patronage of prostitutes when there are so many willing women around who are turning a few tricks a day with the attendant risks. The risk of his falling for someone else is a normal cost of being married; the risk of bringing home some disease is not. The risk of his developing unrealistic expectations that any woman would perform as a prostitute does is not normal.
I have come close, but never been married. Not likely at this point.

Willing women around? where??? I guess for a young and good looking man there might be some willing women to sleep around, for me ... well, not so many, at least not the way I like it. Maybe it will sound weird, but the way I see it, paying a prostitute is the only way to have a little bit of satisfaction and at the same time without any chance to get sentimentally involved with some one else and be unfaithful to my wife, because I still have hope on us. I know, sounds stupid, but what can I do now?

Just as a comment, if what you want is only sex, it's so much more easy (although more risky) to have sex with a pro (if you have the money) than finding a "girlfriend" to have six with. You don't have to bring her flowers, take her to dinner, dance, not even have foreplay. Just plain sex. And you can have your way with a more than "perfect 10" girl if you just have enough. A thing that not many of us men can do by the normal means. It's not my thing really, but for most man is just something you have to go thru, like drugs. I've never even tasted something near to be a drug but many people doit just to experiment, some people keep doing it, some others just have enough with knowing what is like. It's the same with sex with prostitutes.



OK, see ya amigos...

[ViolinLove]

You're missing God man.

[nursefluffykins]

what? do i even ask