How to control myself??

[apost3]

Ok..so a few of us women have come forward and said "how can I decrease my sex drive, etc..etc". I'm kinda doing the same..but with a different question.

I've been with my BF for a wonderful 2 years. we are discussing getting married in the next year, and I want to spend the rest of my life together. I am 25, he is 30. The problem is my sex drive is much higher than his..and always has been. It's always been our biggest disagreement.

A few days ago he told me how much it angered him/upset him that I constantly am asking for sex. I have several ways in which I go about it..but he always knows what I am after. I am wondering if he not "driving the boat" is why his sex drive is so low??

Regardless, I want to see if me not asking helps..and he's really emphasized that he wants me to sorta back off on asking. HOW do I do this without going crazy?? I am not against masterbating, have plenty of toys...but never the privacy. We live together with our 3 dogs. He leaves for work after me, and is home before me. When I've told him what I'm doing in the past, I dont feel as relaxed when he's in the other room knowing what I'm doing. And "i'm gonna go in here for a while" leads to "what are you doing"... Bottom line is, we basically know what each other is doing at all times.... and I can't masterbate without my toys...

any advice??

[ageless_gypsy]

If you're comfortable having sex with him, why aren't you comfortable with him knowing you are masturbating? In order to deal with a MUCH slower sex drivve (I'm in the same situation), you're going to have to masturbate on a regular basis. If you can't do it privately get comfortable doing it with his knowledge. Or just tell him not to ask.

[Luvs2plzU]

I think we are going to have to wait for ua322 to answer this one!!

[Brandye]

Find a friend????

[apost3]

No... I wont' "find a friend". I was previously married and cheated on.. I won't put someone through the pain of that.

The reason I'm not comfortable is he walked in on me one day a year or so ago...and came BACK in to see what I was watching on TV..what I was masterbating to. (i had it just as noise to drown out the vibrating noise). So, I guess part of me is scared he's gonna just waltz in some day.

[dancingdoc2]

And, what if he does just waltz in one day?
Why does sex have to be so secretive?

Just invite him to to take over!

[Ryouko]

Originally Posted by Brandye

Find a friend????

are you drunk!? when has brandye ever left a comment less than informative intelligent, helpful and reasonable.

[Matador]

I do really understand what you are going thru. I have the same problem myself. I hate to be begging all the time to my wife so that we can have sex. And when finally she agrees I feel bad because it's like she just want to get over it and there. Like she is just doing it because she wants me to feel satisfy but not because she enjoys it. So the thing is, I only get to do it once or twice a week, maybe for some people is normal, for me is not enough. I think, two or three times a day, almost every day, will be OK. But any how, I have the same problem than you, a very high drive and not enough sex nor privacy, so what I do is that I masturbate when ever I have a chance, the only good chance I have is when I get in to the shower in the mornings before I get to work. I always take a good long shower, and make "justice by my own hand" if you know what I mean.
I know, it sucks, but that can help you, for a while ... I did my best for 1 1/2 year, but in the end, even when I don't like it, and regret doing it, I kinda followed Brandye's advice. I'm think on posting it on a different thread.

Regards

[WallyLlama]

So let's keep it simple. The problems are:

1. Not enough sex.
2. Not enough privacy to deal with problem #1 solo.

Hmmm. There might be a third:

3. Inability to discuss problems number 1 and 2 as a couple and find mutually acceptable solutions as a couple.

Which means there may come a fourth:

4. Additional areas of conflict that suffer from #3, inability to discuss problems and find mutually acceptable solutions as a couple.

I'd like to think Brandye's tongue was in her cheek with her suggestion, but if you can't resolve the problem(s) with your partner, what options are left?

A. Suffer
B. Cheat (find a friend)
C. Dump current partner (find a friend)

[Sweetness12]

I kind of have ur problem too.... My b/f works from 7 Am to 9:30 PM.....so he's so worn out by the time he gets home, that I dont want to ask him...but my drive is going crazy. I dont feel right maturbating, I have plenty of time though... my suggestion would be to let all of ur frustrations build up and rape him one day...well, kind of. I did that.. i caught him off gaurd one day while he was in the bedroom and basically threw his ass on the bed and started kissing him. I didnt ask or anything, i just..did.

so... You dont really have to 'find a friend' or any of that...

just randomly do a stealthy attack...take a shower together or something...


Much love
Rachel